[Chiroalltheway]

Do you all do it? Do you have bedtimes for your kids? I'm not talking about strict ones, but I'm really wondering how to do it with ds3. If you do have bedtimes, do you remember when you started? (what age was your baby?)

DS3 is 4 months old, and he likes to take a morning nap around 9/10 and then another nap sometime in the afternoon. Problem is, depending on the time for that nap (and when he wakes up), it affects when he goes to bed. If he wakes up from that last "nap" at 3:30, then he's asleep on the boob by 7:30/8 and sometimes back up again in an hour...ready to play until 11/12. i'm just wondering if it would help to set a "schedule" for him, or if i really just need to let him do his "thing" until he falls into the "normal" bedtime by himself. i remember my first 2 having fairly early bedtimes and sleeping generally through the night, but i can't remember how old they were.

your stories and advice, please

TIA

Also, are there any of you who don't use any bedtimes at all? i'd love to know how that works!

 

[Mama Mko]

We don't do bedtimes. My kids go to sleep when they're tired. Usually that's between 11pm and 1am. Sometimes it's a little earlier. It's very rarely later. It works for us.

 

[Harmony08]

We don't have a set bed time. Like you said, OP, it depends on what his naps were like during the day. I have never understood how to say..."okay 7 is your bedtime" when it is 6 and the kid in your arms needs to go to sleep, or he is playing happily with Dada. We have always had a roll with it mentality and that is what works for us. It is draining to constantly be trying to figure it out... "is this how schedule now? oh wait, i guess this is his schedule? he can't be tired/awake/asleep/hungry now!". Just do what makes your family happy. I know whenever I feel like I need to change something it is because I think other people are judging me.

 

[vegemamato]

My eight-year-old nods off while playing/reading sometime between 8pm and 10:00pm (usually reminded once or twice), my four-year-old crashes after all sorts of random play/singing/art/dressup sometime between 11pm and 2am (on her own) and my fourteen-month-old nurses while twiddling/pinching/kissing/laughing/barking/wiggling until she's ready for sleep between 7pm and 10pm..

For us, we don't impose a bedtime unless the child *needs* to be awake at a certain time, which means that since my oldest decided to go to school this year she has to fall asleep at a normal hour (whereas the others can generally stay up and play- minus the nights before we take K to school..).

Ultimately, you should whatever you feel is right for your family!

 

[Amber Lion]

We have a pajamas time, not a strict bed time. If she's not totally cranky and practically falling asleep before 8 pm, I put her in pajamas and we get in bed to play, read books, sing, etc. until she falls asleep. It's usually not much longer after 8 that it happens, although occasionally she will stay up till 10 or 11. If she's ready for bed before 8 then fine, we go to bed then and she's never woken up wanting to play after she goes to bed for the night. This kind of evolved as a general time that she was likely to go to sleep and most nights she's out by 8:30 after a book and some songs, so I kind of feel like even though we have a "time" we're also going by her needs.

 

[Llyra]

We have a pretty set bedtime. We'll be flexible for special occasions, like a party or a friend over or the space shuttle taking off on C-Span, but for the most part my kids are put to bed at the same time every day. We also have set naptimes. We started these when each child was about 9 or 10 months old, because I noticed that 1. my kids sleep better when they develop the habit of sleeping at the same time every day, and 2. my relationship with DH suffers unless we have the guarantee or an hour or two before we have to go to sleep, to be together and talk. DH has to get up at 5 am, so MUST be asleep by 9 at the latest, so we have a very early bedtime for the kids: 7:00 in the dark months of the year, and 7:30 in the summer.

 

[puddle]

I don't really understand the idea of making a kid go to sleep when they aren't tired, personally. The only control I have over DD's bedtime is whether or not I wake her up early from her nap. She goes to sleep between 11:30pm and 2am most nights. If we had to get up early regularly then she would be tired earlier and go to bed earlier.

 

[bellydance2290]

We have more of a schedule but didn't really start it until my dd was about 8 months old. I get her up between 7-8 am, usually 7:30 and she naps about 2 hours later. Her afternoon nap depends when she woke up from her morning nap and is about 3 hours later. I always make sure she is up by 5pm though. Dinner is around 6-6:30 and bath time around 6:45 then bed after bath, books and nursing, usually by 7:30-7:45. It important for my dh and myself to have some time together in the evenings and it also happens to be around the time that my dd is tired. She was always tired around that time, even when she was smaller. I find that it also helps me to plan out what I can do during the day with her because I know generally when her naps will be. If she is tired earlier or isn't tired, we don't force her to sleep, but that rarely happens. I think you need to look at what your ds needs (he might need 3 naps right now and that evening sleep at 7:30/8 is really a nap for him) and also what works for your family.

 

[Llyra]

Quote:

Originally Posted by puddle I don't really understand the idea of making a kid go to sleep when they aren't tired, personally. The only control I have over DD's bedtime is whether or not I wake her up early from her nap. She goes to sleep between 11:30pm and 2am most nights. If we had to get up early regularly then she would be tired earlier and go to bed earlier.

That's the thing, though. We're all tied down to DD's school schedule, because I have to take the twins with me when I go pick her up. Plus, DS is constitutionally unable to sleep past 7 am, and also completely unable to maintain his cool if he doesn't sleep 12 hours a night, so if we ignore bedtime more than a day in a row, he goes apeshit. Plus, if everybody slept when they were tired, somebody would ALWAYS be sleeping, and I'd never get to leave the house.

When I just had DD1, we could be a lot more flexible, but I still noticed that she behaved better when she was going to sleep earlier. We picked the days when she was happiest, tracked when she slept on those days, and used that as our blueprint for a routine we could all live with.

I wouldn't attempt to devise a schedule for a baby only 4 months old, though. Their sleep patterns change so much between 4 and 6 or 7 months, that any "schedule" you implemented would have to be scrapped in a few weeks anyway.

 

[Chiroalltheway]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harmony08 We don't have a set bed time. Like you said, OP, it depends on what his naps were like during the day. I have never understood how to say..."okay 7 is your bedtime" when it is 6 and the kid in your arms needs to go to sleep, or he is playing happily with Dada. We have always had a roll with it mentality and that is what works for us. It is draining to constantly be trying to figure it out... "is this how schedule now? oh wait, i guess this is his schedule? he can't be tired/awake/asleep/hungry now!". Just do what makes your family happy. I know whenever I feel like I need to change something it is because I think other people are judging me.

Thanks so much for this. You hit the nail right on the head for me. You're right, it is draining to always be like well, now he's awake or now he's asleep when it's not "naptime"...what do i do????????? haha silly, really. I do think you're right...I feel like I'm "supposed" to have this nap schedule and bedTIME, and if that's not what we're doing, well, just add it to the "another reason why we're weird" list. i really did have peace about the first 2 being on their little routines of naptimes and going to bed at the same times, but with DS3, it just feels different. And maybe that's because HE'S different...imagine that!

I guess I'm not feeling peace about having him on a schedule, b/c that's not really what's best for HIM or me at this point in life and with his personality. He is the third child, he's probably going to be the more flexible, go with the flow one anyway.

Thanks, mamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're always so much nicer to talk to about these things than some other IRL people........."Just put him to bed at 8 and let him cry until he goes to sleep!!"

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