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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My son is 4 months, and we just set up a crib last weekend<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br>
My husband suggested that he'd rather it just be the two of us in the bed.<br>
I'm torn, on one hand I love sleeping with my son and knowing he's close and safe, and on the other it's nice for the hubby and I to beable enjoy eachother's company just the two of us.<br><br>
Our son doesn't dig going solo (and i'm not entirely sure i do either), and i've never made him stay in the crib when it was obvious that it wasn't where he wanted to be (he's lasted a whole 8 minutes so far). I want to be consistant with our routine and my expectations, so the sooner i figure this out the better!<br><br>
I'm thinking I may try to wait until he's in a deep sleep then move him to the crib so the hubby and I can be alone for a while near the begining of the night, but at the same time by the time i'm done with our son- the hubby's usually asleep! and that doesn't help our son learn to sleep on his own anyways- it's kind kind of cheating and he may grow to resent the crib and even worse, me. And I do plan on him being in it eventually (when though, i don't know yet)<br><br>
So I'm not sure what to do...I'm obviously leaning towards keeping him in the bed personally, but i feel that my husband's wishes deserve a chance too, and if that's the case any tips on getting a baby in a crib peacefully?<br><br>
I'm sure others have been in this situation.....any words of wisdom??
 

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yeah. it's not an all or nothing choice here. It doesn't have to be 'crib' or 'co-sleep'.<br><br>
Since #2, we start the baby out in the crib, and cosleep upon waking/first feeding, and keep baby with us from that point on.<br><br>
4months is a great place to start, usually by 5 they are so aware of their surroundings that it's very difficult to change the routine. Much longer and all but the coolest babies will pitch fits. But baby is aware enough to adjust and be able to expect where sleeping happens, kwim?<br><br>
so start by making a decision if you want 100% co sleeping, 100% cribsleeping, or a bit of both. as long as you are loving and consistent baby will adjust.<br><br>
how/where do you do naps?
 

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I would side car the crib, put baby to sleep ontop of a blanket with a silky side down. When he is in a deep sleep, slide the blanket over onto the crib. Tell dp that At the first awakening, baby comes back into bed so you can get some sleep, but until then, it can just be you two in the bed.<br>
Trisha
 

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I second the side car idea. I just did this with my four month old son, and while I admit that he still sleeps mostly in our bed, I have now tried to lie him down sleepy after nursing, and he seems to be getting the idea of bed time by himself. What has been the nicest thing about the side car is that he can now sleep comfortably on his stomach. We have a pillow top mattress, so I wasn't comfortable having him stomach-sleeping on it. Plus, my hubby and I can cuddle again withour fear of disturbing our son. Of course, I wouldn't miss cuddle time with my dear son either, so with the side car I feel like I have the best of both worlds (for now, at least...once he starts crawling, we'll have to figure something else out. )
 

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Why does your husband want the baby out of bed? Why does the BABY have to be the one in the family who sleeps alone? Personally I always hated sleeping alone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the suggestions, I really like the 'side car' idea (not so much a baby cage!), I'll definitely give that a try- it makes a good comprimise!<br><br>
And as for naps they happen whenever and wherever, usually in my arms after nursing, an i can sometimes put him down on the couch or bed. But if we can make this side car thing work, then i may try to get him down in the bed/crib for consistency's sake.<br><br>
And as for baby leaving the bed, My Husband worries that he's going to roll over on him (though I assure him I wouldn't let him) and I think in a way he misses my attention and us being able to fall asleep in eachothers arms. I know we're a family now, not just a couple anymore, but I think we can find a working balance.<br>
I think children should be comfortable sleeping on their own eventually(it wasn't until i met my husband that I didn't like sleeping alone). I've heard many great stories of 3 and 4 yr. old children deciding thay are ready to leave mom and dad's bed for their own bed in their own room, and that's great, but I personally don't want a toddler in bed with us on a consistent basis. When they can understand what's going on and what's expected of them, I think it's time they have their own space (and hopefully come that time it will be a pleasant and impowering exoerience). It's definitely not an easy decission to make and say that now's the time, but I figure my hubby's request deserves a chance, and if it doesn't work it doesn't work.<br><br>
Thanks so much!
 

