[CharliesMom2]

Hi everyone... I have a 1.5 yo who was not breastfed because it was too hard on me and I didn't have the support I needed. I had to go back to work after 6 weeks and that was killing me (I only work 2 days now, thank goodness) and the stress of having difficulty breastfeeding almost threw me over the edge so I decided my mental stability would be better than continuing to bf. I know I was not educated enough at the time which is not an excuse but really I didn't know it would be so difficult. I am looking to get pregnant again and I feel intimidated by bf and feel like an imperfect mother to my son since I bottle fed him. How do I prepare myself beforehand for the next baby... and how do I lose the guilt of not bf my son. Will he hold this against me if I bf his sibling and not him? Thanks so much. I have been holding this in for so long.

 

[treehugginmama]

My best advice would be to read, read, read, prepare yourself for any obstacle that may come your way. See if there is a LLL in your area. Also search around for a Lactation Consultant incase one is needed.

You have made your first step though by finding support here.

I did not nurse my first son, he is 9 now. He knows he was not breastfed. He's sad but he knows why he wasn't and he's ok with that. He also knows that breastfeeding is very important and will "make his wife know that it is best" (his words)

Good Luck Mama and we are all here for you when you need support

 

[Baby Hopes]

I agree that finding a steady support system is key. Even for veteran breastfeeding moms. It's nice having a group of like minded Mommies to turn to when the going gets tough.

 

[alegna]

The one key thing that made my breastfeeding relationship survive was deciding that it was NOT a choice. I went into it with no other option. I didn't buy a pump (since you will eventually need it, maybe just don't get it at first) There was no formula in the house. There were no bottles in the house. There were no pacifiers in the house. It was me. That was it. We had a rough start with a strange latch, little mouth and very strong suck. Resulted in some very unhappy nipples for a few weeks. But I stuck it out. My dd is 10 months now and has never had any nipple but mine in her mouth

Good luck! You can do it!

-Angela

 

[CharliesMom2]

Thanks ladies... I will do some reading. I just wish I would have been informed before. Thanks for the support & I look forward to being a member of this great website...

 

[Gidget]

you would be surprised how many mothers here did not bf thier first, or even subsequent children who are now. Or how many weaned early. My first was weaned at 3 months due to difficulties I was not properly educated about at the time. I cant tell you about the guilt thing, it is so different for everyone. I still felt guilt for a long time over my 10 year old. Still do here and there. I even felt guilty that my daughter was bf'ed "only" 15 months. My goal had been at least 18 months with all my kids. I finally met that goal with my last one. Just remember that sometimes too much guilt can actually have a negative impact on your relationship with your child, and that will only cause damage you don't want. I have seen mothers whose guilt turned into anger at advocates for bf and it made them so defensive, they refused to bf other children claiming formula is just as good.

 

[tayndrewsmama]

I think you have already gotten quite a bit of excellent advice from these mamas!!! I would just like to add that if you decide to find a LLL group, I would suggest attending meetings well before you give birth. That way you're likely to be armed with a good amount of knowledge. Check out more than one group, if possible. Each group has it's own dynamics and you might click with some groups better than others.

Good luck!!!

 

[lauraess]

Wanted to commend you, Charliesmom2, for seeking out the support needed!
wayy back when we may have learned bfing by watching out moms, sister, aunts, friends nurse and they would also be there to help us. WE truly need women in our lives when we become moms, if not before! One thing you might do is attend your local Le leche league group or other nursing moms group. this would help you feel more comfortable with the image and allow yourself to believe that one day you could be that image. You must beleive in your power as a healthy competent woman to do this. our society takes a lot of our natural instincts and puts a big damper on them, so it is up to us to get in-touch with those intuitions and instincts again. I would agree that reading is essential also.
Wanted you to know that bfing was the first thing I ever really really with all my heart succeeded at doing with the determination I had never known was in me! YOU CAN DO IT TOO

As far as your son goes, I would not worry that he wonders or would be feeling slighted when you nurse your new baby. And if perchance he inquires you may say with all honesty and humanness that it just didnt work out very well when he was young.
You did the best you could and it is very understandable. Many many many successful bfers have wanted to quit, have gone through rough times, and really do understand when it doesnt work. Sometimes we get annoyed that so many moms never try or not for long, and we especially get mad that our society as a whole doesnt support bfing , but we always understand just how hard it can be. It does no good to feel guilty anymore. put your energy in something positive!

~L

 

[CharliesMom2]

Thank you so much for the positive comments and advice. I truly think they will help me unlock the door I need to keep a good attitude and stay strong for my son and my next child. I look forward to learning more from this website. I agree our society takes over and it is up to us to be educated, stay open minded and understand nature's way. It's too bad money and negativity seems to have taken over much of our western society - rest assured it hasn't taken me over and I can see through all of the manipulation and brainwashing. Anyway, enough social commentary, my point is it is nice to have these resources now so people who want to learn can do just that and also get support.

Amy