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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Inspired by:<br><br>
A post on another board that included the line "Well, my personal opinion is, why suffer if you don't have to!" (WRT to the epidural, natch.)<br><br>
Wow, I thought! I've never heard that before! "Personal opinion," indeed!<br><br>
Preamble:<br><br>
As you may know, I do not yet have children, although I am a big supporter of choice in birth. I am also a big supporter of *choice* in having children-- as a lifestyle. Meaning that I believe that choosing not to have children is an absolutely valid choice. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and I am always glad to see thoughtful people taking that seriously-- making a conscious choice to have or not have children, instead of having them simply because "that's what you do."<br><br>
That said, because many people don't give childbearing/rearing the thought it deserves, they often feel threatened or confused by those who would be childfree by choice. They tend to parrot a lot of B.S. or semi-B.S., instead of just accepting that not everyone wants children. CFBCers refer to this as "getting bingoed," because the same tired justifications and reactions are trotted out so often that someone actually designed a little BINGO board filled with them. That way, you can laminate it, put it in your purse, and pull it out when people start saying:<br><br>
"You'll change your mind." (Yeah, maybe. But I don't think you know me better than I know myself!)<br><br>
"Who will take care of you when you're older?" (Do you think that all of the people in nursing homes are childless?)<br><br>
"It's different when they're your own." (Yes, you can't give them back!)<br><br>
Etc...<br><br>
Yay! I got BINGO! What do I win?<br><br>
Not to say that people don't *ever* change their minds, that it's *never* different when they're your own (in a good way), but sheesh! The way people try to push this stuff on people whom they (sometimes) barely know! And then they act like it's so original, or some big secret/nugget of wisdom!<br><br>
This goes for almost any "non-mainstream" decision about a major life stage-- especially one which most people don't give enough thought to. Obviously, we who support NCB or homebirth get this [email protected] *all the time*.<br><br>
There's something so insulting to the intelligence about "bingoisms"-- they float around in the ether like maxims or universal truths that we can all agree on.<br><br>
"Sometimes, you're [email protected] if you do, [email protected] if you don't" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br>
"Big Macs are fattening." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br>
"Get the epi! Why suffer if you don't have to?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br>
If these things weren't some evidence of cultural indoctrination, then the following scenario would never have occurred:<br><br>
I had a minor PG scare a few years ago-- just paranoia, really. I had been married a few years, was about a day late w/AF, and was on BC pills. But I couldn't sleep, so I drove over to the all-night grocery store and bought a PG test.<br><br>
As I'm checking out-- and *maybe*, *possibly* a week PG, but probably not-- the checkout lady says this to me:<br><br>
"Get the epidural!"<br><br>
I can't make this stuff up!<br><br>
Not to mention all the childfree women, teenagers and even men who have told me to get an epi. Men!<br><br>
My Big Idea, After All That Buildup:<br><br>
I say we create a little BINGO card of our own.<br><br>
That "most outrageous thing" thread was a great place to vent, and this isn't exactly like that-- I'm just looking for the really, mind-numbingly common (yet ignorant) things people say. We can make a card, laminate it and put it in our purses! We don't have to take it out (unless we're feeling cheeky!) but it might give us a tiny bit of smug satisfaction if we know it's there (literally or figuratively)!<br><br>
I am currently taking suggestions, but I'll start us off:<br><br>
"You don't get a medal!"<br><br>
"Before there were hospitals, women used to diiiiie in childbirth!"<br><br>
"You say you don't want drugs, but once that first contraction hits, you'll be begging for the epidural!"<br><br>
"You're so brave!"<br><br>
"Well, if the doctors hadn't saved me with a C-sec/episiotomy, I/Baby would have died!"<br><br>
Feel free to add... I'll be <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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You need to be in the hospital....just in case!<br><br>
You wouldn't get a tooth filled without novacaine, would you?
 

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Yeah my MIL said something similar to *you don't get a medal*<br><br>
She said--- They don't give out rewards for all natural labor<br><br>
*sigh*<br><br>
I said, what about the personal reward?
 

