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I seem to be on a bad dream streak here lately. Granted - this first dream happened on Tuesday (my 2 week mark) after I begged and sobbed to God to please let me see/dream of my baby.
The other day I had a VERY vivid dream about my baby. I dreamed I was going into labor in a school yard and decided to squat to push (something I wanted to do in real life), and out came his head (which didn't hurt but felt more like the pressure and intensity of when I passed him), and I could tell right away something was wrong with him. His head wasn't shaped right - it was not anything scary just something a little - off.
I quickly pushed him out the rest of the way and could look him in the eye. He had dark eyes (weird as neither hubby nor I have dark eyes), and eyebrows. He was pink and perfect (even with the weird head). But he wasnt' breathing. I started panicing - and hollering at some doctors who were now on the otherside of the school yard to please make him breathe. I kept telling him, XAVIER - BREATHE!!! But he wouldn't. There was no clear reason for him not breathing. And the doctors said they wouldn't help because he was going to die anyway - but I told them I didn't care if he dies anyway - DO SOMETHING. They still refused so I tried puffing air into him and when I did I could actually SMELL the air from his lungs as they deflated. VERY vividly.
Then I woke up. I spoke to hubby about it and he is thinking maybe I feel there was something more the doctors could do and yet they wouldn't. Or that maybe it was God's way of telling me something was wrong with our baby and though the miscarriage was awful - maybe he was trying to tell me he was sparing me the pain of delivering and seeing something wrong and the baby not breathing.
The other dream I had was yesterday. I dreamed that I was trying to find him - I was looking through drawers and cabinets. Searching for him everywhere. My mother was telling me to just scrapbook the memories I do have of him and be done with it - she didn't understand my searching. But I just continued to search for the entire dream - looking for my baby.......
Anyone else have a bunch of dreams like this? I swear they were more vivid than my preggo dreams and its frustrating because I still feel very pregnant. I still love the smell of the wood processing plant and drive by it everyday, I still hate the smell of garlic, I still have INSANE heartburn. When are these things supposed to stop?
The other day I had a VERY vivid dream about my baby. I dreamed I was going into labor in a school yard and decided to squat to push (something I wanted to do in real life), and out came his head (which didn't hurt but felt more like the pressure and intensity of when I passed him), and I could tell right away something was wrong with him. His head wasn't shaped right - it was not anything scary just something a little - off.
I quickly pushed him out the rest of the way and could look him in the eye. He had dark eyes (weird as neither hubby nor I have dark eyes), and eyebrows. He was pink and perfect (even with the weird head). But he wasnt' breathing. I started panicing - and hollering at some doctors who were now on the otherside of the school yard to please make him breathe. I kept telling him, XAVIER - BREATHE!!! But he wouldn't. There was no clear reason for him not breathing. And the doctors said they wouldn't help because he was going to die anyway - but I told them I didn't care if he dies anyway - DO SOMETHING. They still refused so I tried puffing air into him and when I did I could actually SMELL the air from his lungs as they deflated. VERY vividly.
Then I woke up. I spoke to hubby about it and he is thinking maybe I feel there was something more the doctors could do and yet they wouldn't. Or that maybe it was God's way of telling me something was wrong with our baby and though the miscarriage was awful - maybe he was trying to tell me he was sparing me the pain of delivering and seeing something wrong and the baby not breathing.
The other dream I had was yesterday. I dreamed that I was trying to find him - I was looking through drawers and cabinets. Searching for him everywhere. My mother was telling me to just scrapbook the memories I do have of him and be done with it - she didn't understand my searching. But I just continued to search for the entire dream - looking for my baby.......
Anyone else have a bunch of dreams like this? I swear they were more vivid than my preggo dreams and its frustrating because I still feel very pregnant. I still love the smell of the wood processing plant and drive by it everyday, I still hate the smell of garlic, I still have INSANE heartburn. When are these things supposed to stop?
