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<p>Things have been incredibly hectic since the last time I posted on here. I don't even remember exactly when it was that I did post, so I'm just going to go through the last year as quickly with limited details as I can.</p>
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<p>My son's father has never really been a part of his life. He spent the first few months pretending to be but went back to his old ways without any hesitation. This is his second child (I am very close friends with the other woman and her child) and so I had a feeling of what I was getting into before I did, unfortunately. That didn't stop me from keeping my son. Regardless, keeping in mind the circumstances, I'll try to explain what's going on currently.</p>
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<p>Ever since my DS turned 2 on Halloween 2009, we have been fighting for normalcy.</p>
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<p>As I wrote about a long time ago (and I'm truly sorry for not updating) DS got very sick in November of 2009 and they were contemplating the possibility of it being leukemia. After months of a "clean" diagnosis, we were cleared and discontinued our appointments with hematology/oncology. DS still had recurring respiratory infections to the point that we ended up in Children's Hospital PICU here in Oklahoma City. He was a very sick little boy, his tonsils and adenoids had all but completely closed both of his airways and he was intubated in a medically induced coma on January 26th, 2010.</p>
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<p>His respirations continued to get worse until February 4th, 2010, where they said his chance of survival through the night was 10%. I was, of course, devastated and called everyone I knew, including his father. (Although I had been in touch with him fairly regularly since we had been admitted.) I felt it was fair to include him on the process even without him having been a part of DS's life. If I had for some reason been in his shoes, I would never have been able to proceed if I knew that I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. So, for that, I was the better person. Plus in some way, I guess I needed to feel like someone else who had actually contributed in making DS was there to feel the loss like I was.</p>
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<p>Well, luckily enough, DS never did pass away. He's actually sitting right next to me now, playing on the computer. Not for lack of trying though. The past year has been a series of ups and downs (mostly downs) and we're lucky to be here. I have a whole new appreciation for him. Not to say that I didn't before but I feel like my perspective has forever been changed. </p>
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<p>DS has JMML, which is a very rare leukemia. He also has CMV, which is "rare" but not especially rare in kiddoes with leukemia. He takes tons of pills and liquids every day to keep him going. We've been very lucky that he is not like most kids with JMML, he responds to pretty much all treatments in ways that they generally don't respond.</p>
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<p>However, as soon as we were finally officially out of the hospital (in late August, after a month home) his father disappeared again. I don't want to say I'm surprised because I'm not. However, I feel that only the worst kinds of torture are reserved for him. After what we've been through and after how brave and strong my son is, it is absolutely infuriating to me that he can still be so obtuse about the existence of his son. </p>
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<p>I've decided after much contemplation that nothing is ever going to change him. He will never care about anyone but himself and he is most likely a sociopath. Because of this conclusion, I have decided that I am going to hire a lawyer to have him sign over his parental rights to my son. This is not intended to happen so that my DS can't meet his father but so that if anything should happen to me, my son will go to the people that actually care about his well-being. I fully intend on there being an open ended clause of some kind stating that should DS wish to contact his father that I will be more than willing to arrange a meeting. After all, it's not my place to form DS's opinion of his own father, that's up to him. I think his "father" will be more than willing to sign it, since that will entail no child support. </p>
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<p>I don't know. What does everyone else think?</p>
 

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<p>Welcome back! I too just recently joined the crew :)</p>
 
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