Big for age

588 Views 12 Replies 11 Participants Last post by moongazer, Jun 22, 2004

Cornflower

Discussion Starter · Jun 18, 2004

Any of you have really big kids? People generally assume my son is at least a year older then he is, if not more. His cousin is 18 months older and is the same size. My big little guy is starting a very small alternative school (preschool) at the end of the summer and I am dreading it. He is shy and he looks older and he doesn't have the clearest speech. I am so afraid of how the kids will treat him. When he is with his cousin neither of them really understands the age difference because they are the same height.

He is going to this school in part because he is desparate for time with kids his age and I have not done a good job of providing it (I am also shy). But I have these terrible fears of kids treating him badly because they think he is a weird 5 or 6 year old, not a normal 4 year old.

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Mindful Mom

· #2 · Jun 18, 2004

This would be us!

Ean is 27 months and is in the 95th percentile for both height and weight. He's also very verbal, so people naturally assume that he's much older than he is.

I often have to remind people (and myself!) that he's *only* 27 months old -- it's easy to expect him to act the age he looks instead of the age he is!!

Good luck to you!

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PM

· #3 · Jun 18, 2004

Yes, and sometimes it's a pain. My dd is very tall. She is 4. For over a year people have thought she is older than she is. It's tough because they expect her to talk a certain way, have certain skills, etc. One dad was asking me in the park what grade dd is in. And in Russian I just couldn't fully understand the question because I had never been asked it and didn't expect it all. Finally, I understood, and I said, "She's only 4!" And the guy was totally surprised, thought she was 7 or 8! But kids are super small here.

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Mamid

· #4 · Jun 19, 2004

People have been expecting my son to act like a 3yo since last christmas! He was barely 16mo at that time!

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Dar

· #5 · Jun 19, 2004

Rain was always above the 90% percentile in height and weight, and at times was right off the charts. When she was around 20 months, she got into a "discussion" with two older women about how old she was - she kept telling them "I'm one" and holding up one finger, and they kept telling her know, she wasn't one, was she maybe *3*...? And when she was 7 and went to Take Your Daughter to Work with a friend and her dad, another child accused her of lying about her age and didn't believe her even when friend and dad backed her up. Actually, she'e been accused of lying about her age repeatedly, which really sucks.

I have a traumatic memory of being 6 at a library storytime, and the librarian asked for a volunteer to come up and help with something, and this day she asked for someone who was 6, I think maybe because the book had a 6 yr old? Anyway, I raised my hand and was chosen, and all I remember is hearing kids *and their moms* talking to each other about how I wasn't six, I had lied just to get chosen, blah, blah, blah. It was awful....

I am perhaps not helping here. I guess I've never really successfully dealt with this, and my feelings around it. Now Rain is 11, 5'3", and looks 13... for me, somewhere around 16 or 17 I started looking *younger* than my age, if that helps, and I still do. I ended up at 5'7.5", which isn't really tall, and I imagine Rain will end up around the same. She'll (and I ) just do all her growing sooner...

Dar

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Saiahma

· #6 · Jun 19, 2004

MY DS is very tall too. He's 6 and he's 4 ft 4 (this was his height at his 6 yr check up in Feb, may be taller now..). When he was under a year people would always aske why he wasn't walking, when he was 2 they were confused about his speech (he looked 4). Now he looks like he's 8 or 9! There was actually a girl in his K5 class that was about 3 inches taller than him, but usually he's the biggest kid in his age group. He's really thinning out though, and it's getting hard to find clothes. I'm so happy summer is here so he can wear shorts and I don't have to worry about length (he always seems to out grow his pants 2 weeks after I buy them.........) DS wears a size 5 in shoes

: My brother is an average size 11 yr old and actually wears a smaller size shoe than DS. I'm finding that it's a little easier now that he's older, and "milestones" aren't so important, people don't make stupid comments as often, other than "he's SO tall, sign him up for an NBA contract..."

