[Calidris]

Hi, I don't think I have posted on the GD board before since my baby is really too small for any discipline yet, but recently she has started to throw temper tantrums and I am wondering what the GD approach to them is at this age (she's 10 months).
Generally its when she wants something that she can't have and she collapses in a heap on the floor and starts to cry, it bugs me because this is a very AP'd babe and I have rarely heard her cry (except when she was learning to walk and fell down a lot, but thats a different kind of cry). Most people say to leave her there and let her learn she can't get things with crying, but that feels wrong to me, OTOH I don't want to give her the thing she was fussing for because that would send a wrong message (and its normally something she can't have)
Suggestions? Advice? I'm new to this aspect of AP

 

[annab]

Totally normal. The world is opening up to her, she wants to explore it and she can't. I would put away the things that she cannot have. Why create a baby-unfriendly space? She needs to be able to explore and check things out. We put all non-baby things out of sight in the rooms where we spent most of our time.

When she does melt down, hold her, rock her, tell you that you are sorry that the world is so frustrating right now, then distract her with something she loves. When she is not looking, remove the offending object. Definitely don't just leave her there to cry. She needs extra sympathy as she navigates this new phase in her life. There is no reason to give her things that she truly cannot have, but there is no reason to just ignore her either.

 

[Calidris]

thanks, that is pretty much what I try to do, and the place is pretty much baby-safe, but there are always some things (pages of the report we are working on, irreplacable map sheets, shoes she wants to put in her mouth....). Her latest thing is to stand by the front door and bang on it to have it opened, sadly we are not in the kind of neighbourhood where you can leave a door open all day.
She is very cranky these days with new teeth (she has turned from happy baby into constant whine) so the meltdowns happen constantly, sometimes for no reason I can see (I'm holding her, she wants down, I put her down she collapses at my feet sorta thing), its a bit frustrating (I've started signing so I hope that helps some). She treated me to my first toy-store meltdown yesterday

 

[ChasingPeace]

Mama, I'm right there with you! My ds is the same age as your dd and we've been experiencing the same thing. I do what annab suggested, and don't let him just cry. I'll also pop him in the sling when he's doing something like pounding on the bathroom door, wanting to go where he's not supposed to, and won't be distracted. I try to be really animated when I do that, and it usually calms him. When the melt downs are continual, he's usually overly tired, and I take him to bed (we co-sleep) and let him play on the bed until he's ready to nurse to sleep. Fortunately, we haven't had an in-public meltdown yet, so I'll be lurking here to see what works for that!!

 

[eugenemama]

I'm so glad i saw this thread! this is my first time in the GD forum. And today was the first time my 10 mo son had a full-on tantrum. I felt so bad for him, and at a loss for what to do. I held him, he kept going. I set him down and sat right by him, talking to/reassuring him, and he kept going. So then i got up, put a cd on, picked him up and danced with him. That's what finally seemed to calm him. Redirection like other mamas are saying... but it's hard to know what redirection/distraction he needs at the time.

 

[USAmma]

Yep, Nitara is having them too. Watch out

: toddlerhood is right around the corner!!! Nitara's tantrums are simple. She wants something that she can't have. Or because I have to pin her down to mess with her tube site or change her diaper. She loves being pushed in her swing outside, but after 30 minutes it's time to quit! If I even suggest that I'm about to pick her up she screams. Today I pulled her out of it and brought her in the house, tried to distract her. She screamed for a solid 5 minutes and crawled back to the door and looked out at her swing very pitifully.

Darshani

 

[girlndocs]

One thing I like to do with dd (since she's preverbal) is when she's frustrated, I narrate the actions & her feelings for her. "You fell and bumped your head! You didn't like that! It hurts and it scared you!"

I do it while I snuggle & sympathize.

I like the idea that as she becomes verbal, she'll have an already opened "toolbox" of labeling her feelings.

 

[KellyB]

Ahhh...I remember the 10 month old tantrums...
My ds is 15 months now. Interestingly, it's actually gotten better since then.
(Or maybe I've gotten better at dealing with it...lol...)
At 10 months, though....oh man...if only they had the words to scream "INJUSTICE!".
If your kid is a back arching, self destuctive type like mine was, then you really need to lay her down on the floor once it begins.
I'd sit there with him and say "I know you want the door open...I'm sorry....That's not really feasible right now"...or whatever....
Like girlndocs said, it doesn't hurt to teach them words at this time.
My son now yells "MAAAAAD!!!" when he's really...umm...mad.
To offer you a ray of hope, though, around one year the tantrums went from several minutes to a couple of seconds.
And now the frequency is down to once every few days instead of several times every day.
Is your dd learning to walk? Those developmental milestone times are especially tough...my ds was a happy camper for quite a while after he became a good walker...

 

[Calidris]

thanks Kristen, thats a good idea, giving her the words, I do that sort of, but in a too adult way ("poor thing, I know, the world sucks") which is more for me than her I guess. But I will try to do it more meaningfully.
Darshani - Fern is like that about her bath sometimes, I really want to get her a swing, I'm sure she'd love it, but we have nowhere to hang it right now.
Kellyb thats too cute - MAAAAD :LOL - Actually she is walking for a while now, she only started tantrums after she could walk (before that ALL her energy went into learning to walk - in the week after she learnt to walk she started waving, clapping and blowing kisses

) she has 2 types of tantrums, the moaning ones where she lies on her belly and whines/moans and licks the floor (I have no idea why, but its better than pounding fists or her head!) for those I have started just lying down next to her, and she jumps up squeals and tries to climb all over me. For the big bawling screaming tantrums I try to pick her up and use all the great suggestions I've gotten here.
But anyway, I feel like I am slandering my poor baby, she may throw some big tantrums, but inbetween (which is most of the time) she is the cutest, sweetest baby on the planet (apart from all of yours of course

)

 

[Calidris]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChasingPeace Fortunately, we haven't had an in-public meltdown yet, so I'll be lurking here to see what works for that!!

just wanted to offer a suggestion for that, what saved us from a really ugly scene that time was that I pulled out something I had bought elsewhere and gave her that to hold and she was thrilled and happily forgot the toy I had taken away from her. What I pulled out was another toy, but anything unfamiliar would have worked, anything in a box, some groceries whatever. Since then I try to make sure there is something in my bag (a pack of chips even) that is new and different and can distract her.

 

[xenomama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calidris I do that sort of, but in a too adult way ("poor thing, I know, the world sucks")

I"m guilty of this, too. *sigh*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calidris she has 2 types of tantrums, the moaning ones where she lies on her belly and whines/moans and licks the floor

OMG, that is too funny. I only laugh b/c I'm right there with you.

I'm so glad I found this post. DH and I had just resorted to looking at her and saying "oh the injustice!". Probably not the best way of handling it. :LOL Did y'all see that article a few months back in Mothering? New Beginnings? about letting them "cry it out" while you held them, sympathized, etc. It was a really good explanation of how sometimes babies/ kids just need to "get it out". It was a nice twist on the traditional way of handling it.