Birthday card for new (step) niece

1515 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by greenemami, Apr 9, 2009

caro113

Discussion Starter · Apr 8, 2009

DP's sister has a new step daughter. She and her boyfriend aren't married (and I don't know that they plan to get married) but they are expecting their first child in June and his daughter will be 4 yo in May. We haven't met them yet, but hopefully we will soon

Anyhow, A's birthday is in May, which means I will buy her birthday card in the next week or so and send it out by the first week of May (She's on a military base and I'm horrible with sending things out, so the earlier the better). But I'm not sure how to sign the card. I wasn't going to write "Uncle and Aunt" on there because she doesn't know us yet, but she is still a part of the family. She'll be invited to my daughter's birthday party, even though I know she can't be there, and she'll still get a present in December. I was thinking of writing "your new family" after we sign our names, but I don't want to seem like I'm writing off her mother's family. When her dad isn't deployed she lives with her mom, so it's not like she's out of the picture or anything.

Does anyone know what I can write that isn't stepping on her mother's family's toes? She hasn't had a chance to meet anyone in our family yet (her step moms family) but I don't want to skip her birthday and I'm not sure if she knows who we all are yet. I mean she's only turning 4, I can't imagine she would understand all that yet.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. TIA

Just to note: I'm not sure if this means anything, but as far as I'm concerned, my daughter will know A as her cousin, not her step cousin. She will never be treated any differently by us. We don't differentiate in our family.

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Daphneduck

· #2 · Apr 8, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by caro113

Does anyone know what I can write that isn't stepping on her mother's family's toes? She hasn't had a chance to meet anyone in our family yet (her step moms family) but I don't want to skip her birthday and I'm not sure if she knows who we all are yet. I mean she's only turning 4, I can't imagine she would understand all that yet.

I would ask your DP's sister what terminology would be OK with the mother and her family. She might be able to steer you in the right direction there.
My stepmother's parents sent me a Valentines Day card (it was the nearest holiday after my dad and step mom married) and I think that they signed it with their first names, though I'm not sure. They just kind of introduced themselves and said that they were looking forward to spending time with me and getting to know me. They enclosed a few pictures, too. I met them a few months later and I think that I felt a connection to them because of that initial overture. We eventually became pretty close, and at some point I started calling them "Mimi" and "Poppy," just as their other grandkids did.

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aricha

· #3 · Apr 9, 2009

I think I would either sign it with whatever names you and your DP's sister agree you would be called... to me that would either be your first names or "Aunt Whoever and Uncle so-and-so". You could just do your first names, then move to aunt and uncle later if that feels more comfortable.

In our family, we started referring to my brother-in-law's girlfriend as "aunt" when we knew there was a baby on the way, even though they weren't married... we figured even if they didn't stay together she would be their cousin's mom and, therefore, their aunt. And I checked with my brother before he'd married his wife to see if he and his g/f were okay with my kids calling her "aunt."

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caro113

Discussion Starter · #4 · Apr 9, 2009

I will definitely ask her, it's just a matter of getting a hold of her. She is rarely online and it's difficult to get a hold of her on the phone. I guess being on a military base means you don't have a lot time for anything else. I really don't know, so I just thought I would ask here in case I can't get a hold of her. Since this is A's first (and so far only) sibling, we are planning to get her a "big sister" shirt for her birthday. Hopefully that will make her day.

Thank you for the idea of writing a little message about getting ready to meet her and being excited about it. I didn't think to do that. I hope she enjoys the little message. DD will probably draw her a picture, too, since she likes to do that when Im signing cards for our families.

Thanks again! I really appreciate it.

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vivvysue

· #5 · Apr 9, 2009

i am a bio mom and a sm too, if it were me i would sign aunty and uncle if that is what your other neices and nephews call you. if the bm feels threatened by you, nothing you can do will change her feelings.
i think it would make your dp's sister's dp and dd feel so welcomed in your life...
i loved the idea of the message about wanting to meet her too, i think that it great

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greenemami

· #6 · Apr 9, 2009

My dsd called my parents and sisters by their first names for the first couple of years. She has now progressed (particular after the birth of mine and her dad's dd) to calling them grandma, pop-pop, and aunts. Personally, I would not go with Aunt and Uncle if you have not met her yet, (seems too familiar) although I also don't see how it would be offensive to the little girls mom. Good luck with what you decide. With such a young kid, I think the natural progression, especially with a younger sibling who is learing to talk and learning all those family names, will be to start calling you aunt and uncle as she gets to know you better.

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