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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so i'm 22 weeks pregnant. i've "known" the from the beginning, it felt so right, but i knew DH would have reservations. so i slowly revealed it to him, he VETOED completely. i told him that then he had to find a name that i liked as much. he actually sat at the computer, went through hundreds of baby names, came up with 5 or 6 that he liked. i LOVED one of them! more than mine--it sounded sort of similar, but was very unique. LOVED it! told him so right away. we talked about how we'd pronounce it. we agreed on it. we were done. we talked about some possibilities for the middle name and he liked the one that i chose.<br><br>
so for the last 3 weeks i've been calling this baby by this name. it is the most perfect name for this baby!<br><br>
today DH comes home from his business trip, we chit-chat about the baby, and he says, well, the only thing left is to find a name. (where is the jaw dropping smiley when i need it?)<br><br>
so i tell him, honey, we alreayd named the baby! he asks me what it is, i tell him the name. he says, well, we have a problem, i don't like it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
so what do i do now? this name=this baby to me. i'm not letting him choose again! but he isn't agreeing to name the baby with this name!
 

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That's not fair at all. He chose the name, he can't say he doesn't like it now. I know men are useful for the baby making process, but they are useless when it comes to the baby naming process.<br><br>
FWIW, I thought we had a name picked out for this little guy and DH says "I think we should look at names again." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Jenn
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rabrog</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9885949"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's not fair at all. He chose the name, he can't say he doesn't like it now. I know men are useful for the baby making process, but they are useless when it comes to the baby naming process.<br><br>
FWIW, I thought we had a name picked out for this little guy and DH says "I think we should look at names again." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Jenn</div>
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omg, so i'm not the only one in this situation? what's wrong with them? HE picked the name. we TALKED about it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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So he claims not to remember the entire naming conversation, him going onto the computer and finding some options, etc? He is either MPD or he told someone the name and they reacted badly.<br><br>
I'd have more conversations with him about it.<br><br>
So what was your first choice for name, and what was the one you and dh "agreed" on? What is he wanting now?
 

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Ask him why he cares what you name the baby if he can't remember it anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I waited until I was in labor to spring my very favorite name on DH. It worked.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kirsten</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9886096"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So he claims not to remember the entire naming conversation, him going onto the computer and finding some options, etc? He is either MPD or he told someone the name and they reacted badly.<br><br>
I'd have more conversations with him about it.<br><br>
So what was your first choice for name, and what was the one you and dh "agreed" on? What is he wanting now?</div>
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i don't think he told anyone about the name, he was on a super busy business trip. not MPD, as far as i know <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> but certainly an expert on tuning me out! but it wasn't a cursory conversation! i wrote down the names, i read them out loud, he said the name that he said he liked several times. we even talked about differnt spellings.<br><br>
i'll tell you my initial choice--Eva. i'm too sensitive about the second one <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> he won't agree to Eva, he is sure. he has so many arguments against it. now i prefer the second name anyway! now he is asleep! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> and i'm left torturing myself! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">QUOTE=LittleRockstar;9886126]Ask him why he cares what you name the baby if he can't remember it anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I waited until I was in labor to spring my very favorite name on DH. It worked.</td>
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omg, this worked for me last time! i'm serious! and he loves the name now. but this time i knew he'd have issues with Eva, so i wanted to prepare him... now i'm happy because i love the new name much more, so maybe i was right to talk to him earlier... but i was so confused with what he said <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
i guess if he keeps forgetting i should drop the subject and wait until i AM in labour! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Totally understand the frustration. With our DD I fought and fought for the name I wanted. DH was completely opposed. Finally about a month before she was born I just gave up and resigned myself to trying to find a name we could agree on. All of a sudden a couple of weeks before DD was born he came to me and agreed to name her the name I wanted. I was shocked! I think we had both just dug in our heals and once I was willing to give a little, he realized maybe it wasn't such a big deal.<br><br>
Since you have plenty of time, I would probably just let it go for a little while....who knows, maybe he will "forget" again and go back to the name you agreed too!<br><br>
And if he agrees again, get it in writing with a witness, so he can't change his mind again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moodymaximus</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9885839"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">this name=this baby to me.</div>
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When I got pregnant with dd2 we had the baby name conversation. I really didn't like his choices, so he wouldn't even listen to my first choice. We agreed on a name anyway, with one of his choices as a middle name.<br><br>
A week before she was born, HE brought it up again, and asked if we were sure. I said "yes, but I still like [myfirstchoice]". This time he asked me what it was, I told him, he said "I really like that". We changed it.<br><br>
All that to say, this name=this baby CAN be changed, even after a whole pregnancy.<br><br>
I'm not touching the whole not listening to you bit - at least until I figure it out for myself here!
 

