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OK ill try to shorten this as much aspossible.. Of course DH and I parent like most of you.. we dont beleive in crying it out etc. Well i come from a family of ANTI breastfeeders and i say that cause nobody even attempted to try. Kai is 7.5 months and we feed him stuffif he goes for it .. However DH and I dont do dairy adnd family thinks he NEEDS milk, cheese etc. They wouldbe the type to sneak and give it to him. Well the newest thing is they think we have him in a bubble..I dont need to justify myself however Ill say we do playgroups,yoga, LLL meeting.Alot I beleive for a lil one LOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> ... BUt i think thye beleive hes ina bubble cause:<br>
1we treat him homeopathecs<br>
#2 beliefs of fevers are good not bad<br>
#3 dont need to rush to the DR if you got a lil cold<br>
#4 at 7.5 months there NO Need and NO excuse hwy he should watch TV<br>
#5 if we dont wish for a certain extravagant toy that means WE dont want it( they think its hurting our son by not lettting him have say ELMO , A Big electronic toy ( ill be honest he has plastics ) but we rather have fewer quality then quantity.<br>
#6 We breastfeed thereis no comparing to bottlefeeding<br>
#7 cosleeping ( hell never learn on his own)<br>
#8 always hold him or play on the floor right next to him very rarely hes byhimself on the floor( htey think he needs independence)<br><br>
So as you can see im going through what most of us probablyhave gone through at one point or another .the thing is how do i handle this..they think IM NUTS, IVE CHANGED and IM SMOOTHERING AND KEEPING HIM IN A BUBBLE<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> i almost wanna write a letter to my parents and sisters family even though they are 20 minutes away...... I just odnt know what to write.. I guess im just venting right now but i just dont know what to do anymore. i dont wanna avoid them as they are my family but as Kai gets older things are more noticably different in how we choose to raise him..... PLease give me somekind of advice or some way i can write a letter etc.... Oh and hte part abotu the types of toys wish for him to have they are the type that will buy just the opposite. HA I cant wait for Kais bday ( posted under life with babe) onhow we are going about hsi party.. they are really gonna think im crazy and probably make comments IM soooooo :MAD but also :SAD
 

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I think everyone deals with this, even the most mainstream parents. Grandparents think they know best and want to tell you what to do. I try to look on the positive side of it: my mother, MIL and grandmother are remembering every minute of their children's childhoods in a rosy, nostalgic light.<br><br>
I mostly have not been too effective in dealing with this with my mother. She is relentless. No matter how similarly we do things she can't butt out and just trust that we are doing it right. My mom bf'ed me and used cloth diapers and was pretty progressive, but she still thinks I'm bf-ing too long, etc. etc.<br><br>
A few times I have asked her whether she wants me to raise her grandchild according to the most up-to-date medical thinking, or whether she wants me to use 35 year old information. This argument worked really well when I was pregnant, and on the issue of when to introduce solid foods, especially dairy products. My mom believes in published advice, especially if it's documented. I cited the World Health Organization (WHO) the American Academy of Pediatrics 1997 breastfeeding recommendations and some stuff I found on infant feeding at the NIH website.<br><br>
Okay, but what do you do if your family doesn't typically credit what they read, but only what they perceive as time-tested family experience? Here's where you have to tell them the truth: this is your baby, you are the mom, and your opinion counts. They don't even have a vote.<br><br>
If you want to be nice and keep your relationship positive, you could ask your mom or sister about what advice they got from family members when their children were small. I can almost guarantee that other family members pulled the same crap on them that they are pulling on you! Especially your sister, I bet your mom was all over her to do this and that thing that her doctor told her not to do. You may be able to bond with them on what it's like to try to negotiate family relationships around this. I hope.
 

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lol, yeah I have to go with the Captain.<br><br>
Ultimately, the bottom line is this: it's your child and your right to raise him the way you see fit. They had (or will have) their chances with their own kids.<br><br>
Sometimes you just have to be firm with them. Be proactive. When the subject comes up, change the subject immediately and don't even be subtle about it.<br><br>
"So, when are you going to put Kai in a crib"<br>
"Hey mum, did you catch the weather report? We're supposed to be getting a big storm!"<br><br>
I'm serious. Just be stubborn as hell, and if they push it say "I have already told you these things are not up for discussion. We've made our decisions and there is nothing left to say". Then switch the conversation again.<br><br>
It's like conditioning...eventually they will get it. And in the meantime, it might even be kind of fun! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Have you read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner? She has a great example in the book about a mother and daughter disagreeing on the parenting decisions the daughter was making. Honestly, I sided with the mother (who didn't want the baby to cry it out), but the advice was geared towards getting the mother to butt out. It is great advice and I have worked it with my own mother.<br><br>
My therapist told me long ago, when people offer you unsolicited advice, you should say, "Well, that's an interesting perspective." or "Well, that's one way of looking at it."<br><br>
You let them know you heard them, it is clear you don't agree, and you close the conversation making it clear you aren't interested in defending yourself or debating with them. This never fails to work with family members.<br><br>
I don't try to convince anyone of my beliefs unless I think they are open to hearing me. Otherwise I am wasting valuable energy and emotion I could put towards better use.
 

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I agree with Laralou that most people just really want to be heard.<br><br>
I can listen to what people say, acknowledge it and then filter out everything I choose.<br><br>
They won't change unless they want to and you will probably not ever be able to say or write anything that will change them. You can change how you react (or don't react). I usually just listen very intently, say, "that's an interesting point" or something like that and then drop the whole conversation.<br><br>
For some reason, parenting seems to be the one arena where everyone feels they are an expert.....whether they've raised children years ago, never had children or are raising children at the time.<br><br>
You do not have to listen to, take the advice of or justify anything you do regarding your parenting decisions.<br><br>
BTW, I find that when I was choosing "different" options than my family was used to, it took them some time to come around. The first year or so they were quite vocal and now they rarely say anything.
 
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