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I'm hoping to hear from parents and their experiences with differences in the way their autistic child treats his/her siblings.<br><br>
Dom is my middle child, so he has never known a time without Beth. He adores her and has always played with her to some extent. He'll snuggle with her on the couch, play peek a boo, chase, they can share toys (well, as well as any 3 and 5yo will share lol). Yesterday, they were playing computer games together and he accidentally hit her in the cheek when he got excited. He didn't seem to notice and she was crying - it had really hurt her. So I told him to look at Beth, she had an owie and to give her a kiss. We go through this whenever he hurts one of his sisters - we have him say sorry and give a kiss. He usually does it quickly and it just seems like imitation - not that he's really showing any emotion with it. So he looked at her and seemed very concerned. He gave her a kiss, then hugged her. Then backed up and looked at her again. Then went and gave her another kiss and really embraced her. I got all teary eyed. It was very sweet. Then last night, we were visiting friends and Beth wanted to spend the night there (they have a daughter the same age). So when we were leaving I had Dom say bye to Beth. He was fine up until we walked outside. Then he said "Uh oh!" and ran back in the house in a panic yelling "Bethie! Bethie!" So I told him she was spending the night and we'd see her tomorrow and he was screaming "No! Bethie! Bethie! Bye-bye Lily!" He wanted Lily to stay behind and Beth to come with us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
So I went to put Lily in the van so I could go back and get him because he was too hysterical, but he panicked when I went outside and followed me and just started to run in the dark out in the driveway. He was running and screaming for Bethie so I quickly put Lily in the van and ran to get him because I was worried he would run off in the dark. He had tears pouring down his face and cried for Bethie for about 20 minutes before passing out. It was so sad.<br><br>
He really does adore Beth and loves her very much. On the flip side of that, is how he feels about Lily. She was born at home in the morning. When he woke up, it seemed as if he didn't even notice there was a baby on my chest. He sat next to me on the couch and played with my hair and never acknowledged her for months. She's now 18 months old and he acknowledges her enough to push her out of the way if she gets too close or if she's going near his toys. It's so sad when she's trying to play with him and he just stares past her. This morning she was sitting in front of him after he woke up and was saying "Kiss....sweet" and trying to kiss him and he just stared past her.<br><br>
Has anyone gone through this where their child treated his siblings differently? Does it eventually resolve? I'm hoping that as she gets older and a bit more bossy he'll pay more attention to her. Beth has been good for Dom because she would make him play and draw him out from his solitary activities and I wonder if he needs that push to pay attention.
 

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This is interesting. Max is my oldest (suspect asperger's, eval in about a week) and he plays very well w/ Rachel most of the time. The new baby is due in October and this will be interesting to see how he responds. I will be reading this thread.
 

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Well, Bede only played with Faith for the longest time. She was the instigator. He went throught the same process with Gilbert (and now with Trixie) as Dom has with Lily - he completely ignored him until Gilbert began interfering with Bede's world, and then he only interacted with him enough to physically remove him from the area he was in, usually with a (nonagressive, at least) shove.<br><br>
When Gilbert hit about 2.25 or so, he started playing with Bede. They roughhouse more than anyother sort of play, with much laughter. It's fun to watch... until one of them goes too far and makes the other one cry. But still, good times. And again, Gilbert always initiates it. Chase, tickle, wrestle, then Gilbert says with delight "Hee hee! Bede so FUNNY! Hug you Bede!"<br><br>
Bede *totally* ignores Trixie unless she's 'threatening' his things - the computer, the DVD player, etc.<br><br>
Bede has MUCH less language than Dom too. If he could communicate it, he might be saying things like "Trixie go!" etc. Who knows.<br><br>
I think it will be a different thing for Lily and Dom in just a few months, a year at most.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>feebeeglee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8233315"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, Bede only played with Faith for the longest time. She was the instigator. He went throught the same process with Gilbert (and now with Trixie) as Dom has with Lily - he completely ignored him until Gilbert began interfering with Bede's world, and then he only interacted with him enough to physically remove him from the area he was in, usually with a (nonagressive, at least) shove.<br><br>
When Gilbert hit about 2.25 or so, he started playing with Bede. They roughhouse more than anyother sort of play, with much laughter. It's fun to watch... until one of them goes too far and makes the other one cry. But still, good times. And again, Gilbert always initiates it. Chase, tickle, wrestle, then Gilbert says with delight "Hee hee! Bede so FUNNY! Hug you Bede!"<br><br>
Bede *totally* ignores Trixie unless she's 'threatening' his things - the computer, the DVD player, etc.<br><br>
Bede has MUCH less language than Dom too. If he could communicate it, he might be saying things like "Trixie go!" etc. Who knows.<br><br>
I think it will be a different thing for Lily and Dom in just a few months, a year at most.</div>
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That is very good to hear. I don't want Lily to be one of those kids who says she wishes she had a brother without autism.<br><br>
Dom's language has just exploded recently. A year ago he had nothing - no signs or words. Then he was all ASL till about a few months ago.<br><br>
No one is able to understand him except for those who are around him every day, but I am so happy to hear him say words! He started to say "Mommy" clearly a couple weeks ago. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Jordan most likely has autism. He plays with/around his twin brother. They play with toys together etc. Not really like a typical 3 year old interaction but they do interact. But Jordan pays absolutely no attention to the baby. One time he got real affectionate and wanted to hold him and kiss him, it was crazy. But that was the only time. If I ask him to kiss him he either does just to make me happy I think or he pushes him away. So yes we go through something very similar here too. I am not sure why.
 

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Zack is my firstborn (he's almost 5) so when Emily came into his life (now 2 years old) his little world was pretty shaken up. After his initial feelings of anger toward me and what I think was sadness over the whole situation in general subsided (maybe a few weeks) he pretty much ignored his little sister.<br><br>
When she got old enough to play with him he was more interested but we did go through the phase of him <i>just</i> interacting with her when she invaded his space or took something he wanted. Now they do play together quite a bit and he asks for her when she's napping because he wants to play with her. But along with playing with eachother, they fight a lot as well. Overall things are much more calm around here when one of them is asleep or not home, but the many times they do interact well together are very heartwarming.<br><br>
Now, I have a 12 day old baby girl and Zack is SO sweet with her. He talks to her and about her (though his language is also difficult to understand), he kisses her and is overall very loving. Night and day difference between this time and when his first sister came home.
 
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