[quelindo]

I just realized that no one has started the October thread. Come on, people, do I have to do everything?

No time to write now, but I hope you all are doing well and I'll check in later.

 

[chasmyn]

I'm here! I think October snuck up on us!

Okay everyone:

What are your kiddos going to be for halloween?

I'm undecided. Elmo or Thomas?

 

[nancy926]

I'm sort of here....!

No idea on the Halloween costume. We will actually be in Maine until Halloween morning so I'm not sure we're going to make it back here in time for t-or-t-ing. I don't know what to do about that....DD1 knows all about Halloween and will be miffed if she misses it.

 

[Mama Coltrane]

Hi everyone.
Just went to my third doula birth- another boy. It was a quick homebirth, 4 hours in total. Wow.
Sooo.... DS1 wants to be a pirate for Halloween. Emmett wants to be
" green " and other days " orange ". I guess we can pull those off too!

- Kerri

 

[henhao]

Since we're on a strict budget, O will either wear the same costume as last year or...wear a tutu my friend gave her and a crown. She LOVES her tutu and she loves the birthday crown we bought her. She'd have a hoot wearing that.

So much happened in Aug and Sept...2 elderly ladies in our family died. Some nutso stuff is going down with the will of one of them, but I can't write more about it here. We visited one of them on her deathbed. I returned home and visited the cemetery for the anniversary of my sibling's death and then I returned to work from vacation and got laid off. So.

I started my own business. I have a number of interested clients and work is trickling in. So far, it's not provided too much more time for me to spend with O. My long-term goal -- gasp!! -- is to homeschool. It'll be so much easier to homeschool if I can get this business off the ground. I am working some 4-day weeks so I can spend more time with O.

I can't see getting a FT job that includes lots of travel. Working from home gives me several more hours a day with DD.

What else? Oh, I finally got my blood tested for the lumps in my neck, so I should know for sure about whether it's cancer in a week or so. I hope the lumps are just due to cleansing or food allergies, and I'm not too worried about it anymore.

My life is so nuts at the moment that I can't focus on any one of the several crazy things going on or I'd lose my mind.

I am taking comfort in socializing, good friends and my family.

I found out I am allergic to wheat, cheese, almonds, and possibly soy. Oh, well. I feel loads better not eating those foods and I started a Wheat Free blog (see my sig). I am seeing a naturopath and taking some weird (to me) remedies and seeing where it leads.

Every time, I post a positive declaration in my SIG, it comes true. So, I am posting one about increasing my income. I am going to have more income so I can spend more time with O and have more flexibility.

 

[K's Mom!]

Hey, Hey mamas!

Happy October! We've been sooo crazy busy. . or maybe I feel that way because I'm so tired now.

: We are anxiously awaiting snow. I am so excited for Cheyne to get out and play in it. K and C are so great at playing out alone together and I am excited for them to adventure out into the snow. All is well here. I am enjoying life cuddling my two little ones knowing that there is another one growing within. The feeling of "I Am Mom" has truly set in.

About Halloween: Um, I don't know what Cheyne is going to be, K is going to be a clown. We looked at costumes at the store to get an idea and He seemed completly unaware to the whole bit. He might just be the fabulous Cheyne-O! We'll see.

Henhao~ I'm glad you've got your allergies figured out, hopefully you'll feel better once all of those toxins are out of your system. I'll keep you in my thoughts that the lumps are nothing.

Please let us know, if you're up for it.

Be well, and until later, Andrya

 

[tikva18]

Hi all, we've been busy with our fall holidays - the last one just ended - so back to the 'puter for me. Likewise, we don't do Halloween, but hope you all have fun with it.

The twins are starting to string two words together - finally! still no sleeping, however.

Crazy weather for October - it was supposed to be upper 80s today - and has been for a few days.

Hope everyone is well!

 

[hopefulfaith]

Absolutely no clue what we're doing for Halloween.

The first year, Adam was only 2 months old (obviously...like everyone here) and so colicky that I didn't actually care much about anything at that point. So I ignored it.

