Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
56 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are at our wits end with our 3 1/2 year old. She is out of control.<br><br>
My daughter turned 3 in Nov.(She was an angel up to this point) and we had a new baby in Dec. (5 months now) and and since that time her behavior has been getting progressively worse. We also have a 5yr old son.<br><br>
She has tantrums, won't go to sleep, wrestles her brother an is in general miserable.<br><br>
We are trying to give her quality time, but it does not seem to be enough for her.<br><br>
Last night the gymnastic place they go to had a parent survival night, so I signed up 5yr and 3 yr. (We don't have anyone to babysit for us and they have fun here). DH and I needed some quite time togetrher. SHe didn't want to go, so we didn't force her. We dropped her brother off and stayed for a few minutes to see if she might decide to stay. No dice. We took her with us to eat in the same building. Baby sleeping, 3 yr old is acting very nice. enjoying chip and salsa.<br><br>
Baby wakes up, DH holds baby. 3yr old wants to sit on my lap, fine. Baby starts fussing. I take baby and daddy will hold 3 yr old. Dinner is taking a while so I take baby to nurse. Dinner arrives. DH eats and helps 3yr old. THen he takes baby out so I can eat. 3 yr old start to walk around restaurant, I ask her to sit down # of times. Can't make her sit or she will scream at top of lungs. I am really annoyed at this point so I take both to car while dh pays 3 yr screams whole way then will not get into her carseat and is screaming in parking lot. I have to hold her by the arm until dh gets there since I cant put herin her seat ehile holding baby. Once she is in her seat and we are driving she calms down.<br><br>
So today we make an effort to spend quality timw with her. Dh takes her to farm stand and for a run in the jogging stroller. I play dolls, push her on the swing and she helps me to make dinner. Then at bedtime she starts up again.<br>
Dh brushes her teeth and starts reading a book. While I help 5yr old. I come in to finish story and lie with her. She decides she if finished with book and wants to nurse(I am nursing baby at same time). When she is finished nursing, she won't turn off light, start doing gynastics in bed, kicking me, poking the baby. I get up turn off lights and stand by door. She starts hitting me and running into me. THen she says she Hates me. I ask her why, she says ,because I hate her. Finally DH take baby and she will let me lie down with her and she finally goes to sleep.<br><br>
SHe has been doing this at nigh for a few weeks now( the poking, gynastics, syaing she isn't tired). SHe doesn't nap so she isn't getting enough sleep.<br><br><br>
I don't know what to try next. I want her to be happy, but there are time she just has to listen. any suggestions.<br><br>
Erin
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,132 Posts
This may be a just a hunch, but could there be anything in her diet affecting behaviour? Some details you mentioned were similar to that of my delightful and spirited DS (who is now 5). When he was around 2-3 years, we started to really concentrate on eliminating some things: juice of any kind, white flour items, all preservatives (which encouraged us all to eat more home-prepared food from whole, fresh ingredients), all food colourings, and most forms of sugar, especially those that were added to soups, cereals,breads etc. We allowed tiny amounts of honey, molasses, and brown sugar occasionally. I also encouraged more protein at each meal and for snacks, to slow down the blood sugar rising. It helped us alot, as well as LOTS of big muscle play, and sleep.<br><br>
I also remember age three being intense for his individuation process and working with an understanding of age appropriate behaviour reaaly helped. A book I turn to often is called "Your Spirited Child" by Ally Sheedy Kurcinka. She addresses temperament, and helps you to identify your own temperament, so that you can understand the dynamics of your relationship better.<br><br>
Now that my DS is five and our newest is 20 months, there are new challenges, different challenges, sibling issues and my Dh and I are always amazed at how much these wee people are teaching us and how they are raising us!<br><br>
Her book also strongly advises against *labeling* our children-your addressing her as "out of control" may be how you are imagining her to be, but if you can get behind her eyes a little better, to see the world through hers, it might be quite revealing. In labeling our children the problem lies in not being able to see them objectively outside of the label we or others give. The label can become a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
56 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks,<br><br>
I do need to improve the way we have been eating. We were doing well and since the baby was born we have fallen into the whatever is quickest way of eating. Not so healthy. I am going to work on that in the next few weeks.<br><br>
I do have "The Spirited Child". I bought it when my DS was younger. Never looked at my DD as spirited, but I guess that she is. I will have to get it out and read it a again.<br><br>
I don't have many people around who parent the same way we do, so it makes it hard to get support.<br><br>
Thanks,<br>
Erin
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
796 Posts
No real tips but I am there with you! DD (dec/03) is very adamant about having her way. I really am very, very flexible but there are times when she has to listen.<br><br>
This isn't popular here and I might get eggs tossed at my head, but I do put her in a time-out if she is hitting and not stopping. Hurting others is not negotiable. Redirecting, time-ins, etc, don't work.....and the time-outs do. We talk about the behaviour too.<br><br>
It sounds like she envies the baby and I hear that is pretty normal. I am sure there are some articles or books about adjusting to a new baby. But, partially, I think its just the age.....trying to be independant and make their own choices even if they are bad ones. :)<br><br>
Good luck! Hang in there and just keep giving her love.<br>
rebecca
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top