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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
That sorta sounds like a euphemism for "dead," but that isn't what I mean.<br><br>
I just so long to be at peace with my life.<br><br>
It isn't possible yet. Too much is in upheaval with the divorce not final, me still unemployed (had substitute job til last week), finances really uncertain and funds in short supply, my identity still metamorphasizing from sahm to ... something else ...<br><br>
Sometimes, here, we talk about goals and keeping our eyes on the prize.<br><br>
Here's what I want:<br><br>
1. A relatively low-stress job that is rewarding enough and pays enough ... not looking for fulfillment in my work, just enough to support me and my girls and not leave me exhausted and them in daycare too long.<br><br>
2. A streamlined, simplified homelife (smaller house, smaller yard or none) and enough money to pay someone to clean it and to be able to afford maintenance.<br><br>
3. Time with my kids; time enough to read with them, help with homework, do crafts and play games ... peaceful time.<br><br>
4. Healthy, happy and whole children who are sufficiently nutured and loved by both parents with the minimum grieving and missing of the "other" parent.<br><br>
5. Enough money to pay for basic extracurricular for my kids: piano, soccer, swim team, tutoring as needed.<br><br>
6. A good enough network of friends so I don't need to feel sad, lonely, let-down.<br><br>
7. An opportunity to exercise and take care of my mental, spiritual and physical health.<br><br>
8. The energy and emotional health to give back to the community.<br><br>
9. Peace, acceptance, contentment even ...<br><br>
So, can I get there?<br><br>
Anyone else want anything like this?<br><br>
Anyone else gone through divorce with kids and gotten there?<br><br>
M
 

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<waving hand><br><br>
Yes, I'm here!<br><br>
Tired and a little fatter, but yes, I'm here. After about two years of going like a bat out of hell, and a month or so of just having that lousy post-marathon kind of feeling.<br><br>
After two years of making a living doing breakneck freelance work I don't respect, I have a grantworthy book project with multiple presses expressing interest -- an upmarket science-history book. My collaborator -- he's just said yes to the project -- was involved in Nobel-winning research, he has a wealth of primary-source material & contacts, and he's a great name to have on the project. This book fills in a big hole, so even after it's done there are auxiliary books to do, and real prospects for royalties. If this goes, it'll make my name. Scary parts: I am not an historian or a science journalist. I have never written a book-length nonfiction ms for adults. (No, my posts here don't count.) My understanding of the science is...well, better than most journalists', but it won't be a walk. Still, I figure I can do it. I have about six months to get funding nailed down before I have to drop things to go make money again, and I think the odds are decent.<br><br>
At the same time, I've been given a conference panel to chair on a subject I've been frothing about for the last five years. I'm inviting some well-known people and so far they're saying yes, yes, yes. (I'll be giving the organizers heart attacks about this soon, but they'll live.) These are people I've also been meaning to meet for years. Out of the blue, I've been asked to pitch a story to <i>Nature</i> on another part of the conference.<br><br>
Best part of all this? I have no formal university affiliation except a nominal attachment to an undergrad program. The book...I just stumbled over the topic a few months ago, didn't really get going until a few weeks ago. Nobody is breathing down my neck but me, and let me tell you, that's some trick.<br><br>
Tomorrow I'm taking my daughter to a swank hotel with money I earned. Yes, I think it's swell too. (Actually it's a little sweller than I'd meant to be, but it was that or a moldy motel on a skeezy beach.) Next time I need to increase the money-to-work ratio.<br><br>
The girl seems to be happy and certainly talks talks talks a lot. She spends about 5-6 hours a day in daycare; today we were doing some last-minute trip shopping till around 2. She loves her daddy and sees him daily. If I were more of a playing mama we'd play more. I'm more a reading-aloud and sporty mama. She's signed up for "bird camp" and "science camp" (her choices) for after we come back. We're going to the zoo with another family when we get back from this trip. Last night we snuggled in bed and watched the thunderstorm till she fell asleep.<br><br>
Is it really peaceful? It's happy and energetic. Pieces are still flying off daily. We're battling parasites here -- lice, pinworms. Something's moldy downstairs. By the time we get back the bugs on the "interesting" flowering weed will have become a nuisance and whatever's attacking the apple tree will be all over half the yard. But I don't have that feeling of being dragged down the road hanging onto a rope anymore. And I'm hanging up now to go get on the treadmill and watch <i>Sex and the City</i>.<br><br>
It happens. Whoever you were before the marriage -- that person will come back and pick it up.<br><br>
m41
 

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yes you absolutely can get there. all you have to do is believe in yourself. have faith. and patience.<br><br>
took me two years to find peace finally and almost 4 years to find my calling - but once you find out who you really are - everything slowly falls into place.<br><br>
one thing i have learnt is everything has steps and a process to go thru. so dont try to rush. get into everything and explore your feeling and if you are truly able to let go of everything - you will find the peace.<br><br>
i have been able to let go so much that when he jabs me with his words instead of anger i feel sad for him. v. sad for him that he cannot get out of that mode.<br><br>
oh i had one more that was not on ur list. that my x be a good father to our daughter. and he is. he really tries to give his 100% and that is all i ask.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama41</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11564579"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It happens. Whoever you were before the marriage -- that person will come back and pick it up.<br><br>
m41</div>
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<br>
I wonder what happens to those of us that had babies and got married before we knew who we were? I mean, I feel like I am heading in the right direction, but there really wasn't a "me before". Does that make sense? I was barely 20, and was just working in a factory and partying. Of course that's not where I want to be now. LOL<br><br>
This is probably a whole other topic though, huh? LOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>meemee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11564684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">oh i had one more that was not on ur list. that my x be a good father to our daughter. and he is. he really tries to give his 100% and that is all i ask.</div>
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Oh, I agree -- that was my line about having both parents nuture etc. That assumes his being functional. So far, he does fine with parenting and playing with the kids. He is a really poor example of functioning, however.<br><br>
Thanks for your encouragement.<br><br>
M
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamamoo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11565087"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wonder what happens to those of us that had babies and got married before we knew who we were? I mean, I feel like I am heading in the right direction, but there really wasn't a "me before". Does that make sense? I was barely 20, and was just working in a factory and partying. Of course that's not where I want to be now. LOL<br><br>
This is probably a whole other topic though, huh? LOL</div>
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We figure it out. Really. It makes total sense - I was 17, 18, and 20 when I had my girls. I sometimes say that the basic pieces of my character followed me - I'm honest, loyal, stubborn, determined, fun, etc. The rest of it? I am a process of transformation. Always. I am not today exactly what I was yesterday, and I won't be the same tomorrow as I am today. But I keep on putting one foot in front of the other on the path that I have chosen as the best path for me to walk right now. When that changes, I will walk down another path. I will grow and change. But I am at peace with myself (for the most part, most days) because I know who *I* am. I'm honest, loyal, stubborn, determined, fun, etc.... And I was those things before him.
 

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Thanks Gradmama, it helps to know there is hope. LOL
 

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I went through a 3 year long divorce with one kid and a very messy break up with my other son's dad, so basically i've been there twice and I have what I believe to be a pretty good sense of inner peace. I have a job I'm content with, enough money to cover the needs and a few of the wants if I'm careful with it, good friends, great kids, and overall a fulfillinglife.<br>
what's the catch? it took me fifteen years to get there, lol!<br>
A big part of it is just the willingness to be patient and grow.<br>
your life is in a lot of upheaval right now, but when it settles down just think about how much more you will appreciate the calmness that you have. the rough times really do make you more grateful for the good times, at least it has for me.<br>
I think you'll get there, it just is going to take some time and patience, but you'll get there.
 
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