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so my dd and i have a lot of power struggles during the day...my mom would say i compromise too often, i would say i have to in order to ever get her to do anything.<br>
EVER<br>
i used to be a ps teacher and have worked with kids in many many different educational/child care settings in my professional career and i can say with out a doubt that my child rates HIGH on the stubborn and willful scale...plus she is a very very powerful debater...my dh and i can see a very successful career as a lawyer in her future and have often joked that we wish there were some preschool level debate team we could sign her up for so she had an outlet for her desire to argue about every freakin thing!<br><br>
so on bad days i feel like my house is steeped in conflict, and that is after i let go of her doing anything i want that could be considered negotiable...she will move on to safety issues and get right in my face with them, pushing every limit i could set down.<br><br><br>
anyway..i know she is way more apt to act this way with me b/c i am safe mommy and i will still love her no matter how she acts...<br>
she is always way more able to agree and compromise with other adults in her life.<br><br>
so if i hs her (which i am so far and she is 4 btw)<br>
then i am concerned that our conflict-loving power hungry dynamic will become a HABIT of her personality...rather than just the way she acts with mom.<br><br>
does that make sense?<br><br>
i know right now things are tuff in my house, we have a new baby and i just had him via c section so i have been really unable to have her life look anything the way it used to....but i am feeling like we are bad for each other.<br><br>
i have never ever considered preschool before....but wouldn't she better off if she did not have to spend her days fighting with me about whether or not she can cut holes in her clothes, run with scissors, jump on the bed near the baby, eat her meals, brush her teeth, wear shoes outside in the freezing cold, or not scream over the baby while he is trying to sleep. (and other crazy crap)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moma justice</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9888695"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">so if i hs her (which i am so far and she is 4 btw)<br>
then i am concerned that our conflict-loving power hungry dynamic will become a HABIT of her personality...rather than just the way she acts with mom.</div>
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Quickly, I must go sleep.....<br><br>
That has not been my experience with my 6.5 yo so far. She can and will cooperate with adults outside our household without the endless debate and negotiation.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Her other primary caregivers (dh, grandparents) get it to some extent. It just seems relentless with me.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Perhaps because I don't discourage it too much. I'm willing to engage in debate as long as it doesn't involve whiiiiiiiiiiining. It could be the Mom/dd dynamic as well.<br><br>
I think 4 is a really power-hungry age regardless.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">i know right now things are tuff in my house, we have a new baby and i just had him via c section so i have been really unable to have her life look anything the way it used to....but i am feeling like we are bad for each other.</td>
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My first guess is that this is both an age and a stage. Not to say that your dd is not a strong-willed kid, but I am wondering if this dynamic is especially exacerbated by new baby. I know that my ds had a very, very "charged" year after my dd was born. I also think 3/4 yo are notorious in testing boundaries to learn how the world works.<br><br>
My ds is a very "charged" kid. At almost nine, he is much more able to compromise, and negotiate. However, he still lapses and can be very emotional-- but that is his personality--fiery and passionate. Anyhow, I think as your dd grows you will help her work with the personality she has and if you continue to hs you will figure out ways to make you relationship work.
 

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this sounds like when my DD was 4. At five, it is a lot better because she is understanding more and more where I am coming from. I say age and stage.
 

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Hi, this may not be the most popular opinion here, but I really have nothing philosophically against a play-based, couple hours a day preschool.<br><br>
My DD was born when my Ds was three, and he went three mornings a week to a loving, home-based Waldorf preschool for the first year, while I learned how to be a mom of two and needed to spend time alone with my newborn.<br><br>
It was a great experience for him: 2.5 hours long, they went on a walk every day, folded towels, baked bread, played in water etc etc.<br><br>
Then when I was more able to handle things I brought him home and we have been HSing ever since.<br><br>
I have considered doing the same thing for my DD now she is a VERY CHALLENGING three, but it doesn't feel so urgent now that I don't have a newborn also, so I might skip it this time.<br><br>
You need to do what is right for your family at the time.
 
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