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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm all about following the baby's cues, etc. So...why am I SO SAD that my dd doesn't want to (or can't) cosleep? Maybe b/c I feel like she's going to be our last? I don't know, but I'm wondering if you all see cosleeping as you see breastfeeding...that it is NATURAL for them to do it, and unnatural for a baby to want to be alone when she sleeps. She has coslept part-time, but is now 9 mos. and cries and flails around when I try to keep her in our bed. She's a busy baby and I'm wondering if other "busy babies" cosleep. But, I can HARDLY get her to nurse to sleep anymore. She nurses for nutrition and that's IT!! So, I'm also worried about early weaning (see my other threads!!)
So, am I giving up too early, or should I follow her cues? When she wakes up to nurse, she'll nurse in bed with me, but when she's done...she's done and won't go to sleep again (at 3 am) unless I put her back in her bed. Any thoughts?
 

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It sounds like you've trained her to sleep in her bed. My dd has never slept anywhere but our bed, so she doesn't realize there's another option....

-Angela
 

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It sounds like your littlest happy girl is communicating her needs to her mom! I would just do what you're doing, and offer her the opportunity to cosleep in case she has a day where she wants to, and continue going with the flow!

Clara
 

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Babies are just little people. Like all people, some want or need more or less personal space than others. Not all babies are thrilled to be carried all the time either.

She'll probably nurse more again when she gets used being able ot be so busy, if that makes sense. I see this is your youngest so you probably do. At that age I'd definitely still be encouraging the nursing.....but you're here about sleep. I think going with what works for her is just fine. Seems the most important thing is making sure she knows that she is always welcome int he family bed and it doesn't sound like htat's an issue at all.
 

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Sounds like your little girl just has a high need for personal space. All children have a uniue set of needs, and hers makes a lot of sense considering she has two older sibs and probably things are pretty busy around your place during the day. Perhaps she just really needs her 'downtime' to be 100% down. (I think I know how she feels, I like to be left alone at night too!)

How nice for her that she has a mommy who is sensitive to her developing personality!
 

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I agree with the idea that she is an unique person who has her own needs and, even though it's tough, she'll tell you what she needs. It's hard though! I have a friend whose mother was very distant and not affectionate. My friend was determined to be a loving mother who showed affection and all that. Her daughter is naturally a more "detached" kind of kid, who is not into hugging and snuggling. It was hard for my friend to adjust and give her space, but she did, and her daughter is a well-adjusted, strong-willed, fun and independent child. Trust your instincts and those of your child.
 

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I KWYM, I wish DS was more cuddly. We do cosleep, but I know he *wishes* he had his own bed LOL. He really sleeps better when I'm not there, and sometimes I feel guilty for not giving him his space! I can't imagine not having him in the bed though. I keep thinking it will get better, that he'll just learn to sleep better with me.

I think your baby had a distinct personality. I see it with my own kids. DD HAS to co sleep, DS doesn't really want to. I say good job for following the cues of the child!

As for the weaning.. that scares me too. I would just say offer offer offer!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you all for the encouragement and recognition that I'm trying to do the right thing by her! I find myself holding on tightly to her "baby-ness", if that makes sense. Every day she grows older I'm trying to embrace her newfound self and give her the nurturing she needs, as well as give her "room to grow". I guess this is different for every baby. I do see that she seems to really keep track of the older two and she is maybe needing more "down time" from being so busy and stimulated during the day. She lets me hold her A LOT during the daytime hours. Like I said, I may feel more strongly because she may be our last little one. I really have tried to keep her with me, but I just don't feel right about forcing it. I will keep her crib in our room as long as I can....maybe she'll come back to our bed at some point. I'm glad I didn't spend money on that "cage free" onesie, though!!


Added: Last night after she went to sleep in her crib, I went and got her out and we lie in our bed together for about 45 minutes until I felt she was waking up (probably from me holding her TOO TIGHT!!)
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
It sounds like you've trained her to sleep in her bed. My dd has never slept anywhere but our bed, so she doesn't realize there's another option....

-Angela
hm. maybe i'm reading into things, but this post sounds a little judgmental..."trained"? i dunno, this just rubbed me the wrong way. maybe if you'd offered a suggestion rather than just leaving it with she's trained her child, and you didn't. i suppose you've "trained' your daughter too, just in your bed.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by 3happygirls
When she wakes up to nurse, she'll nurse in bed with me, but when she's done...she's done and won't go to sleep again (at 3 am) unless I put her back in her bed. Any thoughts?
Did you steal my dd????? Seriously that is her to a T. She rolls over and starts going "da da da ba ba ba la la al" and playing around. Dh brings her to the crib and she goes right to sleep. I co-slept and used a crib from day 1, but she prefers the crib. She may outgrow it though. In the last week or so Rivka has been drifting off next to me during the night
It's so nice to have a cuddly baby in my bed again
 

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my son was similar at that age.. very independent of mommy! We moved him into his own bed/room at about 9 months old. He's now starting to love to snuggle again at 3
I missed the snuggles while they were gone but they do come back!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
It sounds like you've trained her to sleep in her bed. My dd has never slept anywhere but our bed, so she doesn't realize there's another option....

-Angela
Oh, Angela, I would have posted the exact same thing when I had only one child. But, little humans really are quite different from birth. My son was a huge cosleeper at 4 he still sleep with us most nights.

