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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you have a different name from your baby's father, which name will the baby take?<br><br>
I know the default for most people is the father's name unless the father is out of the picture, but I thought there might be some exceptions here.<br><br>
We're unsual in that two of our children have my name, and one has my husband's name. All were conceived and born while we were married. The first baby got Alex's last name, since that was important to him, and I got the next two (which worked out well because they ended up being twins). This next one will have Alex's last name again. All kids have the other parent's last name as a second middle name.<br><br>
* Jaime
 

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We were not married when DS was born, but I gave him DH's last name because I figured we would be eventually. We wound up getting married 7 months later.
 

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The baby will have DH's last name until his parents die. Then DH wants to take my last name...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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when we married - i just added his name to mine - double surname.<br><br>
he thinks that's too much for a little child, what if s/he marries someone else with two last names, etc etc, so they get his.<br><br>
this means that i get all first and middle naming privileges though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Ds's father and I split before I knew I was pregnant, and when I found out and told him he didn't really have anything to do with us. Ds's has my last name... now that I'm married this babe will have dh's last name. Ds is 7 and wants to have dh's last name too.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>venustx</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10753984"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ours will have my partner's last name, and I'm planning to change mine eventually so we share a last name.</div>
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Us to!!!....my Dp is changing her last name to mine on April 10th which we decided will also be our official anniversary celebration day.
 

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popping in from the june due date club. I hyphenated my last name when we got married and our dd has my hyphenated last name. Ds will also get the hyphen. When people ask me all the hypotheticals about marrying someone who is also hyphenated, etc. I just tell them it will their choice to do what they want with their last name, just like it was mine. I know plenty of people who, upon getting married, change their last name to be a combination of the two.<br><br>
My father in law will be destroyed that our son doesn't have his last name, but it isn't like we live in some clan culture anymore. My thoughts anyway.<br><br>
jacqueline
 

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I don't know exactly what we'll do. I kept my name when I married because it felt the most natural to me and I don't have any plans to change it, though maybe someday I'll change my mind.<br><br>
Both DH's and my last name are polysyllabic, so hyphenating becomes a bit cumbersome and, well, ugly. I don't have a problem with DH's name--it's actually a nicer sounding name than mine, but I guess I don't really know what to do. I'm a little reluctant to just do the "default"--I want to have a reason for doing whatever we do.<br><br>
I'm watching the thread for everyone else's reasons. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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DH and I grappled with this question throughout our pregnancy with our first. We both kept our names when we married, but they sounded horrid hyphenated, and we didn't want our child to have to suffer through last-name hell. Our solution was to create a blended lastname from each of our respective lastnames--the name DC received sounds like "London" with "Lon" and "don" (different spellings) taken from the endings of DH and my last names. My family thought it was great. DH's family--not so much. But they haven't held it against DC. And we've been happy with our decision.
 

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Interesting thread...<br>
I kept my name after we were married but we really struggled with what to do for our first child. We kinda settled on if the babe was female she'd get my name, if male, then he'd get dh's. Unfortunately we didn't really get to decide. Our health insurance made up our minds for us. Since we had family coverage under dh's work if we wanted the baby to be covered the child had to have my husband's name. Now we could have given the baby any name we wanted but we would have had to fill out additional paperwork before we'd see any coverage and if there was a problem with the baby we didn't want to have any delay/concerns with how we were gonna get the medical coverage we needed in an emergency.<br>
So my DD got my dh's name. It's no big deal but I feel kinda left out for some strange reason since I'm the only one with my last name. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/Sheepish.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Sheepish">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>treespeak</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10757312"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">DH and I grappled with this question throughout our pregnancy with our first. We both kept our names when we married, but they sounded horrid hyphenated, and we didn't want our child to have to suffer through last-name hell. Our solution was to create a blended lastname from each of our respective lastnames--the name DC received sounds like "London" with "Lon" and "don" (different spellings) taken from the endings of DH and my last names. My family thought it was great. DH's family--not so much. But they haven't held it against DC. And we've been happy with our decision.</div>
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We almost did that. That was our plan when we got married. I'd keep my last name, he'd keep his, and we'd name our kids a blended name. The blended name was to be our "family" name. We had silly pint glasses printed up with the name. We bought the domain with the name. We told our families our plans -- mine didn't like it, his hated it so much they tried to convince us it was <i>illegal</i> -- but we stuck with it. (My siblings thought it was pretty cool, though.)<br><br>
Then, two years later, at the 20 week ultrasound for my first we learned I was carrying a boy and DH went totally traditional on me! He wanted the boy to bear his name exactly (first, last, would maybe consider compromising on middle). Wow, did that end up surprising us both, and it created a bit of a struggle as we tried to figure out a new plan that would work for us. In addition to having to re-figure out last names, I wanted to name the baby after my father who had died two years ago. I'm still a little bitter that I had to wait until our next child to use my father's name, and then only as got to as a middle name. (But it worked out well since my mom died in the meantime, and I got to name each twin after one of my parents.) Anyway, DH did eventually concede to giving up the first name in favor of his name being Griff's middle name, and we compromised on the last name by deciding to alternate, with my name going to the second two since his would go to the first (which, as I mentioned above, also worked well with twins so they could share a last name).<br><br>
We have a family friend who gave the girls the mom's last name and the boys the dad's last name. We thought about that, but it didn't work for us for a couple of reasons. For one, we didn't want to split our family by gender. I also really wanted a girl initially, and thought it would suck to both not get a daughter and not get a child to carry my name. (I have since come to love my boys so much I'm almost afraid this baby will be a girl.)<br><br>
I agree that if I chose to give my children a hyphenated name I wouldn't worry about what they'd do when they got married or had children. The name thing is a challenge regardless, and I'm sure they'd figure it out. Both my husband and my last names are pretty long, though, and I think we thought it was simpler to just choose one of the names as the last name and give the other one as a second middle name. I figure if my kids want to pull both names out as last names (or even swap last names) they can pretty easily.<br><br>
* Jaime
 

