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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Because I'm in England I just got allocated a midwife (basically just the one who covers my area) as soon as my pregnancy was confirmed. After a couple of appointments I decided to UP. Instead of officially "firing" my midwife I just said I'd call her to make my next appointment and never called. That was at 15 weeks. I'm 38 weeks tomorrow and for the past week she has been trying to get hold of me (I've come home a couple of times to find notes posted through my door saying she called round while I was out). I thought I'd maybe just carry on ignoring her but now she has even managed to get hold of my mum who has given her my new phone number (grr!), she left a message on my answerphone today saying she will call round today and I should call her to tell her when I'll be in!!

So the way I see it, I have 3 options...
1.)Carry on ignoring her and hope she doesnt catch me.
2.)Call her back and tell her I dont want to see her before the birth (but not mention my UC plans) and basically have an "oops" birth
3.)Call her and tell her everything, UC etc.

Any suggestions? I'm a bit worried that if I tell her my UC plans she will say things that I dont want in my head so close to the birth, kwim? But then I was planning on calling her if there are any complications in the birth, although I guess any complication serious enough to make me seek help would mean hospital anyway.

Help, need advice!!

xx
 

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Is UC "legal" in the UK? If it is, I would do her the professional courtesy of telling her so that she doesn't continue to waste her time and energy.
 

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I think the right thing to do would be to call her. Or leave her a note/message. Or something. So she doesn't waste any more of her time trying to contact you.
 

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According to the lawyer on that show 'freebirthing' yes, UC is legal in the UK. But of course is treated as if it is not. Anyhow, I guess I would call her and say that I really don't want to talk to her.
 

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Please look at it from the MW's point of view- she probably has no inkling that you are planning UC. As a birth professional, it is her responsibility to help her patients maintain a healthy pregnancy. She's likely "stalking" you because she has not heard from you and is worried about your health and that of your baby. The courteous and responsible thing to do is to call her and tell her that you are planning a UC. You don't need to listen to her list the risks- I would just thank her for her time, and leave it at that.
 

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You could tell her you'd hired an independent midwife and if you have any problems during labour go to hospital.
I'm in the kind of the same position being in the UK but i've been playing the game and seeing the midwife but not very often. I think i will be honest about the UC after the birth but i would be hesitant to mention it before hand. Although UC is legal in the UK i think if you told the midwife she would have to tell her boss and then you might get several midwives / doctors / health visitors and maybe even social services wanting to inform you that you were mad and that without them your baby will die (because that is what they believe). But thats my suspicion of the health service, you may have a great midwife who understands its your body and your choice.
But i would let her know you don't need her, otherwise she will just pop round. If it makes you feel any better i'm being stalked by a health visitor!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Called her back and let her know my plans. I had intended to just say "no prenatal care thanks" but then she started saying about having a "homebirth assessment" and her coming over to discuss the birth plans so I just told her that unless my birth became complicated I would not be wanting any midwives there.

She started saying its illegal but I informed her that I have done a lot of research and know its legal. She said she is going to talk to her supervisor and call me on Tuesday. I guess I'm going to be spending this weekend practicing my best "thanks but no thanks" speech!!

As for this "homebirth assessment" thing that she mentioned (I didnt even get told about this with 2 yr old DS), can I just say no? I dont want to antagonise her into doing something like calling social services!

xx
 

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Homebirth assessments are pointless, it is literally just a check at which room you are going to give birth in, whether its tidy, do you have pets etc........ Just say no thankyou.

However, I suspect you might just find yourself in a battle so definitely prepare yourself.
 

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The homebirth assesment is like a risk assesment for the midwife, i would assume as you are not having a midwife then there is no point in the assesment. I guess they would use the appointment to try and talk you out of it. Good Luck!
 

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i don't live in the UK, and you make me glad for it. what a nuisance... you don't need this mental anguish right now.


hang in there, mama. you're in my thoughts.
 

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i think uc is legal but you arent allowed to have anyone act as a midwife for you so partner would have to be hands off... no catching by anyone but you.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by emamum View Post
i think uc is legal but you arent allowed to have anyone act as a midwife for you so partner would have to be hands off... no catching by anyone but you.
again, on the 'freebirthing' documentary show the attorney said that the law was not written to prosecute family or friends, and that anyone who says UC is illegal is misinformed or lying. In that show, one of the women had her partner catch and hasn't had any legal problems... at least by the time the show came out.
 