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Cornflower

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jun 19, 2004

Thank you all for posting. I am not a terribly tall woman but I was taller then everyone when I was younger and always looked older and I had a hard time. I'm worried about DS having the same troubles. At 3 we were getting a lot of "Why aren't you in school today" and then everyone would think he was rude for not answering. The quietness and bigness seem even harder. And he has reached most of his milestones later, so not only were folks expecting more because they thought he was older but he wasn't doing the things they would expect of a child his age. At least right now he has a very clearly young face, so that much doesn't look like an older kid.

Even worse, his cousin was sick as a baby and was quite small. Even now he is very very thin and a very picky eater. My guy will eat anything and is generally off the top chart lines in height and weight. My inlaws always talk in comparisons with them and it makes me crazy. They are both where they need to be.

I keep thinking maybe he is slowing down and will average out some but I suppose it is just the slower growth of a four year old compared to a baby. My brothers are both over 6 feet, as are all the men on my mom's side. At least I'll know how to find thos size 14 shoes when he's older

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witch's mom

· #8 · Jun 19, 2004

Both my DDs are tall for their age. It really influenced our decision about starting our older girl, who has got a fall birthday, in kindergarten when she was 4 rather than when she was 5. (Most people "hold" their fall-birthday kids around here.) Our younger DD, with a summer birthday, will be one of the younger kids in kindergarten when she starts, but size wise, she'll tower over many of the children.

What I've seen is that it tapers off. Older DD is now 7 and she's the same size as her classmates, who are all older than she is by at least several months, some by more than a year, and we're beginning to see some same-age girls who are the same size as she is. Little DD, at 4, still looks a little awkward around kids her own age, but both girls seem proud to be "tall and strong and healthy." When people comment, I've often replied, "She's tall and strong and healthy, and her body works GREAT." Older DD was always too reserved to actually SAY that to anyone, but she'd say it to me in private; little DD, who was born with lots of social confidence, tells people who comment on her size: "Yes, I'm tall and strong and healthy, and my body works GREAT."

That said, there IS a particular challenge in finding clothes to fit. This might be a whole other thread, but does anyone have any great resources for girls' shirts that are actually long enough?

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PM

· #9 · Jun 19, 2004

Just out of curiosity, Witch's Mom, how tall is your 4 yo? Mine's 110 cm (43?). Hannas work well. As a tall (6')woman, I know it helps to wear pants and skirts that hit up at the waist. Then I can wear some of the shorter tops.

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ja mama

· #10 · Jun 20, 2004

My 2 year old is almost the same size as my 4 year old(4 pounds difference in Jan). They get asked if they are twins all the time. My 4 yo has a couple inches on his brother but is so shy he doesn't correct people. DS2 is big and talkative. Sometimes I have to really keep in mind how much age difference there is, or I treat them roughly as equals.

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nikirj

· #11 · Jun 20, 2004

Both of my kids look older than they are. My 4yo gets asked what grade she is in a lot. People talk to the 2yo like they expect a lucid answer. They aren't humongous (the 4yo is 43" and about 38 lbs, the 2yo about 34 lbs). They just look older than they are. Next to most of her peers, DD looks older, I think mainly because she doesn't really have that 'baby fat' look on her - she is proportioned like a slim 6yo, not a tall 4yo - hard to explain really. Other kids do just fine with both my kids - they very quickly adjust to what level my kids are on. It is adults that have the problem. The 4yo is quite mature in other ways and has little problem with this, but the 2yo has bigger problems.

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boomingranny

· #12 · Jun 21, 2004

My dd is off the chart. She is 60 lbs and 4 feet (and she's only 6). She's very strong and in great shape. I also worried, and it has definitely affected how others interact with her. I can comiserate! She seems to be fine with it and is proud of her strong and healthy body. I call her a little Amazon, My xena.

cheers

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moongazer

· #13 · Jun 22, 2004

My DS has always been really big for his age, too. He's 11 and 5'8" and wears a size 11(mens) shoe. It seems to me that it is always the adults that have the unrealistic expectations of him. Other kids just don't seem to notice that much. We homeschool now so it REALLY isn't an issue for us because most groups we participate in are mixed age. But even in preschool when he was in a class with just other 4 year olds, the kids treated him just fine. I really found that his size didn't matter to them.

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