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Why the Barbara Walters thing is so bad (as if you didn't know)...

So, we are Chritstians, and DH and I have had SUCH a hard time finding a church that fits us. Finally, after years of looking, we found one where everyone is 'like us'- all HSers, lots of HB- even freebirths, no birth control, etc. I was so happy I cried! That was a month ago.

So tonight, we are at the minister's home for the first time. We are eating with him, his wife (both about 50s) and their 23 year old daughter. I am picking up my baby off the floor (haven't nursed yet at all there, he's 8 months), and for some reason the wife says, "You know, I usually don't like Barbara Walters, but the other day she said something that I thought was so good..." Yep. Then it went on to covering up with "towels" and the poor people on the airplane...

I am so shy and understated, but I am still me, so... I told her actually it is God's plan for babies and moms, and there was a huge nurse-in in NYC and a lot of my *friends* (you guys
) were there. I did forget to tell her Barbara apologized or whatever. But I defended BFing really well, telling her how hard it was to use a "towel" as she kept saying. Then I left the room because I felt like I was going to vomit. I went and played with my DC in the living room with tears in my eyes.
DH jumped in and gave his polite, wonderful opinion as well. The minister (very polite, soft spoken) and his DD were quiet.

So, we left pretty soon after that, but not before she told me some great stories about locking the door during the sermons at her old church so the homeless people couldn't just walk in and sit down.


Seriously, is there not some sort of limit about how much crap you must take over BFing in your life? If anyone remembers me, I am the same one literially voted out of my extended family for nursing my 4 month old DD discretely, by their own admission, even while they eat at Hooter's and watch pornos.

SO, that was my evening. Anyone want to come over and make me some tea and cry with me?
It occured to me on the way home that MAYBE she brought is up on purpose, because they don't like me BFing.
Can I please just mention that the Bible talks about BFing like a zillion times, one of God's names even means "nursing," and they nursed til about five back then? I want a bumper-sticker that says 'JESUS WAS BREASTFED' really big, and then a little smaller 'until he was five.' So I can stick it over people's mouths.
 

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Hugs mama. I'm not a Christian but I would definately not be going back to that church. I would also write them a letter telling them why. I hope you find some support irl soon.
 

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wow...very judgemental thing to say...I wouldn't be going back to that church...and the comment about locking homeless people out! I don't think Jesus would turn them away like that...
:
 

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Your minister's wife is not an official representative of the church, she's just married to the minister. It is the opinion of the people in the congregation and the actual church staff that counts. It was very lovely of her to invite you to her house for a meal, too bad she can't control her mouth long enough not to hurt the guests' feelings. What else was she going to say to you, "Also, I don't like your shoes"?

I am really impressed by the way you stood up for yourself when it felt difficult to do so. I hope you are seeing the same development in me that I have seen in you since we have been on MDC together.
 

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oh my gosh. how frustrating! ((hugs)) i'm sorry you had to go through with that, especially after you thought that was *the* church for you. it saddens me how close-minded some people can be. maybe you can bring up the WWJD argument with them?
do they make jesus was bf stickers? i've thought about using that argument (with christians who think bfing is gross) many a time.
 

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I just wanted to jump in and say (as a minister and married to a minister) that unless you feel uncomfortable now you should go back. The church is the people who you seem to like. The minister will be gone sometime - you are lucky to have found a church with such cool people. If you feel uncomfortable though than you shouldn't obviously. I'm sorry that happened - people can be so insensitive...
 

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In past generations, nursing mothers were revered. In Catholic churches even today you will see images of a very famous nursing mother nursing a famous baby, LOL.

Nursing mothers were also shown in artwork in the past as a symbol of charity and generosity.

 

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Gosh, you are sweet
I really think you should get this bumper sticker you mention... Make it at www.bumperstatements.com !
That comment was reflective of really so common a feeling since it's one of the biggest obstacles we face in this backwards society. Thats why mentioning the Nurse-in was great. too bad she didnt care to further the discussion.
I agree with others that you should go back to church and commune with the other like-minded people. Hey.... Can anyone say a pew-full-of-uncovered-nursers?! :LOL

~L
 

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First of all, I want to say that you handled yourself well and I am a senstive person and would have cried, not just had tears in my eyes. I hate confrontation and I would have been upset.

If your pastor loves the Lord and you are growing under his leadership then I say stay. He married his wife many years ago when he was young and we all do foolish things when we are young. :LOL Seriously, he was called to be a pastor but that doesn't mean he made a wise decision in his wife choice. I've learned a hard lesson of late, that just because a pastor is right with God, doesn't mean his wife is. He can't divorce her because she is an idiot so he prays for her and loves her and gets embarrassed by her on occasion.