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With all of our children, we had given them names in utero then when they arrived, they never looked like what we'd named them! for dd1, we literally flipped a coin in the hospital. ds1 we said "you just don't LOOK like a Will" then spent the next 48 hours trying to figure out who he DID look like. dd2 we called her "Caroline" from the moment we found out via amnio she was a girl, but on the way to the hospital I told my dh I didn't really like how it sounded. And with dd3, we hadn't really settled on a name, then dh went into the hospital and wasn't available to help name her. I sat nursing her and just marveled at this perfect being and her name came to me.<br><br>
And all their names suit them. So don't give up yet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momof4peppers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9886351"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">With all of our children, we had given them names in utero then when they arrived, they never looked like what we'd named them! for dd1, we literally flipped a coin in the hospital. ds1 we said "you just don't LOOK like a Will" then spent the next 48 hours trying to figure out who he DID look like. dd2 we called her "Caroline" from the moment we found out via amnio she was a girl, but on the way to the hospital I told my dh I didn't really like how it sounded. And with dd3, we hadn't really settled on a name, then dh went into the hospital and wasn't available to help name her. I sat nursing her and just marveled at this perfect being and her name came to me.<br><br>
And all their names suit them. So don't give up yet.</div>
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i'm not giving up <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> but we have so many restrictions. the names have to sound "right" in both his and mine first languages AND in english; the names have to sort of match the names of the first two DC. we both don't like long names that one has to usually shorten... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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glad i'm not the only one this happened to. DS was going to be X. All was fine with X. I'd always wanted a son named X. Then, DH discovers that X is in the top 5 of names at the moment for boys. He is traumatized by the fact that he was always one of 2 or 3 Ys in his classes at school. So suddenly, 2/3rd of the way through the pregnancy we have to come up with another name! Very grumpy . . . Now I"m used to it, but still. . .. grrrr . . .
 

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Me - I'd stick with the name & tell him too bad. That's not 100% fair, but you asked WWYD & that IS what I'd do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Besides, he's not being fair either.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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i ummm..named my kids what i wanted and told him too bad. the older one he didnt not like the name, but wanted something else more. the little one is "weird" and hed said nooo all along because he wanted the same as the first time. if he liked it, yall allready named the baby and youre the one who has to sign...why has he suddenly decided against it? is there a reason? my kids dad just wanted his fave band peoples name. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">
 

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Totally feel your pain. We went round and round with DD1, we never find out the gender so we have to come up with boy's and girl's names. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: He hated my fav name, I didn't like his, finally agreed on one, only after she was born, he changed his mind. So I named her what I had wanted from the beginning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
With DD2, I agreed to use his leftover name from DD1, but then she was born and was so not a Taegan. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> On the third day I announced what her name was, it was very much her and for DH's sake he did agree, which worked out because that was going to be her name regardless. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
Now DH says he gives up naming DC. And I think I've given up narrowing down a name before they are born, we never end up with that name anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Just start refering to the baby by that name, instead of just "the baby". Maybe he'll start to like it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DariusMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9888940"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">glad i'm not the only one this happened to. DS was going to be X. All was fine with X. I'd always wanted a son named X. Then, DH discovers that X is in the top 5 of names at the moment for boys. He is traumatized by the fact that he was always one of 2 or 3 Ys in his classes at school. So suddenly, 2/3rd of the way through the pregnancy we have to come up with another name! Very grumpy . . . Now I"m used to it, but still. . .. grrrr . . .</div>
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I can sympathize, but I can also sympathize with your dh. DH had his heart set on "Emma" for dd. I like the name okay, but I'm not crazy about it, and I had a feeling it was going to be popular that year. However, dh and I have totally different taste in names and couldn't compromise on anything. So...in the OR, I was so blown away that I was finally seeing the baby I'd waited 10 years for that I went along with "Emma".<br><br>
I don't really think she's an Emma. To me, the name has never really suited her. Besides that, I found out later that it was even more popular than I'd thought - number 2 that year, and Emily was number 1, so there are probably going to be about 12 zillion "Ems".<br><br>
I was one of 5 Lisas in a grad class of 180 people (including the boys). So...90 girls, 5 of us Lisa. There were two other Lisas in our grade over the years, neither of whom finished out high school with us. I <i>hated</i> my name...hated it. I swore up, down, left and right that I would never saddle my kids with a trendy name (not that my parents did it on purpose). And...my daughter has a trendy name.<br><br>
But, you know what? Even though Emma really isn't a name I like that much, and I don't think it really suits her...it's okay. DH was SO thrilled by it, and she's never had another name, so...that's life. I hope having "the" name never bothers her like it bothered me, is all.
 