The second year, he still didn't know what was going on and my EDD for Sarah was the next day. So I didn't care much about it then, either, and I ignored it again.

This year, I figure I could probably manage some costumes and maybe hitting a couple of houses that we know, earlier in the evening. So who knows what we'll do.

Looking for gently used costumes on ebay.

I had my first outing without Adam and Sarah today! I have always had one or both of them for the last 12+ months (except for the 1h & 45m I had in August when the ILs watched the kids while dh was over there helping them). It was really weird - okay, so Sarah's 11 months old, and it was probably time.... But it was lovely.

I left dh with expressed milk and a sippy cup and went to a Pampered Chef party. I enjoyed it - ate nice food, bought a few things I can't afford, and came home to smiling kids who were having a good time with Dad! Very, very nice.

I wish there were more opportunities to socialize (for me) in this town. Dh and I are looking at how long we want to stay here - it has been really nice in the fact that I have had to stay home by default, since there is no employment here for me - which has been such a blessing! --- but at the same time, we would like to buy a home and settle down in the next few years, and I think we will end up doing that in a bigger community with more to offer than this one. It is a lovely, small vacation town...but it can be a difficult place to raise a family, especially in the long winters. There are two other women here my age with children near my kids' ages, but they both work FT and don't have a lot of time on the weekends to socialize, and I do get a little crazy without IRL friends nearby sometimes. Plus, it is difficult living paycheck to paycheck - some weeks you have $70 for groceries, some weeks you have $15 - and that is getting harder when you want to feed your kids in a healthful manner...so I will probably return to work sometime next year, depending on which way dh's job goes - stay here for a little longer, move elsewhere.... I know whatever happens will be the right thing for us - it truly always has - and so I am content knowing that it will all work out.

Adam has been a voracious reader lately - we read over 300 pages tonight before bedtime - I just kept reading until his eyes started drooping.

Lately, his thing is to say "Adam read it." and take the book and begin telling me the story, turning the pages, and narrating each action to me. I love that so much. I want to raise readers!

Kerri, that is great about another doula birth - are you doing mostly hospital or home births? Are you volunteering, or setting up a business with it?

Deb, I am glad you are feeling better - I hope everything goes well with your neck; will you let us know how it turns out? Oh, and how is O doing? I think of her every so often when Adam sees a helicopter - I remember that she could pronounce that so early and it makes me smile - Adam still calls them "apple towers".

Rivka - hope you had good holidays.

Andrya, it doesn't sound like you have long to wait for the snow up there; my girlfriend tells me the days are getting shorter.... Hoping you are getting some good rest here and there.

Love to all.

 

[quelindo]

Hello, all. I'm so glad we're keeping these threads going.

Deb, I will be thinking of you and hoping for good news on your test. Interesting about your food allergies! I've been gluten-free along with Henry since last spring. I'm also trying to cut out ALL grains except for some rice, and trying to go no sugar. I have completely changed the way I eat from before I had Henry. I really think having him has made me research nutrition and health more thoroughly and I'm grateful for the journey.

Henry will be a bear for Halloween (if he lets me put the costume on him!). I got a super-cute Old Navy costume off eBay. We've been reading "Clifford's Halloween" and talking about what will happen. It's a big deal in our new neighborhood, I hear. We've been told to buy AT LEAST ten bags of candy.

Henry's imagination just continues to astound me. He will pick up a piece of grass and pretend it's a bunny, if no other suitable objects are around. Or he'll even just hold out his hand and say he has Maddy (his half-sister). We talk about just pretending, and the pretend Maddy and the real Maddy, and he really gets it. So fascinating. And so making me realize he doesn't need fancy toys!

I'm just so in love with him. He's just the sweetest thing.

 

[ktmama]

Hello to all you lovely Aug 05 mamas!

It seems that the change in seasons brings out so much intensity - physical, emotional, mental....we are having the usual body purges here at the change of seasons and still dealing with VERY intense conflict with L's dad for me. I'm meeting with my attorney this week to determine if my concerns have any legal merit for changing our custody agreement or not. Stay tuned.

