[Jane]

I'm so mad and sad and I just don't know what to do. My sis-in-law went postal on her 7 year old granddaughter. Screaming and throwing her out of the house and yelling and screaming. I don't think I've ever seen anything so awful.<br><br>
Had a family dinner last night (birthday). It was at my brother's house, with my bro and SIL, my husband and I, and their three girls (all in their 20's). Their son couldn't make it, he had to work. But he sent his fiance and then his daughter needed to come too, at the last minute. So there's a whole bunch of adults and one 7 year old girl at this party. Oh, and it's important to note their son was adopted by them at age 22 or so. He's a recent wonderful addition to the family.<br>
The 7 year old's biomom said in the afternoon, "you come take this girl or I'm sending her to foster care" - not an idle threat. She'd said it last week and her dad had been arranging the switch in custody, but then her mom upped the demand to "do it today". So, she was in a bad state already.<br><br>
Her dad is saying he isn't going to ever come back. He's lost a family before, it's not so bad. He just isn't going to expose his kids to being verbally abused. He's right, but it's just sad.<br><br>
I haven't a clue why my SIL snapped. It was just like that, snapped. So strange. She says it was because the girl burped at her 15 times and she won't take that kind of abuse in hter own home. She's not that kind of grandma. Sure, but "huh?" She's a 7 year old girl!! And she's allowed to burp at home. Her parents are pretty easygoing and that's cool at her house.<br><br>
I'm upset with myself. I hadn't liked the game my brother and the girl were playing. I tried to get him to stop winding her up, but I gave up way too soon. I HATE the way he treats kids. They love him, but he always takes the game a little to far. I'm always recusing some kid from him. And I was already disgusted with myself BEFORE sil when nuts.<br><br>
I should have got between my SIL and her grandaughter. I hesitated enough that I was following them outside instead of keeping her inside.<br><br>
I can't even type coherantly, I just don't know what to do.

 

[fourgrtkidos]

oh, this is sad. Although I am not totally sure what exactly happened. Maybe, just be sure you stay in the little girl's life. Sounds like she needs a stable loving force in her life.

 

[MamaAllNatural]

I'm sorry, I'm confused too. It definately sounds like there's a lot of different things going on. I'm sorry for you and for the little girl.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Apricot</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hadn't liked the game my brother and the girl were playing. I tried to get him to stop winding her up, but I gave up way too soon. I HATE the way he treats kids. They love him, but he always takes the game a little to far. I'm always recusing some kid from him.</div>
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I found this worrisome. At the risk of offending, it sounds like he shouldn't ever be with children. How old is your brother? This strikes me as a little dangerous.

 

[isleta]

So sorry<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s

 

[Meiri]

Burping is abuse??? What planet is she from?<br><br>
When one of ours is getting out of line obnoxious, we send them to their room until they're ready to be civilized (enough). But for burping???

 

[TiredX2]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I hadn't liked the game my brother and the girl were playing.</td>
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Is this the spouse of SIL? Does he get kicked out too? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry. I hope it all works out--- could SIL be going through (sorry) but menopause or something/moody/depressed?

 

[Jane]

I appreciate the hugs. I don't think I realized how upset I was until I saw how incoherant that post was. I went away to think about it for awhile instead of trying to fix it, but really appreciate anyone who slogged through it.<br>
The more coherent (I hope) summary:<br>
Went to a family dinner at my brother's house. His wife went ballistic on her 7 year old granddaughter for burping. Said 7 year old's dad has said that he is never coming back again, because he'd rather drop his new family rather than submit his children to verbal abuse.<br>
I'm confused as to why a 50 year old woman would flip like that with out warning.<br>
I'm angry that I didn't step in effectively when things were going out of control.<br>
I'm sad that she got yelled at when she was already having such a shitty week.

 

[Jane]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TiredX2</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry. I hope it all works out--- could SIL be going through (sorry) but menopause or something/moody/depressed?</div>
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Yeah. Something BETTER be going on, cause if that's her new personality, it sucks! I'm gonna let her cool off a bit and talk to her about depression and menopause. She's 50 this year.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Meiri</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Burping is abuse??? What planet is she from?<br><br>
When one of ours is getting out of line obnoxious, we send them to their room until they're ready to be civilized (enough). But for burping???</div>
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Sounds reasonable to me. I would hope there's some amount of warning involved, too. She was screaming something about, "I'm not the kind of grandma that you treat like your friends." I'll admit I wouldn't like to be burped at either, but it seems like that would require a mild reprimand at most.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaAllNatural</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I found this worrisome. At the risk of offending, it sounds like he shouldn't ever be with children. How old is your brother? This strikes me as a little dangerous</div>
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My brother is 57. He likes kids and they like him. However, he's one of those people who doesn't read kids (or adults) very well. He just doesn't notice when the screams of enjoyment become screams of irritation. He tickles toddlers too much. He plays keepaway with 10 year olds too long. He's a lot of fun, they keep coming back, but the phrase, "Thomas, you leave that baby alone! You've wound him up enough" is a common phrase around his house.<br><br>
Why did the girl act bad in front of grandma? Because grandpa wound him up. It's not fair for grandpa to be a barrel of laughs and grandma to want to be all still and proper. It's too confusing. He needs to tone it done and she needs to not take (WHATEVER IT IS) out on a 7 year old.

 

[Viola]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Apricot</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm confused as to why a 50 year old woman would flip like that with out warning.</div>
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I'm thinking something the long the lines of bipolar, diabetes or epilepsy, just because the people in my family who suffer from these have had anger problems. This sounds exactly like something my mom would do, to tell you the truth, and now I'm 37 and I realize that the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. When I was 5, my mom screamed that she was leaving us (me and my 4 year old sister), and then left us for several hours. She pushed us out of the house and locked the door when we were teens. It was winter and night time. Then when I took off walking down the sidewalk, she came and yelled at me to get back here. I think she just would get so angry she didn't know what to do with it.<br><br>
It sounds like you SIL is having a lot of anger problems and is taking it out on the easiest target. Maybe she can get some help. I don't blame the girl's father for not wanting to expose his child to that. Now that I have anger problems of my own, I can actually sort of sympathize with my mom.

 

[Jane]

Amy, it's definitely a family trait. I'm the same way, with the blowout and the tantrum. I had a long talk with my mom tonight about that, about yelling and screaming and being sorry afterwards. I think you're a great mom, so I'm glad to hear that there's hope for me. Did you ever patch it up with your mom?<br><br>
I did hear an update from my mom. I'd called her so she'd call my nephew in the morning. She's the level head in the family, after all. Turns out grandma went over at 11 pm to sort things out. Claimed she went out on the porch right afterwards to apologize, which was totally denied by the 7 yo.<br>
Also claims that the girlfriend and I totally blew things waaay out of proportion.<br>
Says my mom yells at her son (true, so what? That's her son, and SHE says she's sorry).<br><br>
I was planning to talk to her in a few days about "change of life" and things being a little strange and stuff. About my depression and the ANGER (not sadness) that accompanies that. I may not feel like it if she doesn't feel sorry.