Mothering Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
165 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Trying to keep this short, so if you need clarification to give me more suggestions please do.

My son is 2 1/2 yr this month. Ever since he was a small baby he has had trouble with transition. Tantrum getting in carseat, tantrum getting diaper changed, tantrum when he can't do this. He the middle child of a 4 yr old, 11 mo. old and my 13 yr old step son, all boys. His tantrums have progressively gotten worse as he got older, around maybe 15-18 mo. of age he began spitting, kicking and biting in some tantrum sessions, not all the time, but alot of time. Mainly he spits and hits during tantrums. He also does not self soothe, the thing to me that's different in these tantrums is they can last a really long time. So what we have is frequent tantrums (almost everyday) and sometimes lasting up to 1/2 hr. A pacifier (of course his comfort object) helps in some instances.

He is also a very loving boy. He can be the most loving child 1 min and the hardest to handle the next.

He doesn't talk, he has a small vocabulary and the words he does try to say do not sound like what they are suppose to be at all. I got him tested at 18 mo. and he was fine then again 27 mo. He still tested as not needing speech because he can follow directions, is great in motor skills and problem solving. But since he had 0 progress they qualified him for speech. He had been going to a city based activity preschool type thing 3 days a week and began an early start program 2 days a week for 2 1/2 hr last month. He threw those tantrums a few times with the city teacher and even hit her once. But she left him alone and he got over it. He threw a few tantrums in his early start class also but she says that she hasn't had any tantrums with him lately. He no longer attends the city class because session ended. He also cries everytime I drop him off at either class, but stops within 5 min and by the time i get him back he is the happiest boy ever.

When he first began going to nursery at church he would throw tantrums in the beginning also and stop to have fun and eventually the tantrums ended.

A trigger for his tantrums at school has been transitioning to snack, ending snack earlier, or having diaper changed.

At home most of his "small" tantrums are usually toddler triggers which are not getting a toy he wants, having to share, fighting with siblings. He can usually calm down fine from those. But some "big" tantrums have been triggered by things like not having his white shirt and black pants to wear to church, this shirt and pants he wears every sunday to church but couldn't that day because they were dirty. Diaper changing.. he will freak out and want the dirty diaper on and try and get it out of the trash. Having his hair brushed. Not ready to get dressed, leave, leave toy behind etc. Can't get something out of the car (when he doesn't even really know what he wants, he just looks around the car until he finds something interesting)

I work with him as much as I can if it doesn't matter, like change a shirt that he doesn't want, don't brush his hair. But sometimes when we're facing a time limit or working around a family of 6 I can't do exactly as he wants. I try and give him space to throw his tantrums or put him in his room. When we're out is much harder, i've left places and even been kicked out of the library due to his tantrums before. The hardest is you never know if he'll freak out. He'll freak out about one thing one day, but the next he's fine with that.

The thing that made me sad is that only one other mother in the city based class whose child seems to throw the same type of tantrums is an autistic child.

Do you have any suggestions for me? Am I doing something wrong? I want to handle this and help him in the best way possible.

HOpe this wasn't too long! Thanks!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
406 Posts
With the transitions, do you already give him advanced notice before you're about to change activities? (In 5 mins, we're leaving...in 2 mins we're leaving, so get ready to say goodbye to the toy/people...in 1 min we're leaving...okay, time to go)

Does he do any sign language? Introducing a couple of signs might cut down on his frustration if his verbal language skills aren't that great yet. (And decreasing the frustration might help cut down on the tantrums.)

Talking about emotions when he's calm, playing emotion matching/labeling games can also help--gives him words to use, visual cues to look for so he can start to label/recognize his emotions and those of others...so eventually, he can switch to using words instead of spitting, kicking, and biting.

I think a lot of it is just the age...my DS had a hard time around that age too, although mostly he'd just scream, he'd also try to hit us. Now at 3.5yo, he almost never even tries to hit us when he's upset (but he still screams). He's going through a lot of developmental changes right now.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top