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I agree that the baby should not be the one that has to sleep alone; but by the same token the well being of the husband-wife dynamic is critical to the success of the family.<br><br>
My DH loved our DD sleeping in the same bed with us. Until about a year ago, when she reached age 9 (yes, 9) and then logistically the three of us just don't fit on a ks bed. She is ten, and while she falls asleep on her own in her room, she still wants to move back into our room around midnight. My DH was totally over this whole scenerio by the time she was 7....by age 9 we both were losing sleep. I<br><br>
IF you aren't to thrilled about having toddlers in bed w/you, you and your husband are SO right to address the issue now while DS is only 4months. I think personally that this may be too young to move out of the fb, but what do I know? If you can transition over the next few months w/out having DS CIO, I would. Maybe you could tell your DH that yes, you miss the intimacy but you want your son to feel secure, to. Let him know that maybe he is right that earlier is better, as long as DS is at no time allowed to CIO.
 

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I agree that the baby should not be the one that has to sleep alone; but by the same token the well being of the husband-wife dynamic is critical to the success of the family.<br><br>
My DH loved our DD sleeping in the same bed with us. Until about a year ago, when she reached age 9 (yes, 9) and then logistically the three of us just don't fit on a ks bed. She is ten, and while she falls asleep on her own in her room, she still wants to move back into our room around midnight. My DH was totally over this whole scenerio by the time she was 7....by age 9 we both were losing sleep. I<br><br>
IF you aren't to thrilled about having toddlers in bed w/you, you and your husband are SO right to address the issue now while DS is only 4months. I think personally that this may be too young to move out of the fb, but what do I know? If you can transition over the next few months w/out having DS CIO, I would. Maybe you could tell your DH that yes, you miss the intimacy but you want your son to feel secure, to. Let him know that maybe he is right that earlier is better, as long as DS is at no time allowed to CIO.
 

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My DH wasn't real big on co-sleeping at first either and set up a crib but DS wanted nothing to do with it and the one night DH tried putting him in there both me and my son were balling our eyes out so he gave in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
If you really want to give it a try then I think side-carring it is the best idea. You can have baby fall asleep with you and then try moving him into his bed when asleep. When he wakes up you will still be right there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you all for the suggestions. Last night was our first night sidecarring and it worked really well, he fell asleep with us in bed, i scooched him over to his crib with no protests and he stayed there for a few hours before waking to feed, after which he just stayed in bed with us. I'm happy, Hubby's happy, and baby's happy (He actually woke up babbling instead of fussing for food).<br><br>
I'm not a supporter of letting them CIO either, it would break my heart, especially at so young when they're just doing their thing and trying to stay comfortable and don't know what's expected of them. When they get older and it becomes a manipulation tactict instead of talking about it, then it will be a different story.<br><br>
anywhoo, thankyou all!
 

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That side care idea is great! I am going through something similar. And I agree that the husband's feelings have to be considered, as he is the head of the family (don't throw too big of stones at me for that one) as well as a happy marriage/couple makes for a happy baby/child. My situation has completely turned around for us. My husband was 'ok' with the idea of our DD sleeping with us, and at her 6 mo. birthday, I decided to try nursing her to sleep and putting her in the crib at night (only tried this during the day before). She actually stayed there asleep for 4 hours, woke up slightly (no crying) and came to our bed to eat and slept there the rest of the night. I did not know what to do with myself. My DH works nights and he was so sad when he came home and she was in her crib... he said his heart just sank. Well this worked the next night, but only for 2.5 hrs and last night not at all. We're in no hurry, but I would like her in her crib by 1 year. At least half the night. Good luck with your sidecar thing.
 

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Why not get a bedrail and put the baby between you and the rail so that you and dh can be next to each other but still with the baby?<br><br>
Also, if you are waiting for the time when the child can understand why he/she needs to be out of your bed, realize that that won't be till 2 or 3 years old.
 

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We are tryning sidecar tonight....I'll post how it works for us tomorrow. I think that is the best solution.
 
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