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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well - our first meeting went OK - it was longer than we expected, and probalby not as productive and we would've like - BUT... I think there was some progress.

Before I get to what we agreed on, I have to say, there are a LOT of things complicating this divorce, and our situation ... from an lawsuit in which we have upcoming depostions and a medation - regarding a VERY LARGE truck that hit our house [and 4 others] November '03... STBX has been renting office space in a building where the owner, which whom he only had a verbal lease agreement, just died, the building has been sold, is in escrow, and he just received a 30-day eviction notice - which has to be dealt with ... compounded by the fact that in the middle of summer here, it's VERY difficult, if not impossible to find rental property [business or any other kind] at anything other than utterly astronomical prices. AND... money truly IS really tight. Basically - it all really $ucks!


So... here goes. While I was *really* hoping to get a move date set for at least July 1 ... We have pushed it back to Sept 1. There are some other things that go along with that - including - splitting the cost of a couple of repairs that need to be done to decrease the chaos in this house [repairs he was refusing to contribute to - even though in my mind, there are good reasons for him doing them ... nevertheless] ~ these include - fixing the plumbing in the 2nd bathroom - which he COULD be using, instead of the one ultra-tiny one that we are ALL sharing [attached to the master BR ...mine] ... carpeting installed in 3 rooms. [there are 2 rooms with NO carpeting - only sub-floor - due to a flooding accident - and other various reasons].

AND... we have restablished the need for STBXH to be spending every other weekend away from home more frequently during this interim period.

In summary - it was like, if I have to go 2.5 more months - we need to allow each other as much space as possible [reminder here that the house is only 1100 SF], and currently, there are 2 rooms completely out of use]. Too much bumping into each other!

ANYWAY... at the next meeting, the plan is to have done ALL the $$ money issues - expenses and income, assets etc - and try to work out a budget and dividing up some of the property.

I have to say - we just got a book called: Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life ... and I think it's a GREAT book. Ironically - we JUST got it yesterday - and when we went into our mediator's office - she had a stack of them there! She gives them out to all her clients - but we didnt' know, LOL

FWIW - I think there is *somewhat* of a climate change - I feel now that he has come to terms with it, in terms of accepting it - and have been able to be clear about setting boudaries about not talking - when I feel he's being dictating or bullying - and he is respecting that. Basically I just don't participate unless he's going to speak to me as an equal adult with a mutual problem that needs to be solved together. He knows he has to move - and has even indicated his own lack of desire to stay - so these things are GOOD - and are much better from a few months ago.

There is a section in the book that talks about how often the non-initiator needs time to "catch up" to the reality of the divorce - so I guess this has been his time and I think we're finally in sort of the same space - which is good. We have always been, and hope to be, good at being co-parents - so I expect that to continue ... I feel positive about that.

SO... I didn't exactly get everything I wanted - but I got *something* - and it is moving forward. 2 hrs and 45 minutes later, at $330/hr - you do the math. YIKES!!!

Anyway - I'm glad it's over for now. I am exhausted, only got 3 hrs of sleep - and can't nap b/c the munchkin is nowhere near napping!

Pat us on the back. Hey - we even managed to drive together to the appt in the same car - and have lunch together with my SIL [who was watching DS] afterwards.
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