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Aware Parenting

1037 Views 6 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  homesteader
Has anyone read Aletha Solter's books? I just read Tears and Tantrums and The Aware Baby is on it's way. What do you think? I have mixed feelings, but I want to hear from those of you who hve read her books.

ALso, check out the website.
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We have had discussions in the past. They should come up if you search. I've read the books and am experienced in how her view fits in. I'm not a Solter purist, but there has definetly been a role of the "hold and cry," in our house.

I think she oversimplifies, and most times when she might say Dd needed to cry, the primary problem was Dd was tired.

But it's a useful tool to keep in mind. Dd sometimes likes to be held very tighly when she cries, even though she struggles. I think it reminds her of tight quarters in the womb. It isn't very often though. Solter claims toddlers need this nightly. We go months between times she really seems to need this, and it's way less common now that she is able to talk quite well.

At night, she says "talk rocking chair," and we talk about the day. I think the crying in the rocking chair was the preverbal equivalent of discharging the day. Now she listens to me talk about the day and comments or adds or answers questions. I think the Solter technique set us up for communication, which was my goal. I felt that if my baby knew I was comfortable listening to her cry, I am on the way to having a teenager who knows I am willing to listen to things she may not consider so pretty. Anger, upset, etc.

I also like Solter's way of dealing with crying about a fall or other upset. Instead of shusshing Dd, or saying "you're OK," we encourage her to tell what happened and comment accordingly. Now she tells the story, asks for a tissue, wipes her nose, and is ready to laugh again.

There are two major discussions I recall, one in Parenting and one in Sleep.
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Thanks, I searched and found some great discussion to refer to!
curious (and anyone else), i just did a search myself about these books. if you could have used just one of her books would it have been tears & tantrums or aware baby? money is tight & i'm really having a terrible time trying to figure out which one to get. thanks!
I ditto curious on a lot of what she wrote. You'll find my comments and struggles with Solter in many of those discussions. In a nutshell I like her theories, but I have many problems with many of her specifics. But I really appreciated her point of view that it is okay and important for babies and children to cry.

I have not read Tears and Tantrums, but I have heard good things about it. There was so much in Aware Baby that I did not like, I have always hoped that in Tears and Tantrums she refined her theories more and plan to check it out from the library eventually.

Go buy Tears and Tantrums. I'll send you my copy of Aware Baby if you pm your address.
Most everything I got that was useful was from Aware Baby. Tears and Tantrums restated and reaffirmed a lot, and as I recall talked more about older kids, but the ideas were much the same and my interpretations didn't change much as I went from one to the other, except to apply as Dd gets older, which I probably do just from knowing her rather than reading another book.
thanks both for your input! grumo i pm-ed you! curious, i love your signature!
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