At what point...?

oh mama i really do know how you feel . we have been trying for 2 years with no luck. i would say after 6mth-1year of trying with no luck you should see a DR. we will be doing fertility treatment as soon as DH returns from Iraq

i send baby makin vibes to you

ItyBty, I think it is different for everyone. We did an IF workup with the world's creepiest RE (only on on my insurance plan at the time). It was unexplained. We did a couple of cycles of Clomid, but that's as far as we would go with the IF treatment. We moved on to adoption pretty easily, and now have two beautiful children.

My SIL, OTOH, quit her job to devote every waking moment to IF treatment. She and my brother did every treatment suggested to them for a period of eight years. She finally had a baby via donor egg. She now has a beautiful son.

I could never have done what she did, and she could never have done what I did. But we both made the decision that was right for us.

Best of luck to you!

I would say it depends upon your personal situation... i.e. your age, readiness, etc. I know how you feel, though. We only tried for 9 months before we got pregnant with my dd, but every month that goes by is difficult. And I remember being so annoyed with people who didn't even try before they got pregnant. People who get pregnant by surprise don't have a clue what the process is like for people who have to try a little harder. By the end, I was getting convinced that I was infertile (i know, a little premature). I also wondered at what point you start to look into adoption.

After 8 months of trying, I had a very early miscarriage and then conceived my little one the next cycle. She is almost 20 months old now, and we're starting the process again. There's really nothing I can say that will make the process easier, but I think the more you go through, the more you appreciate the pregnancy with all of it's little aches and pains and everything thereafter. (Not to say that people who are surprised by pregnancy don't appreciate it!) And the same goes if you end up adopting or using fertility or whatever life brings you. Everyone appreciates something more when they have to work harder for it.

Good luck!

Taryn

Listen to EFmom - I completely agree with her.

The general rule of thumb for going in for fertility workups (start with the producer of the sperm!!!) is after 4-6 months if you chart and 6-12 if you don't. As for what to do then, or how far you'll go, or whether to consider adoption instead of/in addition to producing biobabies, is completely up to you.

As for me, I have a few issues I know need to be straightened out (thyroid, primarily), and I'm happily working on those while TTC, but I also know adoption is (emotionally, I'm not so sure about financially) an option for me. I really want to be pregnant and give birth, and I don't think I'd give up on that even if we decided to pursue adoption, but I'm also not one of the pregnant-by-any-means ladies. All I know is that we WILL have children, preferably and probably in the next few/several years.

But that's just us.

I'm bumping an old thread of mine because I'm starting to wonder again what our next step is. DH thinks i'm being fatalistic and pessimistic, but I think I'm just being realistic. I guess I'm bracing myself for the Dr to tell me I'm infertile, and it can't be fixed.

I just feel like things are on hold until we find out, and at this point, I'd even welcome the news that we can't make our own children, because at least it would be an answer to the "Why" in my head. DH was tested, his sperm are healthy swimmers, so we now know the issue is on my end, and its now our 13th cycle of trying. I'm just trying to be as rational as possible, because while DH isn't against fostering or adopting, he wanted to try for our own first.

Part of me is thinking that adoption is so expensive, maybe I should just become a "Crazy cat lady" and start takign in strays, and maybe thats just my station in life, and maybe I'm not meant to be a mother to anything but animals - but I'm just SO sick of the not knowing, the waiting and the questions. My mother is sick for a grandchild, my cousins all want to know when we're going to have kids, friends are asking... It makes me wish I'd never made the mistake of letting the universe know I like and want kids, ya know? It woudl be easier if I'd just said I never wanted kids, so people would stop asking. It can't be right that I'm already dreading Thanksgiving, because I just KNOW that someone will ask me if we're pregnant yet, and I don't have an answer as to why we aren't.

I guess I'm mostly just insanely frustrated. I can't help but think it woudl be easier if I just knew I couldn't make a baby, instead of this sick rollercoaster that I ride each month, waiting, and wondering if this month is it. Making a baby is *not* supposed to be this hard. My mom had 2 right away, hell, when she was my age, she had a 10 yr old and a 6 yr old, and I have 3 cats. :

How old are you? That will make a difference in my answer, honestly.

If you're under 30, ttc for 1 year with no luck is standard for when you *can* see an IF specialist, not *should.* If you're over 30, it's 6 mos. of ttc with no luck to see an IF specialist, I believe. Now, keep in mind, both of those are "can see" not "should see." As in, the minimum amount of time to ttc so you have a legitimate concern. They don't want 24 year olds who've been ttc 2 cycles with no luck to flood the office, in other words.

Anyway, if I were you I'd go ahead and get checked out, just for my own peace of mind. It could be something relatively easy to take care of, or you could be just fine. If there is a problem that can't be "fixed," then that's your cue to go ahead and start the adoption process.

I think what's making you nuts is being in limbo. Seeing a specialist will hopefully put an end to that. Either you'll know you can get pg and that will help quell the annoyance of waiting for a little longer, or you'll know there's a problem and can go from there. You'll be able to do something. At least that's how my brain works, anyway.

Thanks Finch - I'm definately feeling a wee bit crazy these days. I just turned 30, which marked our 12th month of actually trying, but we'd been using no protection for a few months before that, so it's been over a year IMHO. I have an appt next week, and I'm going to ask for a referral, because I'm just not willing to "waste" another year trying with no luck. It's the not knowing why thats really making me feel nuts, and this current DR is very cavalier about things, and keeps telling to "try another month" and not to give up hope. :

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Given that information, you definitely have a valid reason to seek a referral to an IF specialist. If your doctor tries to quell your fears and get you to wait for the IF consultation, get a new doctor. Seriously.

If you've been trying for a year, yes... see an RE as soon as you can. If you've been charting and timing everything just right for all of those months without success, there's a very strong possibility that something else is going on and preventing you from getting pregnant.

I don't know about your insurance company, but with mine (AETNA HMO), infertility consultation/diagnosis was considered a direct access service, meaning I didn't even NEED a referral to see an RE.

I'd also call and talk to your local RE's office and see what they have to say about your situation... whether or not they think the RE would be willing to see you, etc. I ended up getting pregnant during the cycle I had an HSG, even though we didn't think it was going to happen without IUI or IVF because my hubby's sperm were severely abnormal. Apparently all we needed was for my tubes to be flushed out!

I totally agree with other posters who have said that if your current doc won't refer you to a specialist, drop them and find someone who will listen to your concerns with a little bit of logic. You've been trying long enough and the heartache gets worse with each passing cycle! There's no need for you to continue waiting and wondering any longer!!

I wish you all the best.