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how about the UC enhanced version:<br><br>
who will deliver the baby? (ME!)<br><br>
who will catch the baby???? (it will fall and be injured)<br><br>
what if there is a cord around the neck? (ummm...unwrap it)<br><br>
You are so brave! (repeat I know)<br><br>
Your husband is so brave (huh? let's focus on the right person here!)<br><br>
Your husband knows what to do!!!??? (um...being quiet and bringing me gatorade is hard?)<br><br>
Oh! You don't want to pay a midwife, huh? (not to wait at her house i don't)<br><br>
My favorite: How will you cut the cord? (scissors don't work at home?)<br><br>
How will you know when to push? (how do you know when to poop?)<br><br>
How will you know when it's *time* (The same way I knew when/how to conceive it)<br><br>
What about the mess? (you obviously don't have kids)<br><br>
What if you need an epidural/episiotomy/forceps etc...? (isn't that the point?)<br><br>
When will you rest? (when do mothers rest? never! Okay...that's not really true...I'm getting carried away now :LOL )<br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
I'll think of more tomorrow I'm sure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hmmmmm, I've got to add one myself (inspired by another thread):<br><br>
"A healthy baby is the only thing that matters!"
 

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I liked these when I was planning a homebirth-<br><br>
"You're crazy! Why would you want to have labor without relief?" (How's about, so I can have delivery without being cut in half?)<br><br>
"Does the midwife have a medical degree?" (No, she's some hobo I found under a bridge that wanted to make a couple bucks!) (In reality, she doesn't have a degree, since she's direct-entry rather than a CNM, but she's also got plenty of experience under her belt.)<br><br>
"What if you need an episiotomy?" (No one needs one, IMO.)<br><br>
"Can the midwife give you an epidural?" (What???)<br><br><br>
And then, about breastfeeding-<br><br>
"Why would you do that? Just bottle-feed, they baby will be fine!"<br><br>
"You need to wean- your breastmilk is making your baby sick." (And this coming from a pediatrician! When my ds was 3 months old!)<br><br><br>
And about cloth diapering-<br><br>
"Ewwww, you're going to wash poop in your home washer? You should at least take them to a laundromat!" (So I can wash poop in washers for the general public?)<br><br>
"That's so much work!" (Not really any more than diapering with paper!)<br><br>
"They're so expensive!"<br><br><br>
And about being a SAHM-<br><br>
"You should go and get a real job so you can make some money so your dh doesn't have to work as hard." (This, from my dad, and mind you my dh only works 40 hours a week!)<br><br>
"You should get a job so you can have a break from the kids." (I AP, my break from the kids is taking a crap in the morning and a shower when I get the chance. Sorry that I'm investing more in my kids than you did, Dad.)<br><br>
"You should keep your house cleaner and have dinner ready for when your dh gets home from work." (And I'm also supposed to get a 'real' job? AND do all these things?)<br><br><br>
I could go on and on and on, seriously. It amazes me how insensitive people can be- and how stupid. Wow.
 

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funny concept!<br><br>
I'm imagining a very pregnant woman, carrying around her Bingo card, and hoping to win at blackout....how about this one?<br><br>
"They're a lot easier to take care of when they're in there, you know!"<br><br>
(It makes me think of the New Baby bingo card, too:<br>
"Is baby sleeping through the night?" ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGUH!)
 

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oooh, for the new baby bingo card - "Is he/she a GOOD baby?"<br><br>
"is he/she eating solids or 'real' food yet?"<br><br>
for the homebirth - "well, I would want to be at the hospital just in case my baby needed it" (heard this from my mom, last night)<br><br>
"well, maybe it's a good thing they monitor your blood pressure/fetal heartrate during labor - you might need that" (gee, how did the human race survive up until now?)<br><br>
"sign me up for an elective c-section" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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I've heard most of those too, but I think these are my favorites:<br><br>
I have a history of precipitous labors...all four labors with DDs were 1.5 hours and less...all four pregnancies went the full 40 weeks...<br><br>
"You should let them slow your labors down so you can get the epidural." Ummm...why?<br><br>
"You must have taken some medicines that make your labors so fast."<br><br>
"Your baby (DD #1) is fussy because she's allergic to your breastmilk. Trust me, she'll be happier on formula." Yeah right. Never tried it, never will.<br><br>
...and now, for my absolute favorite of all time...<br><br>
"Your poor DH, FOUR girls...he must be disappointed that you didn't give him boys. He must want to 'try' to have that boy."
 

