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In addition to the BF issues, i am also facing a breaking point in my marriage. dh and i were both looking forward to a natural birth but as things turned out despite best efforts, needed to have a c-sec. Things have gone rapidly downward from then on. He hasn't said it outright but i know dh thinks of it as my failure. And now with BF issues, conditions got to the point where we had to give baby an oz of formula. During an arguement he said my body can't produce enough milk for baby and that it's one problem after another with me. How can i continue a marriage with someone who clearly thinks it's my fault why things are the way they are and harbors resentment as a result? Has anyone faced a situation like this with a pro-natural lifestyle dh/partner?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Well, first I think you need to try and talk to him - the first few weeks with a newborn are an incredibly stressful, intense and emotional time. This affects dads as well as moms. I know my partner certainly did not foresee that establishing nursing would be far more difficult than pregnancy or childbirth or sleepless nights. I was ragged and felt like a failure and frequently took my frustration out on him; luckily he overlooked that and supported me. Your partner may be feeling a lot of frustration at having no power to control any of these situations (the birth and now the nursing) - and so you are the easy one to blame. I think you need to express your feelings and make it clear that you have no control either and that you both need to stick together and support each other to make it through. Mostly, though, I would say don't make any major decisions about your relationship during this most difficult time - especially without trying to explain your needs to your partner and trying to find out where his feelings are coming from.<br><br>
Good luck and hang in there.
 

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Oh my goodness, mama, I'm so sorry. The pressure of learning to parent a newborn is hard enough without somebody telling you you're not doing it well. I'd tell him so in a really calm moment-- just that you need his support and that his criticism is really painful and inappropriate right now.<br><br>
Babies are HARD on marriages. I don't think people talk about that enough. My husband and I had a real disconnect for a long time after our first child was born. It's better now, MUCH better, but it was difficult and I felt really marooned. If you're feeling that way, too, I just want to tell you you're not alone. This hard hard hard part with your baby will get easier. It takes some time, but it will happen.<br><br>
Hang in there, mama. There's no "fault" here. You sound like you're working really hard. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Not my story, but a friend of mine.<br>
After having her dc, she had a lot of breastfeeding difficulties and at one point her dp said 'c'mon, women have been doing this for hundreds of years. I don't know why you're having so many problems. you're not very good at this.' Well, I was so glad to hear that what she said back to him which was 'no, you're wrong. I am really good at this! so many women wouldn't have even tried to breastfeed. so many would have given up at all the difficulties we've had, but I haven't because I want to do whatever I can for our dc'.<br>
And luckily, her dp got it. (couldn't freakin' believe he said that to her though!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><br><br>
So mama, you are doing everything you can - you are doing such a great job and being such a great mother and I am really sorry your dh isn't seeing that yet.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry your dh is being so rude. I have not had any experience with a pro natural dh but rather the opposite. My dh has pushed my to give up on bfing. So I guess you can say I have experience with an unsupportive dh. It is hard on the marriage when you need their support the most and they are adding stress instead!<br><br>
My ds1 was born by a c-sec and I had tons of trouble bfing him. I actually gave up because my dh was not supportive when I went back to work.<br>
Things went much easier with ds2. He was a vbac and bfing went a lot better. He has nursed like a champ from day one but we have had some difficulties due to food allergies.<br>
I have always regretted not bfing ds1 longer, so this time I was determined to do better for ds2. My dh has not been very supportive this time either. BUt this time I am learning just to tell him to back off. I know what is best for our ds<br><br>
Your dh just needs to realize that bfing is not easy and you are giving your dc a wonderful start in life and things will go a lot easier for you with his support rather than his critisim. Hang in there it does get easier once you get a good groove going with your dc.
 

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Wow...<br><br>
No offense, but my reply would have been..<br><br>
"And women have been dying in childbirth for hundreds of years, and babies dying, so would you rather have me dead?"
 

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It is quite common for women who have cesareans to then have breastfeeding and supply issues. I have seen it happen many times with clients. How dare he blame you for the cesarean. As far as the supply, you don't say what you have done, but there are sooooo many things that could help. I am helping a client now who successfully nursed two children for over a year. Third baby all of a sudden she isn't producing milk???? We started with a better pump to help provide more stim while baby was still learning to latch better, tinctures for milk production which helped but not enough and now we are going for domperidone ( a drug that does well for this issue). I would say you might want to post to the breastfeeding board to get some help with the supply issue and tell your dh that the number one reason people fail at breastfeeding is a negative and unsupportive partner!<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div style="font-style:italic;">In addition to the BF issues, i am also facing a breaking point in my marriage. dh and i were both looking forward to a natural birth but as things turned out despite best efforts, needed to have a c-sec. Things have gone rapidly downward from then on. He hasn't said it outright but i know dh thinks of it as my failure. And now with BF issues, conditions got to the point where we had to give baby an oz of formula. During an arguement he said my body can't produce enough milk for baby and that it's one problem after another with me. How can i continue a marriage with someone who clearly thinks it's my fault why things are the way they are and harbors resentment as a result? Has anyone faced a situation like this with a pro-natural lifestyle dh/partner?</div>
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You know, I would really want to ask you, are you sure that he's the only one feeling like these things are your fault?<br><br>
If your husband said something like that, and you didn't have any belief in the possibility of its truth, you would simply dismiss it as him being nutty and stressed.<br><br>
So, perhaps if you can work on coming to that place where you KNOW like you KNOW that any such accusations are completely unjust... you might find it a lot easier to simply look at him and say, "That's a silly thing to say, did you think about it before you said it? You do realize that insinuating these things are my fault is not logical, right?"<br><br>
But until you know this for YOURSELF, standing up to him about is difficult, because it's not coming from a place of honesty.
 
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