A is doing so great and is so much fun to be around. I remember saying with L that every age was my fav and the same is true for A. More and more words (French and English) come every day and I'm so amazed by her sentences. She can finally say her own name, which isn't easy and I'm really proud!

She is physically so adept and is jumping everywhere and galloping like a horse. She also invents these silly walks which are hysterical and have me reaching out to catch her ----- and then holding back. She is really into dressing up and dancing to music. She is singing and "reading" by herself too. So cute. Fav song? Baby Beluga.

Not doing Halloween here with A. Way too young IMO.

:

In other news, I'm re-reading Hold On To Your Kids (Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers) and I HIGHLY recommend this book mamas. It should be called AP for older kids, but it also focuses on attaching to babies and toddlers. I thought of all of you when I read this:

"We have no problem inviting the dependence of infants, but past that phase, independence becomes our primary agenda. Whether it is for our children to dress themselves, feed themselves, settle themselves, entertain themselves, think for themselves, solve their own problems, the story is the same: we champion independence - or what we believe is independence. We fear that to invite dependence is to invite regression instead of development, that if we give dependence an inch, it will take a mile. What we are really encouraging with this attitude is not true independence, only independence from us. Dependence is then transferred to the peer group."

The authors also talk about how timeout breaks the parent/child attachment. I think I've given my last timeout.

ION, I had my IUD taken out yesterday all the while A was sitting in a chair at my shoulder while I read The Velveteen Rabbit to her. All in all, it took two minutes and, beside a bit of cramping, it feels OK. Glad to have that out and over with. Now, on to reproduction!

 

[quelindo]

Kate, that book has been on my "to read" list for a while. I love that Henry is a mommy's boy, and still nurses and needs me to sleep with him (well, I do wish he'd sleep better and longer!). He's fine hanging out with other kids and seems confident in lots of ways, but I always want to be his "soft place to fall" (I really hate Dr. Phil but that expression seems fitting).

I understand what you're saying about A. being too young for Halloween. No flames here. I just know that in our neighborhood it's a big deal, and so we'll dress him up (if he'll let us) and walk him around with the neighbor kids to the people on our block. Not a big thing, and I am not planning on letting him consume lots of candy. I'm still thinking about how to by-pass the candy thing while letting him enjoy the social aspect.

 

[ktmama]

NM, one of my friends has the "Halloween Witch" come to visit the night of Halloween. Her kids put their candy on the porch and the Halloween Witch takes it away and leaves presents. I think that's really cute.

Anyone want to participate in my non-scientific study?
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...95#post9368895

 

[hopefulfaith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktmama "We have no problem inviting the dependence of infants, but past that phase, independence becomes our primary agenda. Whether it is for our children to dress themselves, feed themselves, settle themselves, entertain themselves, think for themselves, solve their own problems, the story is the same: we champion independence - or what we believe is independence. We fear that to invite dependence is to invite regression instead of development, that if we give dependence an inch, it will take a mile. What we are really encouraging with this attitude is not true independence, only independence from us. Dependence is then transferred to the peer group."

This is blowing my mind. I need to get that book.

Also on a related note, I am really struggling with timeouts here. If anyone has good, constructive advice I'd really love to hear it --- particularly as it relates to sibling-on-younger-sibling violence.

Adam has taken to sitting on Sarah when he is frustrated with her - or, when he is bored, I think. Obviously, she's 11 months old - and it hurts. I'll duck out of the room for a minute and I'll hear her yelling and beginning to cry and I'll get back in there and there he'll be, right smack on top of her.

He has hit her before, and he occasionally gets aggressive with hitting her with an object - i.e., a toy he has wrested from her hands. Mind you, this doesn't happen ALL the time. Some days are better than others and sometimes it happens a few times in one day, but he's by no means a really aggressive kid. He just acts out his impulses with Sarah; completely normal for this age, yes, but still not acceptable to hurt her.

After the third or fourth time this morning, though, I had completely lost it and I put him (forcefully, I am ashamed to admit) into a chair in the living room and told him he needed to stay there for a minute while Mama calmed down because I was Very Very Very Angry that the was continuing to hurt Sarah. As long as I'm confessing, I admit that I yelled that. Loudly.