Having said that, if you feel strongly about it, and this coming from a person who doesn't like confrontation, you might ask her if you could meet with her for lunch or invite her over to your place. When you too are "alone", ask her if she had motives behind the whole Barbara WAlters thing. Ask her if she was trying to tell you that she wants you to nurse in church "covered up". She is probably clueless on how this has impacted you, and I think it only fair that you speak with her about it. Give her a chance to know how she has made you feel. Satan wants to divide a church and this situation could turn into a foothold for him. If you stay upset about this and let it fester and then other mommas get wind of it and get upset, things could get ugly. I'd meet with her about it and lay all your feelings out on the table. Tell her how it made you feel and ask her what her intent was.
 

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I'm surprised that she would say such a thing, since so many of the church members are "crunchy mamas." It was extremely rude.

You and your dh handled the situation so well. You bore witness to the gift that bf is for mothers and children, and I believe you planted a seed that will bear fruit in her daughter, if not in the pastor's wife herself.

If you otherwise feel comfortable with the church, I would say you should stick it out. Just try to make a connection with some of the other moms, and steer clear of this lady. Unless it's a tiny church, it shouldn't be too hard to just avoid her for a while. Depending on the denomination, pastors can come and go fairly quickly; it's the membership who will still be there as your baby grows up.
 

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HUGS. I'm sorry you experienced that. I've been very fortunate with my Catholic Church. At our baptism class, the nun actually told us "We want you to bring the baby to church. We want you to nurse the baby in church. He/she is just as part of the community as you are and you have an obligation to bring him."

Quote:
In Catholic churches even today you will see images of a very famous nursing mother nursing a famous baby, LOL.
there is a shrine to Our Lady of La Leche in St. Augustine. It is awesome.
 

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At first as I was reading your post I thought, oh I want to go to that church since I am the only "crunchy mom" at my church, but then I read the reast of the post. Gosh!
:
Here's a

Well maybe you and the other moms like you can sit next to her in church and nurse together! :LOL

Maybe next time you have a chance to talk you can bring it up again and say how you have been thinking about what she said and talk to her some more about how that made you feel and certainly other moms would feel if they had heard those comments. Also, I personally like the argument of baby eating with something on his head and how she would find it difficult and hot and annoying to eat like that or have to go and be alone to eat (ie going to bathroom or another room). And how most nursing moms are not trying to show off their breasts. You could also show her all the bible verses that mention breastfeeding.

Also, I would not let that comment about the homeless people slide at all. You can sort of "understand" the breastfeeding comment to some degree because of culture but the other one no way especially since she is to be a follower of Jesus. Maybe saying how I am so glad Jesus didn't limit who was to hear him preach! Or who he called to be his followers who which in that day was not "very good" people.

Kim Ann
 

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Quote:
So, we left pretty soon after that, but not before she told me some great stories about locking the door during the sermons at her old church so the homeless people couldn't just walk in and sit down.
That right there would have busted it for me. My beloved was homeless for almost a year, lived in the SA shelter for awhile, and one of the few things he found comfort in was the church. besides which, alot of people are searching for answers, hope, and fellowship as well as homes.... ugh. I'll stop there and just say again that I would not have been able to sit still through that alone, especially AFTER the bf comments..
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Faith
Why the Barbara Walters thing is so bad (as if you didn't know)...

So, we are Chritstians, and DH and I have had SUCH a hard time finding a church that fits us. Finally, after years of looking, we found one where everyone is 'like us'- all HSers, lots of HB- even freebirths, no birth control, etc. I was so happy I cried! That was a month ago.

So tonight, we are at the minister's home for the first time. We are eating with him, his wife (both about 50s) and their 23 year old daughter. I am picking up my baby off the floor (haven't nursed yet at all there, he's 8 months), and for some reason the wife says, "You know, I usually don't like Barbara Walters, but the other day she said something that I thought was so good..." Yep. Then it went on to covering up with "towels" and the poor people on the airplane...

I am so shy and understated, but I am still me, so... I told her actually it is God's plan for babies and moms, and there was a huge nurse-in in NYC and a lot of my *friends* (you guys
) were there. I did forget to tell her Barbara apologized or whatever. But I defended BFing really well, telling her how hard it was to use a "towel" as she kept saying. Then I left the room because I felt like I was going to vomit. I went and played with my DC in the living room with tears in my eyes.
DH jumped in and gave his polite, wonderful opinion as well. The minister (very polite, soft spoken) and his DD were quiet.

So, we left pretty soon after that, but not before she told me some great stories about locking the door during the sermons at her old church so the homeless people couldn't just walk in and sit down.


Seriously, is there not some sort of limit about how much crap you must take over BFing in your life? If anyone remembers me, I am the same one literially voted out of my extended family for nursing my 4 month old DD discretely, by their own admission, even while they eat at Hooter's and watch pornos.

SO, that was my evening. Anyone want to come over and make me some tea and cry with me?
It occured to me on the way home that MAYBE she brought is up on purpose, because they don't like me BFing.
Can I please just mention that the Bible talks about BFing like a zillion times, one of God's names even means "nursing," and they nursed til about five back then? I want a bumper-sticker that says 'JESUS WAS BREASTFED' really big, and then a little smaller 'until he was five.' So I can stick it over people's mouths.




and i'll take a few of those bumper stickers if you ever find them,
 
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