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I'm new here, so I will repeat my short story. If you've read it before, I apologize.<br><br>
I am 27.5 years old, and my (unofficial) fiance is going to be 26 in June. We got a late start at an adult life and only got a place of our without parents in July of 2005. My SO is not ready for children yet, and doesn't know if he ever will be. He wants more time to enjoy an adult life before adding the responsibility of children. He said he may decide he's ready in 5 years, maybe 10 years, maybe never.<br><br>
We are interested in the posibilty of adopting internationally if/when he decides to have children if my health will not allow pregnancy (I'm on Paxil for depression and anxiety and Neurontin for a nerve injury disorder. I want to be off of both before pregnancy in order to avoid the risk of birth defects to our child) or if he does not decide he's ready for children until I've reached the age where the risk of birth defects goes up.<br><br>
I am interested in hearing about everyone's international adoption stories. What country have you adopted from? What was your experience? How has your child adjusted? etc.<br><br>
I think I have narrowed it down to Central America (they allow babies to be adpopted quite young) or Khazakhstan (prejudice on my part, I suppose. I think children of mixed white/asian race have stunning looks), but this is by no means set in stone.
 

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every country has differnt requirements, and every state has differnt requiments for the home study.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Yep it gets fun.<br><br>
but when the time comes you ahve to find a country that is a fit for you--------- age requirement, age limits, $, health -- including mental, and so on some have houseing standards as well, I think Korea has started a BMI range even.........<br><br>
I have clinical depression and was medicated for YEARS -- and I will be honest mental health IS going to be a factor in a country that we will be allowed to adopt from -- but it won't whut the door totally. and even if a country is accpeting, you are going to have to demonstrate with profssional opinins that you can adopt, can parent and can function daily.....<br><br>
what i suggest is go cruse international adotion websites.....look at all the differnt countries and read about the parent requiremtns and avaiable kids.<br><br>
it is where i started.<br><br>
Aimee
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>corgimom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7949042"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm new here, so I will repeat my short story. If you've read it before, I apologize.<br><br>
I am 27.5 years old, and my (unofficial) fiance is going to be 26 in June. We got a late start at an adult life and only got a place of our without parents in July of 2005. My SO is not ready for children yet, and doesn't know if he ever will be. He wants more time to enjoy an adult life before adding the responsibility of children. He said he may decide he's ready in 5 years, maybe 10 years, maybe never.</div>
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I guess my first question would be do YOU want to have children? Can you envision a life without them? It took my partner 10 years to decide, and it was really difficult. Yes, I'm glad I waited for her, but I also wish I had been more clear from the start of our relationship. I just assumed we would work it out somehow! We almost weren't able to get to a resolution about it. Fortunately, we now have a beautiful daughter from Guatemala, but believe me, it could have easily not been so.<br><br>
That said, international adoption is a constantly changing world, and seems to be in particular upheaval at the moment. I would perhaps read some general adoption-related resources (see the sticky) but not get set on any one country or program until you are very close to the time you are actually adopting. What helped my partner most was to know how much I really wanted a child, that I was able to be very flexible about how that child came to us and accomodate her needs and wishes, and that I was willing to have an only child.<br><br>
Good luck -
 

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Well, we got a REAL late start. I had a hysterectomy when I was single and 32 years old. I married DH at 41. He of course knew I couldn't have children. We both toyed with the idea of adopting children but also enjoyed being newly married.<br><br>
Six years later, we brought our daughter home from Guatemala. We bought our second daughter home last year when I was 51. Our girls are now almost 6 and almost 2 years old. So you have PLENTY of time to wait. BUT if you want children and he never does, I'm afraid you'll regret marrying him. Please consider this before saying I do.<br><br>
Sandy
 

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I think it's very normal for guys to keep kids "off the radar" for a while longer than women. I have several friend couples where this has occurred--including my own sister and her husband! However, in most of the cases with my friends, the guy has said he DOES want kids, he just doesn't know when and would rather wait a while (usually "a while" is several years). There are lots of reasons guys would want to wait--I wouldn't worry about that--but I would be sure to have the discussion about whether your future plans and his future plans will clash. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
We're adopting from Korea. We started the process last fall, and currently we're waiting for a referral. I'm not sure how helpful my information will be, though, because it's getting more and more unlikely that there will be a large Korean intercountry adoption program several years from now.<br><br>
I would suggest one thing, though--find out where you qualify now (really look into it...we thought for years we'd qualify for China's program, only to find out we were kept out by a teeny tiny rule we hadn't been told about). Once you find out a country (or region) where you feel fairly sure you'll adopt from, start bonding with that area. Read books, travel there as a couple, rent DVDs from that country, and attend cultural festivals if you can. The bonding process, and starting to incorporate the culture of your future child into your life, is so important and so rewarding. When you hold your new son or daughter someday, knowing that you love and respect his/her birth culture will be a very important love you can share with your child.<br><br>
Good luck!
 
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