Naturally, he began crying - he isn't used to me behaving like that - and asked for "Need Mama!" and I was still too angry to respond and I replied "No. Mama is angry."

I calmed down after a minute or so and went and hugged him and he told me, tearfully, "No more pushing Sarah Beara!" I agreed that that was a good plan and he got down to play and that was that. Only I felt absolutely awful that that was such a terrible scenario and that I completely lost my cool.

I would love ideas from you guys on how you are dealing with behavior that really is quite normal but really is Not Acceptable in your homes - particularly if that behavior is aggressive/hurting people.

I don't want a repeat of this morning, and I'm afraid I'm losing it more and more these days - this morning isn't the first time I've reacted like that, but I want to stop.

I'm afraid to post on the GD board - those mamas can be ruthless, and I KNOW what I'm doing isn't healthy, but I don't feel like getting flamed this week....

:

((I should add that Sarah is with/on me quite a bit, and I tend to be in the same room with the kids the majority of our day - they help me in the kitchen/laundry, etc. - but obviously it is impossible to be everywhere at once, so the behavior tends to occur when I am physically out of the room.))

Thanks, guys.

 

[hopefulfaith]

A few more things -

I read in the paper today that Bruce Springsteen was coming out with a new album soon. This made me think of EStreetMama (Adrienne) - has anyone heard from her recently?

And Kate - I was wondering how the ex-husband thing was going, particularly in light of issues you'd posted about recently where your rules/concerns were quite different from his. Hoping this all works out well...

And NM, I smiled when you wrote "if he'll let us" - Adam certainly isn't going trick-or-treating or anything, but I was considering a costume and then just going to a few friends' houses so he could knock on the door and get a Tootsie Roll or something

: -- but I have absolutely no clue what to do that he will LET me do - I'm quite certain it will have to be some sort of unobstrusive clothing-type of outfit without any mask/makeup/hat/accessories, etc. Eh, maybe I'll ignore it again this year.

We went outside tonight and watched the coolest lightening storm over Lake Superior. Dh commented that it was "absolutely amazing", and if you want to laugh, listen to your dc try to pronounce those words while trying to inflect the appropriate amount of awe. I can't stop grinning when I think of it.

Love to all.

 

[ktmama]

Naturally, he began crying - he isn't used to me behaving like that - and asked for "Need Mama!"

Emily, run out and get that book! My lightbulb moment came when I read how timeouts/separation after aggression breaks the parent/child attachment and sends kids looking for more attachment either through more aggression/contact or through their peers (for older kids).

I don't know how to answer your question about sibling aggression. It's hard enough for me with A and I'm a grownup (in theory anyway

. Sarah obviously cannot solve this herself. I think it's important to protect her and maybe when you walk out of the room (if you have to) to ask Adam to be very gentle with the baby and if he needs some attention, come and find mama. You can even sing or something while you're out of the room so he can hear your voice and stay connected that way. Maybe you can take HIM with you rather than the baby to avoid these moments - at least for awhile. That way he can feel special and helpful. Just ideas. I hope you find something that works.

 

[wsgrl84]

Hey mamas! Happy Halloween month! We are not much into Halloween decorations but I did get a monkey costume for Christopher from Old Navy. Last year we went trick o treating at our local mall and he had no clue what's going on and I ate the candy.

He loves reading about Halloween now so we might go again just to show him all the costumes the kids are wearing. They just look so cute!!

Emily- I know exactly how you feel about Adam. Sometimes when we are out in play areas, C would scream at other kids and pinch them! when they take his toy. I just raise my voice and remove him/take him away. This usually happens when he didn't get his full 2 hr nap in the afternoon. If he did, he would be okay.

Kate- good luck with everything! It's funny, I had my IUD in over the summer and you had yours taken out. The process was a little annoying (I was holding Justin) but it was fast!

Justin is almost crawling now(rather scooting), it's scarying! I leave for 3 min and he moves from one corner to another.

