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I'm feeling really sad right now, for no good reason...<br><br>
So, no one threw me a shower for my first daughter. I live 900 miles from my families, and I had no close female friends, and I was due at the end of the summer so everyone I knew in grad school was gone. I don't think anything has ever made me feel so alone. It wasn't about the presents; I didn't need anything, really, and what I did need (some clothes, a carseat) various of my families helped us out with. But I just wanted someone to... celebrate my pregnancy, and my transition into motherhood with me. And there was no one.<br><br>
So, here I am again... I have one reasonably good female friend, and she's talked about throwing me one. Well, once, months ago. But she's really, really flaky, and I can't actually see her remembering to plan something like that without me basically planning it for her and poking her repeatedly.<br><br>
I now belong to a mom's group, too, and I have one pretty good friend from the group who would definitely organize me one, but her husband lost his job and they're having to move away. And I know lots of other people from that group, and they usually do throw things for new moms, but even though I'm one of the longest-term members in the group, I still am such an outsider. I don't see anybody much because I don't have a car and am a grad student... anyhow, between the holidays coming up and no one being really close to me, I don't think any of them will think of it. Especially because there are a number of other women due around the same time.<br><br>
I guess I could plan one myself, but it feels like that would defeat the point. Besides, no one from that group has ever come to an event I planned myself. Due to my being such an outsider.<br><br>
Anyway, maybe I'm being stupid, and someone *will* remember and think of me. But I kind of doubt it. And now the hormones are making me sob and sob because the idea makes me feel so very, very alone in this.
 

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Here's what I would do. Jump in and volunteer to plan something WITH another mom in your group, FOR another pg mom due before you. Despite being very involved in my local group, nobody threw me a blessingway when I was pg with the twins. I was really sad about it. My mother ended up throwing me this awful shower and invited all of the people who would have been at a blessingway, plus tons of her friends and our family. My friends all had to sit in a different room from me, and basically talked about how much nicer a quiet blessing WOULD have been. They had all waited for somebody else to step up and plan it. 2 years later I have attended many, planned 1 and am currently helping on 2 more. They are all now bugging me to set a date for mine since we are all 3 weeks apart from one another. Sometimes what gets your need noticed is helping to fill that need for someone else first. Plus it is really fun to celebrate with any mama to be. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I had to plan my babyshower when not one, but TWO people flaked out on mine with DD (well, one legitimate dropout, one flake). Honestly, I had no idea there was a 'protocol' on someone else throwing the shower, it being a surprise, etc. until a thread here at MDC. Even the mainstream DDC I was on, the moms believed it's better to celebrate the pregnancy, even if you throw it yourself, than to not have one. Everyone had a lot of fun at mine and no one cared that I'm the one who threw it (and no one there was pregnant, they were just my friends).<br><br>
I think Mamajody has a good idea, though--help someone throw one for someone else and that would be a good way to help connect.
 

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With my first, the nly "shower" I was thrown was people at work, and there weren't presents, just food. Which was really nice and did make me feel special and it was nice to know they were excited about it, too, but not the same as a family/friends shower. My ILs are close, but actually had the balls to tell me that they weren't throwing a shower for me becaue we didn't find out gender and they really wanted to know. Uh, not your decision? Gender neutral, USEFUL stuff?<br><br>
Anyway, I was feeling really down and pretty awful about it, but when baby was born we got so many thoughtful, generous gifts from the most unexpected people, and that was really wonderful.<br><br>
Sorry you're feeling down.
 
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