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I would have told her I'd hired an independent midwife. But too late now
I hope they dont cause any trouble, and you have a wonderful birth!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I've been doing a lot of research on my right to refuse treatment and it all looks very encouraging. Just a bit worried that they could do something like calling social services. Anyone know how likely that is? Or if they would even have the right to get them involved purely because I'm UCing?

xx
 

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I know of a family where SS got involved after they had a UP/UC. But SS were very supportive and just wanted to check all was ok.
I'm sure its just stress you could do without.
Veronika Robinsons book on freebirthing states that the legal requirement is to notify the authorities of the birth within 36 hours, but thats it.
 

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I think it's hilarious that she is going to ask her supervisor if it's ok for you t have an unassisted birth LOL how silly. I didn't know you would need your midwife's supervisor's approval to have a baby at home! ha

anyhow yeah. sorry, that's no fun. I don't think there is an easy out for this one. just roll with the punches and say "no thanks" til you're blu in the face. ok go on vacation to some other place til you have the baby so you can have some peace and quiet!
 

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when you talk to her next, be sure to tell her that, should anything seem 'off,' that you're going to go to the hospital immediately. also, as soon as the baby is born, you'll make a well-baby appt with your ped (or her or whomever that would be).

we told our family doctor about 2-3 weeks before the baby was born about UC. these two statements really put his mind at ease. they were also true, so that helped as well. he asked a lot of good questions, and we've had a great relationship since.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MissMaegie'sMama View Post
Please look at it from the MW's point of view- she probably has no inkling that you are planning UC. As a birth professional, it is her responsibility to help her patients maintain a healthy pregnancy. She's likely "stalking" you because she has not heard from you and is worried about your health and that of your baby. The courteous and responsible thing to do is to call her and tell her that you are planning a UC. You don't need to listen to her list the risks- I would just thank her for her time, and leave it at that.
I'd buy this if she had waited 7 months to get back into contact with the OP!

Good luck, I hope this all goes well for you.
 

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Another UK mum.

I would have the homebirth assessment and get your notes filled in. This means that if anything AT ALL untoward goes on, you call the delivery hotline and ask for a midwife at home or tell them that you are worried and that you're going in. Most delivery suites will hold you up if you just turn up in hard labour and haven't rung ahead, and I imagine it's going to be even worse if there's no records available. Further, the homebirth assessment is going to be a major protection against any backlash should social services get involved.
Further, the midwives are the ones who do the well baby checks the day after birth. GPs can do it- and did my older two- but generally, they don't.

FTR, the laws were written to force the village wise-women/ old biddies/ women who did to get certified as midwives, and to promote the registration of those who trained in nursing schools. Generally, they're most interesting as history- but they have been successfully used once to prosecute a husband who told the midwife that he was planning on delivering his wife's baby. There are risks. They're slight, but it happens.

Green Parent had an article on UC last month-it could be worth finding it and contacting the author for advice, because I know she was upfront with her midwives. I think she was asked to sign a disclaimer saying she wasn't entitled to further midwifery services, or something like that, though. I think it was Cher Sievey?
I feel for your midwife- when I was pregnant with Skye, Alex's best friend at school had a mum who was pregnant, due a couple of weeks before me, had the same midwife, was planning a homebirth- and it became fairly obvious that she was dodging antenatal appointments. It freaked us all out because she was still smoking, still drinking, had sod all family support, looked to be measuring way ahead for dates- baby was born early one morning before the midwife could get there in the end. There was a point where my midwife was gently asking if I'd seen her, though
It wasn't a nice situation for anyone- and the kids weren't taken into care, but social services were apparently very concerned. They were already involved with the family, though. You may want to read up on the latest Children's Act to see how that might affect UC.
So yep- that's my thoughts. Don't let them do anything to cut off your options for transfer or a midwife if you need it- I have a feeling that MK is a fairly un-homebirth friendly area anyhow.
Oh, and FTR, I've always booked antenatal care. With Skye, we were considering a UC and the day that my prodromal labour went into full gear, I knew I needed entonox and I needed an extra pair of hands. She presented hand-first, needed manoeuvring out, and my midwife was LOVELY. (the one mentioned upthread.) With River, I didn't need anyone. We called when I was in transition because we didn't want to deal with backlash, and frankly, I probably shouldn't have bothered. Sometimes, the unexpected happens and your intuition kicks into gear.
 

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