[oceanbaby]

For moms of 3 (or more) - how did your time at home change after you had the third. Was it even harder to keep the place clean or get dinner on the table? Or was it pretty impossible with 2, and so adding a third didn't really make much of a difference?

I go back and forth about the decision to have a third. My biggest concern is being pregnant again the toll it takes on my body, and my dh's biggest concern is me going crazy from being home with 3!

ETA: I didn't realize this had finally been posted!

I also wanted to know how things changed on a day to day basis once you had a third. Did you not run errands with the kids anymore? What were the main changes that occurred being a SAHM with 3 kids?

 

[CaliMommie]

The being at home with them doesn't seem that much harder to me, but DS2 & DD are very alid back. DS1 is very high energy, but I'm used to that LOL I don't yet take all 3 of them on errands, b/c the younger 2 are only 18 months apart & both need/want to be in the sling when we are out. I either take the oldest & youngest or we wait until a day when DH can go too.

 

[zjandosmom]

Adding #3 really seemed easier than #2! 1 and 2 play really well together, so they would love on the baby and then go back about their business. We are adding #4 early Jan and I am hoping it will be the same. Mine are 22m apart, 2 1/2yrs and the last two will be almost 3 yrs apart. I have to say I have enjoyed my 3rd so so much. You seem to be more relaxed and if things don't get done so what. At first dinner was very difficult, but that passes. I have to say that my dh helps out a lot. I am lucky!

 

[shelbean91]

Going from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3 for me. When adding my 3rd, my first was old enough to hold my 2nd's hand for a minute here or there while out and about. My 3rd was in the pouch everywhere we went.

At home, things are crazy enough that keeping clean didn't change much, it's pretty cluttered much of the time. I am a FT student also, so not a 'true' sahm, but home enough.

One thing that I'm finding more challenging is illnesses. With 2, the would overlap and be over it relatively quickly, now it seems that one kid gets sick with something, then gets over it, then the next gets it and gets over it, then the 3rd gets it. So, we had chickenpox for almost an entire month, we just had a 24 hr virus for about 4 days (it ran a little over 24 hrs for 2 of the kids).

 

[aolinsmama]

i love having 3, mine are really spaced though-my oldest is 12, then i have a 6 year old, then a almost 2 year old (end of June)
things i didn't really get till i had 3-everyone wanting me all at one time! (incl. dh!) not much time alone with myself, let a lone my dh.... the Laundry!
balancing my time with each child-none of them are mellow or laid back LOL (i guess this goes along with the everyone wanting me all at one time)
i also don't have family near, or many friends (most of their kids are older anyway) and not a lot of help-dh is gone a lot for work, he helps when he can though.
geez this all sounds so blah...but then there are the time s when we are all laughing, dancing, enjoying each others company, and i feel very blessed!

 

[shelbean91]

I also wanted to say that with 3, the good times are so much better, but the tough times are much more challenging. When we're all rolling around on the floor playing and laughing, I can't believe that we ever even considered having only 2 (ds2 was a surprise). When they're all crabby and fussy and I can't give them each the one on one attention they need, I just count the minutes until bedtime.

Overall, we have WAY more good moments than not!!

 

[mainstreetmama]

I found 3 much easier than 2. Having 2 nearly put me under. I was constantly trying to be the mom of an only child -- it felt like I was taking turns paying attention to them, which was virtually impossible.

Once 3 arrived, I just sort of threw up my hands and it felt like we began to function as a family.

Now there's 4. Spacing is an issue -- the 4th is 5 years after the 3rd. We'd put away our baby things, and it was hard to go back to that level of parenting, once we'd moved on.

 

[EllieB]

I am pretty newly into the whole 3 kid thing, my youngest is 12 wks. So keeping that in mind...

I can pretty much keep the place picked up as before, though not as clean but that's b/c my baby wants to be held all the time. I am still able to make dinner but instead of having the older two help me I put on a half hour video for them and put the baby in the sling. I am hoping as the baby gets older we can go back to having them help cook but it was just too much with the three of them and didn't feel very safe to me. I am trying to convince myself now to start going out with all 3 of them alone. I do take them all to the grocery store every week but I haven't tried many other places, mostly b/c my baby hates the car.