Just because your daughter doesn't like sleeping anywhere but with you doesn't mean she represents every child. We prepared for my second baby by getting a King sized bed so we could all share sleep. From the beginning she had other plans. She really couldn't sleep in bed with us. I wanted to cuddle and nurse her all night long, but she'd cry inconsolably, she couldn't relax it seeed. Everyone in bed bugged her to no end and it go worse once she was crawling. I even tried switching rooms so it was her and me in bed... NOPE. She wasn't having it. I borrowed someone's crib & put her in it one night after nursing to sleep. She slept 6 hours straight & then another 3 after nursing. She was well rested, she was happy & content, not cranky and drowsy like she had been before.

I feel silly explaining that children are different, but they just are. Your daughter is not OP's daughter & it sounds like you really haven't had the experience the OP is talking about. It was heartbreaking to me when my "last" baby didn't want to sleep with me. I felt jilted! I imagine you would feel the same if you chose to have another and he/she did not act like you expect all babies to act based upon your daughter's behavior.

Sorry, I got off topic from the original post. The thing is, it's wonderful that you're listening to your daughter, 3happpygirls. And, while I know we wish they'd act the way we expect and the way we want them to act, but isn't it just a really good lesson in parenthood? Here's a really big
for not being able to share sleep with your last babe. And, here's another big
for allowing her to be the little human that she is.
 

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I agree, kids are all different. My oldest started out in our bed but he really could care less where he slept. After he fell off the bed a gazillion times I put him in his crib for naps and then he started preferring his own space at night too.

My daughter is the exact opposite. She ONLY wants to be in our bed, even for naps. LOL She could be heavily asleep and if I lay her on my bed she opens her eye to check and make sure she is on the right color sheets. LOL
 

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OP: One of our twins is like this. DH sometimes has to move her away from me and put her in their little bed next to ours, and then she'll sleep soundly.

Maybe it would help you to have your DP help like this? I don't know.

I agree with Spark that babies are all different.

Kalpana would nurse through the night all night. Amrita, day and night, is pretty quick to start and finish. And this affects how they view sleeping and night nursing. They're twins, so it's not likely that the difference is in how receptive DH and I have been to co-sleeping.

Alegna: your child never falls asleep in the carseat, or on the floor while playing, or in the sling, or in your lap, or....???? Babies realise pretty quickly, I think, that there are places to sleep other than parents' bed. Just my two cents.
 

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Just a note on the early potential weaning... really watch that because when you have older kids it's very common for the youngest to want to do "big kid" things and lose interest in nursing. I watched one of my good friends struggle to get past 10 months by pumping and letting her son drink from a cup because he would. not. nurse. If you can (which I'm sure it's near impossible with your two other kids running around!) try to create a very quiet, dim, relaxing environment for her to nurse. and like someone else said, offer, offer, offer!! My friend's baby did make it through that hump but she's had supply issues from the start so he nursed so little at one point that her milk is basically gone (he's 15 months)...but she still comfort nurses. Go figure that NOW he wants to nurse!! anyway, just wanted to mention that.

and I DEFINITELY don't think you "trained" your daughter to sleep alone!! That is an absolutely absurd comment. Training would imply that you'd actually put some effort into her getting out of your bed by some means of coercion. My daughter was much like yours and we didn't cosleep at all for a long time, because cosleep=nosleep to her. She would play and touch our faces and crawl around but definitely not sleep. Recently (at 17 months) she has been coming back to our bed more and more for comfort (and sleeps GREAT there which is nice!!) and is MUCH more cuddly than she was as an older baby (I'd say from 6 months-over a year she just wanted to be DOWN, not held or slung or cuddled).
 

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I probalby should have known that T was going to have issues with co-sleeping, but I too wanted that little snuggly guy with me all night. Around 2am, I swear he turned into a different baby! All legs and shoving and not wanting to be near me. It was probably quite the sight, him shoving and me saying "Oh, baby, don't be mad, mommy's here" and trying to cuddle all the more, him getting madder. We finally got a crib a few weeks ago and he's done great!

Really, listening to your babies needs is by no means "training" them. I wouldn't consider mine busy though, he just wants his own space.
 

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I would do just as you are already doign.. My now-3-y/o never wanted to sleep with us when she was a baby. But for the past 7 months, she has been happily back in our bed and doesn't like sleeping anywhere else. Just wait and give her space right now. I know it's hard, mama, but she'll be "back".
 

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I don't think it is a matter of training, but of trying new things if something (including cosleeping) doesn't seem to meet a babies needs. OP it sounds like you are meeting YOUR dds needs very well


BJ
Barney & Ben
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
It sounds like you've trained her to sleep in her bed. My dd has never slept anywhere but our bed, so she doesn't realize there's another option....

-Angela


Babies are different - just because your little girl needs her own space to stretch out in while she sleeps doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong. You picked up on her cues and do what makes her happy, that's exactlt what a good Mama should do. Her preference for sleeping alone may change, might not too - regardless, as long as your little sweetie is happy and getting all of the sleep she needs then why worry.

Good luck Mama!
 

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my ds3 is like that. he really does just need his personal space.

all kids are different. no ONE child is going to give anyone the answer to all a child's issues....

good luck!
 
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