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ugh....well, after a trying evening and morning of being completely emotional I called my mw. I just feel like I want to get the baby out and today I am not really having any ctx. I have been so good with keeping faith and patience by my side, but this morning I just fell apart and let any worry our doubt I have creep right in. I know in my heart everything is fine, and that sometimes babies just come late, but I am (gulp) going to make a call to the back-up doc (that I've seen twice) and schedule a biophysical profile. I just need to know that everything is ok in there. I am really nervous, but I think having the information will make me feel more at ease.....nervous because I don't want to catch crap from the md about being "late", and dealing with them trying to schedule me for an induction, going to the hospital and being in that environment.....and what IF something in the test indicates a need for induction? Logically I would want to know, and do everything I can for the health and wellbeing of this baby, but the thought of even the possibility of not having my so badly desired homebirth brings me to tears. I realize I am just at the end of my rope and probably overreacting, but that's just where I am today. I tried so hard to have a hb with ds1, and ended up with pit after 48 hours of intense prodromal labor. This time around, and especially after such a great pregnancy, I didn't think I would be here. I know it sounds like I am throwing in the towel, and hopefully I will come back from the test with good news and a renewed sense of faith but at the moment I feel like I am hanging off a cliff. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Oh mama, I'm so sorry you're going through this. If the biophysical profile will let you relax a little more and wait for baby to make his/her entrance, then go for it. And if, by some off chance, it shows reason for induction, it will be really, really disappointing, but you'll be happy you found out. At least that's how I felt—at 41 weeks I learned that my amniotic fluid was very low and we ended up inducing that day. It wasn't at all the labor or delivery I had envisioned, but it was still incredibly empowering and special, and the result was a beautiful, healthy baby girl. My husband kept telling me (as I was crying my eyes out about having to be induced), "It's not starting how you want, but it can still end the way you want." That helped me let go of my vision of the birth and embrace the new direction it was taking.<br><br>
Hopefully you won't have to deal with any of that and everything will go just as planned. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
 

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I had blood work done at 39.5 weeks just because I needed to know that everything was OK. I totally understand the feeling! I hope it gives you relief, but remember that sizing on late U/S is very much an estimate.
 

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big big <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
I'm facing a possible risking out or at least some similar testing in my near future too, but as much as it sucks, you and I both know we are doing the best for our babies. I really hope that you get the reassurance you need to continue on to have a beautiful homebirth mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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My heart goes out to you, Sunmama. I hope the test brings relief. I completely undrestand the need to do it and would do the same thing in your shoes.<br><br>
Having just been through an induction I never expected, I can concur with a PP that said it can still end the way you want (sort of). I, too, so badly wanted a quiet homebirth. In the end, though, I'm extremely satisfied with the birth of Daniel and how I handled it. I hope for the same positive outcome for you, regardless of the external circumstances.<br><br>
Huge hug to you on this trying day, Mama....
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks mamas SO MUCH for your encouragement and sympathy! It was so helpful to read. I can't say enough how much support I feel from our ddc! I am so thankful! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
So, after breathing and meditating on what to do about this appointment(and hoping for some sort of sign<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">) I decided to procrastinate on calling the doc and made some food. Then, I stared at the phone for oh, about 15 minutes and rehearsed what I was going to say(kinda sticky here with the whole homebirth midwife and finding a doc who will actually back you up thing). Finally, I take a deep breath, pick up the phone and go to slay the dragon......guess what?! The office is closed for the day! I just started cracking up, and then ctx started, and I've been having them ever since. Yes, they are not earth moving, but at least they are something. So, I got back on the phone with my mw and we discussed some natural induction methods that I am going to try tonight, and if I am not in labor by morning, I'll call the doc and set up an appointment for the test. So funny. I also recalculated my due date based on the day I am sure I conceived, and it gave me a few more days than what I am according to LMP. It's splitting hairs, but makes me feel better. It would make me 42w and a day.(instead of 42w5d)<br>
I feel like I just went through some crazy bubble today, but maybe something I had to go through. And if nothing is happening by tomorrow, I have made peace with calling the doc, and will go with it, knowing that in the end of this incredible journey I will be holding my fresh new sweet one!<br>
Thanks again mamas for the support. I'll post an update tomorrow when I know what's going on! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">:
 

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Sending major waves of thoughts on ctx to you mama! You are amazing!!
 

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Hope those ctx go somewhere for you!!!
 

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I read somewhere just yesterday that you can always tell when labor is near when the mama finally breaks down crying and thinks that something could be wrong and that the baby might never come out. I'm sorry I don't know the website, and I'm not implying that you are breaking down, but when I first read you post my thoughts were exactly that. She's going to go into labor today. WLV coming your way mama!!!
 
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