[tofersmomma]

Still finding my way around the forums, so I apologize if this is not in the right place. Just wanted to share a story...

Yesterday, my husband suggested a boy's name and I immediately shot it down because the nickname would be my ex-boyfriend's name--my last ex before my husband.

I don't know; I just thought it was weird. Of course, my husband didn't think of that, but I immediately did and then I felt bad because should I still be thinking of my ex? I don't THINK about him, but when I hear that name, I guess it's only natural.

Anyways, I immediately shot it down, but my husband's reasoning for it was good, so then I felt bad...and heck, we have 8 more months, but is that something I should get over? Weird situation!

 

[Barefoot~Baker]

I can understand that completely. I have ex's with nice names that I wouldn't consider for my children because the names just remind me of them, and that would just be weird

 

[guestmama9916]

What was your DH's reason for wanting to use that name? I don't think you should feel bad about not immediately liking a name because it reminds you of someone else. Its ok to have an opinion.

My DH and I have had a long running (friendly) feud over a certain boys name that rhymes with my nephew's name. It was a name he wanted to use before we got together and before he ever met my family so he's got his heart set on it. I don't like it because its too similar to the nephew's name. After 2 long years of him saying how much he likes the name, I finally agreed to use it. Of course now that he won, he's not so dead set on using the name after all.

Men!!

 

[belltree]

I completely understand your first reaction, as well as your second. I find it normal to associate people to the names we hear. But if it is a really good name and you give it a chance, I bet, sooner than later you will associate your son with the name and not anymore your EX.

Your story reminds me of my MIL's reaction to my SIL's baby boys name. The child was named after his grandfather. And my MIL would always imagine her father with a beard in her daughter's belly. It took her a couple days or weeks to adjust and now she loves her grandson including his name.

 

[bemommy]

I don't think you're weird. I can't imagine naming any of my kids with the name of an ex. I would think it would be too weird. I have a difficult time thinking of naming a baby after most anyone that I might have known or had a past with that is still living (ds is named after my late grandfather).

DH keeps trying to talk me into a name for this baby. . and I like the name. But it was the name of a girl that I was friends with in high school. And I just can't do it.

 

[philomom]

No way... no ex names.

 

[tofersmomma]

Thank you everyone for your replies! I'm really glad I'm not the only one!

saving_grace: My husband and I are Christians and the day we found we were expecting, he was reading the Book of Daniel, particularly when Daniel refused to bow down to the King, but rather his God. The meaning of Daniel is "God is my judge" and there's a bit more to the story, but that's the jist. I love, love the name, but inevitably he will be called Danny and that is my ex's name....

I'm the same way. I think with all the names in the world, why would I name a baby after someone I knew/know.

Philomom - I love your direct response! hehe

Anyways, can someone tell me what "ds" and "DH" means? Thanks!

 

[sunshynbaby]

That's not weird at all. I eliminate all ex names, as well as names that I have random mild bad feelings about (like that the name of that girl who bullied me in the fourth grade, etc.).

 

[sunshynbaby]

DH - Dear husband (or darn/damn husband depending on how you are feeling)
DD - Dear Daughter
DS - Dear Son

 

[tofersmomma]

Hey, thanks! I figured something along those lines, but it was driving me crazy not knowing!

 

[tankgirl136]

I have to agree I have a terrible time not cutting down DH's name suggestions if I have a association with the names to another person who we are close to or that remind me of someone I don't like.

When we were hoping for a girl DH was pushing the name Natasha, but I refused because Natasha was our last cat. I also vetoed Gabriel because he was also my cat. I don't know why it bothers me so much but for the most part I am refusing to name LO after one of my old pets. Now I wish I had used less people names for my pets!

It's hard to seperate names with their associations and you both have to be ok with what the name signifies for you in the end.

 

[zinemama]

I'm not surprised that you wouldn't want to give the baby the same name as your ex. But I am surprised that your husband suggested it.

 

[notjustmamie]

We have complete freedom to veto names that just don't work. There is one name I love, but reminds DH of a former crush who hurt him pretty badly. It's out the window.

There are plenty of nice names in the world, I don't want to saddle my kid with one that has bad associations for one of his/her parents, ya know?

 

[shakenbake]

im still trying how to figure out telling my DH i REALLLY dont want to name this baby jr if its a boy not that i dont like his name but i want our kids to have there own names and not his

 

[LuckyTrish]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakenbake im still trying how to figure out telling my DH i REALLLY dont want to name this baby jr if its a boy not that i dont like his name but i want our kids to have there own names and not his

That's how it is in my DH's family too! I just told him I didn't really like that tradition very much, and he didn't feel strongly about it so it wasn't an issue. However, I think telling his parents might be a different story...!

OP: IMO ex's names are out! But maybe you both could come to an agreement if you didn't ever call him Danny, just Daniel or Dan...? He may eventually be called Danny by teachers/friends though. Gah I don't know. haha Good luck!!

 

[OTMomma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tofersmomma saving_grace: My husband and I are Christians and the day we found we were expecting, he was reading the Book of Daniel, particularly when Daniel refused to bow down to the King, but rather his God. The meaning of Daniel is "God is my judge" and there's a bit more to the story, but that's the jist. I love, love the name, but inevitably he will be called Danny and that is my ex's name....

I don't understand why he'd automatically be called Danny. I've known a couple of Daniels that were never ever called Danny. Daniel isn't long enough it needs to be shortened. If your family is big big on nicknames, I'd look for a nickname I liked before I picked a name, but my family tends to call children what their parents name them- though we tend to not pick names with 4 or more sylables either.

 

[VegMomma]

I would never dream of naming a child the same as an ex. The scenario that runs through my mind is running into the ex, and having to introduce your child of the same name. How awkward. That ex would probably think (okay, not probably, but maybe) that you are some crazy obsessed stalker. Stay away!

 

[tofersmomma]

I love all the responses my questions generated! It's going to be fun to show the hubby!

Just a few quick points--

zinemama: My ex's name is literally Danny, not Daniel, so I'm sure that has something to do with why my husband completely did not make the association.

OTMama: That's a good point. If we're firm that no, his name is Daniel others will catch on. I do think my husband and I are big on nicknames, so we'd have to train ourselves!

Example: Our son Christofer immediately became Tofer, and at school automatically became Chris. The teacher did ask permission though first.

 

[amydiane]

I totally understand not wanting to use a name that has a strong association, especially with an ex. DH and I have both vetoed many names that remind us of other people, sometimes even when it's not a particularly negative association.

BTW though, my DS's name is Daniel and so far, no one calls him Danny. We don't particularly dislike Danny as a nickname, but we prefer Daniel and it's pretty much stuck. We're okay with it if he ends up being called Danny at some point, though. DH likes Dan, but I think that's more suitable when he's older. Also, his middle name starts with a J, so he could be DJ too (one of his nurses called him that). We like that there are several options.

 

[calpurnia]

not naming after an ex is a basic rule in this family! james, jamie, richard, victoria & hannah are all off the cards here...