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This is going to sound ungrateful, so I'll just get it over with: is it okay to refuse a baby shower?<br><br>
My MIL was telling me last week that she wants to us throw one, a small family affair. Great! Sounds like fun. I don't really enjoy being in solo in the spotlight, so a few days later I suggested that it be co-ed so DP could come with me - that actually sounded like a LOT of fun to me, and I know he'd enjoy it, too.<br><br>
Unfortunately, she said the planning had been taken over by some women at her church, they want it to be a bigger shower with all the women from the church there, not co-ed, probably with silly shower games, etc. I don't even KNOW these people. I really don't want to go. It's planned pretty close to my due date, so that's stressful, too.<br><br>
Is there a polite way to turn down a shower if someone offers to throw you one? Sounds like the church women are already planning it, without talking to me, but I thought I'd tell MIL I'm not up to it. Is that rude?
 

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I don't understand why church women find planning a shower for someone they don't know to be so exciting, but they do.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: I can totally understand your feelings, but for these women it is a chance for them to get together and share their "wisdom" with a newbie. It doesn't matter if they know the mom or not. For these ladies it is fun and a social event. However, the idea of getting presents from someone I don't know makes me uncomfortable, even if they aren't required. The women giving the gifts don't feel that way, though, so don't feel guilty.<br><br>
It's up to you how you handle it. If you like the idea of the couples shower, perhaps your mil would still hold that for you with the family and friends. You could make margaritas and have chips and salsa (I had virgin drinks at mine) and have a good ole time with family and friends.<br><br>
Turning down a shower is a tough thing. I don't think I could personally do it, especially when it's the church ladies, but I would be dreading it too.
 

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Panda, I think you should refuse, politely... Simply tell your MIL or the "woman in charge" that you are shy, and uncomfortable, but extremley grateful for all their thoughts and well wishes, but that you feel too overwhelmed with the idea and would greatly appreciate that they do not throw you a shower.<br><br>
Another thing is to explain that you have a superstition that something bad will happen if you have a shower... i know that some religous beliefs are that you should never have a shower before a baby is born... (even if you don't really feel that way, you could explain that you do to avoid hurting feelings)...<br><br>
The best thing you can do is talk directly to them... I'm really good at that, i know that it is hard for some people, but i'm sure you'll feel a lot better if you do!!
 

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Or you could accept and still bring DP with you. He may be the only man there, but if he's ok with that, I don't see the problem if it makes you more comfortable.
 

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yeah, what's the deal with the no-men rules??!! Daddies have so few chances to meet other dads that I feel almost a responsibility for getting THEM together as well as us girls! All three co ed showers that I have attended have been a BLAST, and the one females only was so FAKE and cutesy that it almost made me hurl.<br>
The coed ones were just geared differently...people talked about the babies and kids more than the labor...the girls only shower was full of all these catty types who seemed to be trying to scare the cr**p out of my friend who had never been through labor before. I wouldn't want horror stories thrown at me days before my due date, thankyou very much!!!<br>
A shower that close to your due date is BOUND to influence your birth experience, conscously or not...so make it a positive one.
 
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