The biggest difficulty in being out is that my 2 yo is a bit energetic :LOL and having to hold the baby makes it more difficult to keep track of him. It is much easier when dh is there. And the idea of having to get all 3 of them ready and out the door is very overwhelming to me at this point so we have been staying home much more. Even so I find the days go by pretty quickly, I am always extremely busy and somebody *always* wants/needs something.

But the other day I was here with just the two youngest and it felt more difficult to me than having all 3. My "middle child" just followed me around all day, was more whiny and needy...it made me realize how much the two of them keep each other busy!

 

[oceanbaby]

Thanks so much for all the replies. I am just torturing myself about this decision. Like I mentioned in my OP, dh and I have different fears, and I share his concern about me staying sane at home with 3 during the day.

 

[mamaroni]

oceanbaby, of course you and your dh will make the best decision for your family.

just to chime in my experience. . . having 3 has been *really* difficult for me. I joke that the 3rd has "pushed me over the edge" but really it's true! I am working on it though, and I sure can't imagine not having her.

There are only 3.5 years b/w my oldest and youngest, though, so that adds to the challenge.

When I just had 2, I could expect a nap time break, and it wasn't so difficult to go out with them (for errands, for a walk, whatever) or get a sitter for an hour or two. I could keep the house reasonably picked up and didn't have much trouble doing dinner. the 3rd child just really changed all those dynamics and logistics. As she is almost 15 months old now, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[momof4peppers]

We started out with two (twins) and lived in a smallish house in the city. We walked everywhere, went to the park everyday, the house was clean, the garden was weeded, then we got pg with #3, and felt like we needed a bigger house, bigger yard, better school system, closer to family, yadda yadda yadda. So we moved to a huge house, huge yard, great school system, close to family, and my house is never clean, the garden is constantly in need of a good weeding, we lack the $$ to pay for a cleaning lady, so I feel like I'm constantly yelling at the kids to pick up, never reading to the baby, never making a proper meal because I can't bear the thought of packing all three of them up and driving to the grocery store, let alone make it through the store without the requisite junk marketed to the kids (which we could do when we went to the market every day). And now with the older two in different activities, the youngest (who needs schedule and routine) rarely naps, and I'm finding myself longing to go to an office and leave the kids in daycare just so I can catch a break.

I love our children, but am really struggling to be the happy-adjusted-AP momma I was before #3 came along. I feel badly for her. She has some potential learning disabilities, so I beat myself up for NOT doing more for her to stimulate her brain, but with one extremely independent almost 4 year old, I find myself relying on "baby buckets" much more for her while I keep on top of DS. So I personally have a lot more guilt. When people used to say how hard they thought having twins was, I used to come back with, I have two arms, two boobs, it's not that bad. Now I have two arms, two legs (for lap sitting) and no space for baby #3 to even find a boobie.

Running errands is harder because I used to be able to hold hands, but now I need one hand to carry the baby, so someone always gets "loose" and explores. Which I'm actually ok with, until he wanders too far for me to see. It's harder to go to the park, as the baby can really only be in the swings, and the other two want to run in different directions. I also spend much more of my time monitoring what's been left out (in terms of legos) as babyproofing this go around is impossible. I just have to pray that I do my best and God is looking out for DD#2.

So there's the unvarnished truth from a momma of 3 who had a bad day. :LOL

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Elizabeth
DS - 8/28/01
DD - 8/28/01
DD - 4/22/04
Furbaby - 3/8/99

 

[mamaroni]

Quote:

Originally Posted by momof4peppers When people used to say how hard they thought having twins was, I used to come back with, I have two arms, two boobs, it's not that bad. Now I have two arms, two legs (for lap sitting) and no space for baby #3 to even find a boobie.