We went to a doctor's checkup, all is well but when he was checking the percentiles for everything, I started laughing inside. Doc said Christopher jumped from 50-90 percentile in weight, head is 75% and height is 25%. He looks just like his Dad!!! Short chubby and a big head!

Justin is tiny like Me, 25% in weight, 50% in height and 50% in head circumference. Doc thinks I don't feed Justin and I feed Christopher too much...which is NOT true!!! I think it's genetics....

Happy Monday all! and Happy Columbus day! Too bad DH is till working today...

xo
-Nonny

 

[nancy926]

henhao, why the "gasp" about homeschooling? Did you just never think you'd head down that path? We knew even before either DD was born that we were going to homeschool. We are not going to follow a strict curriculum, though I wouldn't call us unschoolers. I just need to start doing a better job of keeping track of what DD1 is learning...b/c unfortunately Vermont has a lot of rules about homeschooling. Not what you'd expect from crunchy granola ben-and-jerry's land, but there you go.

Hold On To Your Kids is a great book! So is The Hurried Child by David Elkind. We definitely stand out around here because we don't plan to send the kids to school; we don't use babysitters; we don't send our kids to multiple sports teams and classes and the like (they have 1 gymnastics class, which DH is there with them for) -- not that we will never let them play sports, etc. but at 4.5 and 2 years old IMHO it is unnecessary.

I still have vivid memories of my mom trying to get me to talk to her when I was 16. I just kept thinking, "You've basically ignored my feelings for 16 years and now you want me to talk to you?" Not that she truly did ignore my feelings all that time, but I was not raised AP or anything close to it.

 

[wsgrl84]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nancy926 henhao, why the "gasp" about homeschooling? Did you just never think you'd head down that path? We knew even before either DD was born that we were going to homeschool. We are not going to follow a strict curriculum, though I wouldn't call us unschoolers. I just need to start doing a better job of keeping track of what DD1 is learning...b/c unfortunately Vermont has a lot of rules about homeschooling. Not what you'd expect from crunchy granola ben-and-jerry's land, but there you go. Hold On To Your Kids is a great book! So is The Hurried Child by David Elkind. We definitely stand out around here because we don't plan to send the kids to school; we don't use babysitters; we don't send our kids to multiple sports teams and classes and the like (they have 1 gymnastics class, which DH is there with them for) -- not that we will never let them play sports, etc. but at 4.5 and 2 years old IMHO it is unnecessary. I still have vivid memories of my mom trying to get me to talk to her when I was 16. I just kept thinking, "You've basically ignored my feelings for 16 years and now you want me to talk to you?" Not that she truly did ignore my feelings all that time, but I was not raised AP or anything close to it.

You reminded me to ask you mamas about homeschooling and taking classes. My parents wanted me to eventually send C to a preschool or some sorts, they said it's good for him to spend some time with other kids and have more activities. What do you say to that? Is homeschooling and not letting our kids into sports and activities the better decision? I'm interested in what you guys think about this. Right now I am indifferent... But right now I obviously believe being a SAHM is best ..at least until they are more independent and talk more.

 

[nancy926]

Homeschooling is whatever you want it to be.

It's certainly NOT restricting your kids' experiences. I think my kids will have more diverse and richer experiences homeschooling than they could in ps. All states are different, but in VT homeschooled kids can participate in their local public school's sports offerings, other extracurricular activities, and any classes they might want to take.

Check out the homeschooling board for more info...there's tons there!

 

[tikva18]

my children attend a private religious dayschool. I believed in letting them be at home - doing things on their own time instead of having them be over-scheduled and thus overwhelmed. My kids, I've found, need extra help socially. I'm very upset with myself that I did NOT send them to group activities and am now planning on changing that. They need (at least mine) that interaction where kids have to work together - so they can gain positive benefit from being around other kids who are friendly in a controlled social setting. So, I'm not saying whether or not I'm for or against home schooling - in fact, out of necessity we did homeschool my oldest for the remainder of the past year - I'm just saying that even if we wish for things to be a certain way, it may be better if we try what we didn't want.