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Well - our first meeting went OK - it was longer than we expected, and probalby not as productive and we would've like - BUT... I think there was some progress.

Before I get to what we agreed on, I have to say, there are a LOT of things complicating this divorce, and our situation ... from an lawsuit in which we have upcoming depostions and a medation - regarding a VERY LARGE truck that hit our house [and 4 others] November '03... STBX has been renting office space in a building where the owner, which whom he only had a verbal lease agreement, just died, the building has been sold, is in escrow, and he just received a 30-day eviction notice - which has to be dealt with ... compounded by the fact that in the middle of summer here, it's VERY difficult, if not impossible to find rental property [business or any other kind] at anything other than utterly astronomical prices. AND... money truly IS really tight. Basically - it all really $ucks!

*sigh*

So... here goes. While I was *really* hoping to get a move date set for at least July 1 ... We have pushed it back to Sept 1. There are some other things that go along with that - including - splitting the cost of a couple of repairs that need to be done to decrease the chaos in this house [repairs he was refusing to contribute to - even though in my mind, there are good reasons for him doing them ... nevertheless] ~ these include - fixing the plumbing in the 2nd bathroom - which he COULD be using, instead of the one ultra-tiny one that we are ALL sharing [attached to the master BR ...mine] ... carpeting installed in 3 rooms. [there are 2 rooms with NO carpeting - only sub-floor - due to a flooding accident - and other various reasons].

AND... we have restablished the need for STBXH to be spending every other weekend away from home more frequently during this interim period.

In summary - it was like, if I have to go 2.5 more months - we need to allow each other as much space as possible [reminder here that the house is only 1100 SF], and currently, there are 2 rooms completely out of use]. Too much bumping into each other!

ANYWAY... at the next meeting, the plan is to have done ALL the $$ money issues - expenses and income, assets etc - and try to work out a budget and dividing up some of the property.

I have to say - we just got a book called: Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life ... and I think it's a GREAT book. Ironically - we JUST got it yesterday - and when we went into our mediator's office - she had a stack of them there! She gives them out to all her clients - but we didnt' know, LOL

FWIW - I think there is *somewhat* of a climate change - I feel now that he has come to terms with it, in terms of accepting it - and have been able to be clear about setting boudaries about not talking - when I feel he's being dictating or bullying - and he is respecting that. Basically I just don't participate unless he's going to speak to me as an equal adult with a mutual problem that needs to be solved together. He knows he has to move - and has even indicated his own lack of desire to stay - so these things are GOOD - and are much better from a few months ago.

There is a section in the book that talks about how often the non-initiator needs time to "catch up" to the reality of the divorce - so I guess this has been his time and I think we're finally in sort of the same space - which is good. We have always been, and hope to be, good at being co-parents - so I expect that to continue ... I feel positive about that.

SO... I didn't exactly get everything I wanted - but I got *something* - and it is moving forward. 2 hrs and 45 minutes later, at $330/hr - you do the math. YIKES!!!

Anyway - I'm glad it's over for now. I am exhausted, only got 3 hrs of sleep - and can't nap b/c the munchkin is nowhere near napping!

Pat us on the back. Hey - we even managed to drive together to the appt in the same car - and have lunch together with my SIL [who was watching DS] afterwards.
 

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I'm so happy for you that you reached a move out date!! And that he is coming to terns with the divorce being REAL. That will def help out alot.
I'm glad he is being held responsible for some of the fixing of the house too!! It all sounds like it went well!! **HUGS**
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by yogini3
SO... I didn't exactly get everything I wanted - but I got *something* - and it is moving forward.
I think that's what mediation is all about.
I'm glad you're finally moving forward & getting some things resolved.
 
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