Now that we have 3, Dh and I say we have to run a zone defense rather than a man on man :LOL

even though I don't have twins I can relate to everything elizabeth said almost word for word. sigh

 

[annethcz]

Having 3 has been a lot like having 2. I've always wanted a larger than average family, so it wasn't a hard decision to try for #3.

But I've found that the third child really just fits in with the other two. And in many ways, 3 is easier than 2. Especially when #3 was a baby... #1 & #2 could play together and entertain each other while I tended to the baby. MUCH easier than trying to entertain a toddler while taking care of a newborn.

As for the day to day stuff, it's mostly the same, with just one more kid thrown in. I will admit to running more errands by myself in the evening, but that has more to do with me wanting a little bit of quiet time to myself, and me relaxing my standards about leaving my kids. I still take all 3 kids with me when I need to run to Target or grocery shopping.

Honestly, I think the most difficult part of having 3 kids is the way my kids are spaced. This may sound strange, because I LOVE our child spacing (21 & 22 months between kids). Our kids get along so well and play together all the time. I wouldn't change it for the world. But having 3 kids in 3.5 years means that sometimes there will be a child whose needs will not be met. It can be hard to meet the intense needs of several small children at one time. As my kids get older and more self-sufficient, it gets easier. My oldest is now 5, and that kid can do just about anything. Although I certainly still have to kiss boo-boos and read bedtime stories, etc... I can also send him to the kitchen to make his own lunch. Heck, the 3 yo can make her own lunch too. For me, it's not the number of children that is hard, it's the AGE of the kids.

I also wanted to address your fears re: pregnancy sickness. I've also had issues with this. With #3, I finally managed to *gain* weight (12 lbs!!!) by the time she was born. But I still spent lots of time over the toilet and louging on the couch. I'll admit that it sucked. But again, I found ways to cope. #1 & #2 played together, entertained each other. I napped on DS's floor while he played with his matchbox cars. We stopped wasting money at the grocery store and just got takeout all the time because I couldn't stand to cook. Although I wasn't the mother that I wanted to be when I was pregnant with #3, my other 2 survived, and now have a sibling to grow up with. The tradeoff was definitely worth it.

 

[yogamama]

Let's keep this conversation going. I am still sitting on the fence about a third child and this year is sort of my self imposed "deadline" (although I would never say never). I LOVE having two kids, but I always imagined that I would have three. But three kind of scares me - more chaos, less time for myself, spreading the resources (my sanity) a bit thinner. I was one of 4 kids and I know 4 is too many for me, but 3 seems nice.

My kids are ages 2 and 5 1/2. I LOVE the spacing between them and if we have one more kid I think I would get pregnant this year...

Hmmm.
Kathleen

P.S. Mamaroni - your kids are beautiful!

 

[mamaroni]

Quote:

Originally Posted by yogamama P.S. Mamaroni - your kids are beautiful!

thank you! we sure like 'em

 

[WinterWillow]

I have two but i am wanting to have one more. The problem is DH is done. He does have valid worries though and at times i think i must be crazy for wanting another one! I'm wanting to wait at least a yr before i get pregnant because the youngest will be 3 by then and i really think that having them spaced farther apart might be easier for me to handle. Anyways not much help, but wanted you to know your not alone

 

[mcimom]

I have 3. Going from 2-3 was *much* easier than going from 1-2 for us as well.

Quote:

Was it even harder to keep the place clean or get dinner on the table? Or was it pretty impossible with 2, and so adding a third didn't really make much of a difference?

:LOL There's no "dinner on the table" where I live unless dh puts it there. Never has been when I had none, 1, 2 or 3. As for clean, it's no harder IMO with 1, 2 or 3. I will say I was a lot more anal retentive with one and thus, it was harder in that sense. As a mom of 3 and someone who is friends with moms of 3 or more, I'm so happy to have let that go. I mean, we're not pigs, I'm pretty picked up b/c of my personality and dh, but I don't stress about it. And at 6yo, 4yo and 2yo, the girls are able to help.