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If it's a boy, he will get MY last name.<br><br>
If it's a girl, she will get DH's last name.<br><br>
My husband has a brother with a son, so his last name will be going on for at least another generation. However, I am the last of the Belias, so I wanted to increase the odds that my name will continue. We'll see.....<br><br>
I told my DH I wouldn't get pg until we figured out the last name business. He finally relented a couple of years ago.
 

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Vegan Cupcake -<br><br>
I'm right with you, not knowing quite yet what to do.<br><br>
I'm not married, and may not ever get married...but if I do, I'll certainly be keeping my name - I did in my last marriage.<br><br>
And there is no way I'll be okay with my children carrying only my partner's name - I am birthing this baby so I insist on having some name recognition for it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
So I guess I'll end up either with giving the baby a hyphenated last name (but egads, whose name should come first?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) ... or making up a new name that all of us - not just baby - will take. Or maybe there is another option I just haven't thought of yet...?
 

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This doesn't apply to me but I find this conversation interesting. DH's last name has always been hyphenated, and not through marriage. I took his already-hyphenated name, and now everyone thinks the first part of the name is my maiden name, but it's not. A <b>lot</b> of people just ignore the first part and call us by the second part, which is highly frustrating, because <i>that's not our damn name</i>!<br><br>
It just amazes me how much people infer from a last name, and how people manage to confuse themselves over it for no reason. I feel like it shouldn't be such a complicated topic, but it always will be because of other people!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>treespeak</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10757312"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">DH and I grappled with this question throughout our pregnancy with our first. We both kept our names when we married, but they sounded horrid hyphenated, and we didn't want our child to have to suffer through last-name hell. Our solution was to create a blended lastname from each of our respective lastnames--the name DC received sounds like "London" with "Lon" and "don" (different spellings) taken from the endings of DH and my last names. My family thought it was great. DH's family--not so much. But they haven't held it against DC. And we've been happy with our decision.</div>
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Us too! Our children have a blended last name...it begins with the first part of dh's last name and the end of my last name...which made a really nice last name. When the first was born we lived in Oregon and this was not an issue, except that I got a really nasty letter from my grandmother saying that everyone would think I had a bastard child. The second, which was born in Canada, was very complicated, because this is NOT ALLOWED. However, after a year and a half of it going to various government agencies, they allowed our second to have the last name SINCE HIS OLDER BROTHER ALREADY HAD IT. I don't think we would have gotten by with it otherwise. I'm imagining we'll have to go through the same thing with #3! However, I wouldn't do it any other way (after 10 years) and the kids love telling people how they got their last name!
 

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Our first dd has my last name as a second middle name and dh's for a last name. I figure they can hyphenate later if they want to our not. Our future dc will have the same. If we do get legally married or I change my name I will add dh's last name to mine.<br><br>
The year my dd was born I lost both my grandparents that shared my last name. It is very meaningful to me that my dd has their last name in her name. We lost two family members that year but also two babies were born that year to take their names. (My neice and dd).
 

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My LO has DP's last name, and I assume we'll be getting married sometime soon. I want to get rid of my last name ASAP -- it's the only tie I have left to my toxic parents.
 

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Not married and have a different nationality than my partner, so I am really not sure what to do.<br><br>
Normally if you are not married the kids get the mothers name, don't they?<br>
Could be different in different countries .. I think in Germany it's like that and in Thailand, too.<br><br>
I would be worried to give the child by boyfriends last name, if something goes wrong with the relationship and I want to leave his country with the child they might not let me if it hasn't got my last name, but a Thai last name. They might request consent from the father to leave the country with the child or something.<br><br>
If it had my last name, they might just assume I was on a holiday alone with the child and leaving back home now, but they might not suspect a Thai father is involved, depends how dark it's skin will be and how Thai the face would look, I guess.
 
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