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<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:medium;"><span>Try making it his idea..... "<span style="font-size:small;"><span><b>Honey, you know -- about the name thing; I was thinking and I can't seem to get past it. I think you really hit the nail on the head with it. It just... fits so perfectly with each of our last names; and we all know <i>that's</i> an extremely difficult feat. I mean, just listen to how wonderful it sounds "Name Lastname and Name Lastname"....I just <i>l<span style="text-decoration:underline;">ov</span>e</i> it. You have <i>great</i> instincts for this kind of thing!!</b></span></span>" ....then walk away.<br><br>
Hey, it's worth a try. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></span></span></span>
 

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And you have just hit upon my one great regret with ds. I know now his name should have been Leaf Pax (lastname). I don't really like his first name <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: He is kind of attached to as he is eight years so that's his name. But if I could go back in time <sigh><br><br>
You asked WWYD- Stand your ground however you can <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I think to first time dads (not always dads, but alot of times dads) once you plant a name on the baby, it is real... a real person, a reality, a child. It is the first choice that you make as parents that will last the rest of their lives. When my DH went through the whole name thing (similar to yours) it wasn't so much about the name, it was about feeling nervous about the reality and the impact of making real decisions as parents. Of this first act of permanence on their psyche. Realizing that the choices you make as parents impact that child forever and here you go! Now, your DH may just be name pickey, or it could be jitters <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">.<br><br>
Personally, for me- I waited. As things went by, as he was able to interalize this change, as I listened to his name suggestions (which would change every day and I had my heart set) he was able to really listen to my name and my desire and stick with a choice only after he was a bit more ready for all of it to happen.<br><br>
I say- take a step back. At 22 weeks, you have time. Give him a bit of room to feel out this person that will be his child. Then, when he's really ABLE to give it a name, bring it up again.<br><br>
My DS's name, my DH vetoed multiple times. Then, when I suggested it near the end of preganancy, he LOVED it and said "Why didn't we think of this name before?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:. I tell myself he just wasn't ready to hear it before... I really think that was true.<br><br>
Now we are trying for #2, he's already calling a child that has not even been concieved by a name! It happens to be my favorite, so I'm all for it (<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> but this time he knows what being a father is and ready for a child- so he has already named her (or him! But a boy name we haven't settled on<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">).<br><br>
In summary- it might not be the name. It might be the timing!<br><br>
I also recommend not sharing your choice with anyone once you both have decided- not even close family. Let the child be known to the two of <i>you</i> first. Let the name become part of you, let it take on the identity of your child, not be subject to the whims and fancy of the rest of the world (that ALWAYS has an oppinion- "My DOG is named Alice!" or "There was a boy named Jesse that I HATED in school!" and the likes...). It becomes special to you, then the outside world and the baby lists and the passing comments don't matter anymore. It is also nice because after the birth, you have something to share. You are introducing a person, not just a baby to fit a name that everyone knew before. And also, most people will keep their yappers shut if they don't like it once it is already on the birth certificate! But of course, these are just my personal oppinions!
 
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