Quote:

I go back and forth about the decision to have a third. My biggest concern is being pregnant again the toll it takes on my body, and my dh's biggest concern is me going crazy from being home with 3!

...sigh...I wish this wasn't such a big deal. I'm not coming down on *you* - it's just that it drives me crazy that "we" claim to be NFL which means NATURAL and yet we treat our fertility like a disease to be avoided. We worry about looking like women with curves and cellulite and baby pooches. I'm not trying to trivialize what you're going through. Being pg takes it toll on me too, but I don't avoid or try regarding my fertility and it's so nice to have that freedom, ykwim? Again, not trying to say *my* way is the way, but it does make me sad that so much about our culture distances us from our fertility rather than visa versa. Again...not a comment on you, just in general.

As for going crazy - one can make you as crazy as say...18 for instance. I've seen moms of one so tightly wound, following their child around, driving themselves insane trying to keep everything under "control" and then there's other moms of 14 who have it together like you cannot imagine - all their kids in bed by 7pm (this is an actual family at my dd's school, not a fictional hypothetical). It really depends but with each kid I think I've gotten a little less crazy and a little more relaxed and I view that as a good thing.

Quote:

I also wanted to know how things changed on a day to day basis once you had a third. Did you not run errands with the kids anymore? What were the main changes that occurred being a SAHM with 3 kids?

Day to day, not much changed. In a lot of respects it was easier being pg and nursing b/c dd1 and dd2 had each other while I was busy with "baby" and now that baby is 2 1/2yo, they all play together and I can take all of them out and do, no problem on my own. I will say, that I did start doing errands more often with just 1 or 2 or even none of them when I had 3 but not b/c it was "hard" but b/c just like I became more relaxed and confident, so did dh and so I and he felt more comfortable having me run an errand and leaving 1-2-3 kids with him whereas with one, he just wasn't as with it.

 

[oceanbaby]

It's so great to hear about all the different experiences. I agree that a lot is/will be determined by spacing and personality. Our transition from 1 to 2 was relatively smooth (as far as the kids were concerned - my health was another story). Ds1 was just over 3yo, and a very reasonable kid. Absolutely no jealousy or acting out issues. And ds2 sleeps pretty well at night (compared to ds1 - I was a zombie for two years!), and is pretty easygoing in general. But who knows what I would get with #3!

And about the toll on my body - I'm not talking about stretch marks or saggy boobs. Yes, I admit that I think about getting back into shape and actually staying that way, wearing cute clothes again, etc. But I tend to have a really hard time post partum. Not only am I incredibly sore for a long time (cant' sit or move comfortable for weeks) and have a lot of bleeding that goes on and on and on, but I realized with my 2nd baby that I have hypothyroidism, and both times, at about 6-8 weeks postpartum, my body just crashed - massive excema breakouts, eye infections, random allergies, getting sick all the time, etc. It's been really difficult, and it makes me scared to think about going through it again.

 

[amanda2b2]

yeah going from 2 to 3 was definetly easier than from one to two. It is pretty much kinda hectic once you have more than one whetherit be 2 or5 you know what i mean

 

[mcimom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanbaby And about the toll on my body - I'm not talking about stretch marks or saggy boobs. Yes, I admit that I think about getting back into shape and actually staying that way, wearing cute clothes again, etc. But I tend to have a really hard time post partum. Not only am I incredibly sore for a long time (cant' sit or move comfortable for weeks) and have a lot of bleeding that goes on and on and on, but I realized with my 2nd baby that I have hypothyroidism, and both times, at about 6-8 weeks postpartum, my body just crashed - massive excema breakouts, eye infections, random allergies, getting sick all the time, etc. It's been really difficult, and it makes me scared to think about going through it again.

Are you on something for the hypothyroidism? I am and it helps. I've been very blessed, haven't had to deal with everything you're talking about, but having had toxemia bad enough to be induced with dd1 and then milder cases with dd2 and dd3, I know what you mean about toll

It's like labor pains, how easy I forget...