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<p>x-posted in the PAL thread in my DDC:</p>
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<p>I've had a couple of bad dreams.  I don't think they "mean" anything (I am not really all that intuitive, and I do know people who are sort of psychic - I am *not* one of them), so I am not worried that they are predictive, but I am just really sad and disturbed when they happen.</p>
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<p>One of them was maybe last week.  It wasn't very detailed, but I was pregnant and bleeding a ton and soaking a pad and trying to get into a public restroom.  I was holding the pad on with my hand and blood was just dripping on the floor and all over my arm.  When I had my first loss, I was out walking and felt a sudden gush and went to a public restroom and there was blood all over my legs, so I imagine this is where the imagery came from.</p>
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<p>Last night, I was sleeping so badly because of heartburn and hunger and nausea (all rolled into one awful sensation) so my dreams and wakefulness were getting blended together.  At one point, I was asleep (and I know this only now because I am awake!) and I dreamed that a small red baby fell out of me.  Very small, less than an inch, but I picked him up and cleaned him up and he was a perfect little baby and I showed my husband and we were sad together (unlike with my losses, when I felt so alone) and we saw that he was a boy and I even held him in my arm (he must've grown, because in this part of the dream he was almost newborn size) and took pictures with him and then he was small again and I was telling my husband that I just wanted to hold him and not do anything else (burial, etc.).  And then, I *thought* I woke up and I turned to my husband and I was relieved because it meant I had only dreamt losing the little baby, but when I asked my husband if I had been dreaming and if I had told or shown him anything, he reminded me that the baby had fallen out and I was like, "oh, that's right" and I was so sad again.  And now I really AM awake and feeling sick as cuss, but disturbed by the dream nonetheless, of course.</p>
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<p>I've never had anything like the second dream happen to me.  My losses were very early and I only saw tissue with the first one (a bit of gray, nothing identifiable), so I wonder if the second represents a fear of never feeling "out of the woods," like, as time goes on, it doesn't make me feel more secure in the pregnancy, but rather more scared of an even more traumatic loss experience.</p>
 

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<p>Javilu, as my first ob appt is tomorrow, I have been having nightmares too. More of the recurring experience I had - but with different twists. I think it is just our mind's way of dealing with the trauma. We are still healing too.</p>
 

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<p>I think it is just one more way for the anxiety to manifest itself within us...truly it eats me alive at times and other times I feel like I have it under control. My friends just had a little baby girl today and I went to go hold her...it was SO hard to believe that I could be holding my own in June...just does not feel real yet!</p>
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<p>But I agree with Mamalove...we are still healing and in some regard suffering from post-traumatic stress from the miscarriages we have suffered. Our emotions and bodies are only reacting to that stress.</p>
 
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