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How long will they let you go?<br><br>
What day are they scheduling your induction for?<br><br>
and for the new baby...<br><br>
What formula is she on?
 

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My family's, and DP's family's answer, answer to almost all of the choices I've made that they think are weird has always been, "Well, we'll see how long THAT'LL last." Cloth diapers, co-sleeping, etc. And not just parenting stuff, either. No TV, the job I used to do, the place where I live, the food I eat. It's like they think it's some kind of whim that I'll get over when "reality" sets in. Yeah right. It's been one of my personal joys to prove them wrong. Sheer stubbornness, my MIL thinks.<br><br>
So,<br>
"We'll see how long THAT lasts."
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">"You should let them slow your labors down so you can get the epidural." Ummm...why?</td>
</tr></table></div>
:LOL<br><br>
Yeah, I've actually heard of women who were <i>disappointed</i> that their "labors went too fast to get an epidural." Lady, you don't know how good you have it! Dingbat!<br><br>
I like "well we'll see how long THAT lasts." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"><br><br>
For homebirth, how about "who will clean up the mess?"<br><br>
For midwives: "Don't you want a <i>professional</i> with you?"<br><br>
Jeez, people are like sheep sometimes. "Baaaaaah! Four legs good, two legs bad!"<br><br>
Actually, this all reminds me a lot more of the indoctrination of "Brave New World," where they pumped these aphorisms into nurseries and over loudspeakers until they became reflexive. "Everyone belongs to everyone else."<br><br>
Or the looping script they'd play while the children were sleeping: "I'm really awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I don't work so hard. And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don't want to play with Delta children..."<br><br>
The explanation was that they did this "Till at last the child's mind is the suggestions, and the sum of the suggestions is the child's mind. And not the child's mind only. The adult's mind too-- all his life long. The mind that judges and desires and decides-- made up of these suggestions."<br><br>
Yeah. Not far enough from the truth for my taste. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake">
 

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heard this one at a baby shower lasty week. the honored woman (my best friend) is palnning to use cloth, and someone offended by this spoke up- "gee, that's a lot of water."<br><br>
yeah. ok. lots of landfill is definately better than lots of water.
 

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I love this thread<br><br><br>
Bottle feeding is easier :puke<br>
Easier than what??????????? WHipping out a boob <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Your gonna have a doctor at your homebirth, right?????<br>
Sorry, last Doc I know who attended homebirth retired about 7 years ago :LOL<br><br>
What if something goes wrong, LIKE WHAT I BURST IN TWO????????<br><br>
What if its TWINS?????????? UMMMMMMMMMMM <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><br><br>
Can your midwife do a c section??????????? (Somebody please explain the stupidity behind this one!!!)<br><br>
About my CBE classes: "What you dont know how to give birth?<br>
NO I just need help on doing it w/o an epi. You mean you cant have an epi with a homebirth???????" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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When discussing the issue that hospital aren't necessarily the safest places to give birth and OBs aren't necessarily the best "attendents," I get:<br><br>
"God invented doctors!"<br><br>
"God invented epidurals!"<br><br>
First, no he didn't, man did. But to continue with their reasoning, I usually reply with "God also invented pedophiles and murderers, but that doesn't make what they do okay."
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Hee hee! God invented epidurals!<br><br>
Hey Janna! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"><br><br>
I know you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mmaramba</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hee hee! God invented epidurals!<br><br>
Hey Janna! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"><br><br>
I know you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/truedat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Truedat"><br><br>
Good to see you here! What took you so long? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jlpolzin</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/truedat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Truedat"><br><br>
Good to see you here! What took you so long? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"></div>
</td>
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<br>
Hee hee! As a non-mom, I was intimidated by the idea of posting on a board called "Mothering," I guess!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mmaramba</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hee hee! As a non-mom, I was intimidated by the idea of posting on a board called "Mothering," I guess!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Join the club. (Hey, we should start a club!)
 

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For breastfeeding: "Oh, doing that past one year causes psychological damage."<br><br>
The worst part is I nursed for 2 years (Thanks mommy!), and she sees this as support, not refutation, of her theory. Grrr.
 
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