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Did anybody else have a hard time bonding with their babies while in utero? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I'm not sure if it's because this is my second pregnancy and I have a very active and demanding 2 year-old who takes up all of my attention or if it's because I'm having twins this time around (probably a bit of both!) But I'm just not feeling as connected to this pregnancy as I would like to be.<br><br>
One thing in particular that's bothering me is the trouble we're having coming up with names for these little ones. Hubby and I talk about it a lot but neither of us can come up with anything that screams "this is THE name!" Honestly, I think the big reason I can't find anything I like is because I feel like I don't KNOW them yet. On one hand I'm content with waiting until their birth to meet them and decide fully on a name. On the other I keep thinking that being able to refer to them by name might help me feel more connected during this last trimester. It would be nice not to always refer to them as "the twins" or "boy" and "girl!"<br><br>
Tell me I'm not the only crazy one who feels/felt this way??
 

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This is my first pregnancy, so I can't compare it to anything. But despite trying for 4 1/2 years to get pregnant I was hoping I'd feel something "more". Odd I know.<br><br>
The only example I can think of is when I heard my son's heartbeat before he was born (via phone) from his birth mom. I balled like a baby and got so overly emotional I felt like a dork.<br><br>
Now I hear these babies heartbeats and it's cool, but it's not that overwhelming feeling that I had with my son. Makes me feel like a crappy mom sometimes.<br><br>
We have names chosen, but I'm afraid to name them yet. I keep thinking the one on my right is going to be Wesley and the one on my left is Nathan, but what if they come out and their personalities are different? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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As much as I'd like to think of myself as an intuitive person, I REALLY thought I was having a boy (ONE boy) with my twin pregnancy. Two girl twins later, I laugh at that lapse in intuition <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
It was hard for me to adjust to TWO babies, and I felt "behind" in bonding. But I started paying attention to them. Serena (on my left) was really "serene", hence, her name. Her HR was always lower, and she moved less. Her energy just seemed serene. Sierra was on the right and quite the active one. My DH came up with the name, though, for the mountains. And she is such a Sierra-- so physical!<br>
I don't think hearing the twins' heartbeats was the same for me this pregnancy as my first. Still beautiful and touching, but different. You will bond. Give yourself time to adjust here. I don't think twinshock is something you get over in a short time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> to the PPs.<br><br>
And I think some of it is more of a "not the first time" thing and not just a twin thing (although the twin thing complicates it all, I must admit). Even before I knew we had two in there, I didn't feel as connected, or as in awe, or as focused on every little detail like I was during my first pregnancy. I was busy with an active toddler, I didn't revel in every little flutter and development (ohhh, the babe is the size of a lima bean this week, DP! for the first... and "wow, I guess I have been feeling you move now for a couple of weeks then" with the second (which turned out to be second and third). So be gentle with yourself there, too.<br><br>
I wonder if mamas who had two kids before twins (singleton, singleton, twins) could confirm -- that you just can't be as focused during a second pregnancy, multiple or not, because you have your hands full with the first (and other reasons).<br><br>
Anyway... it comes. It took me a bit longer to bond with my girls after they were born, too. But I did bond!<br><br>
Good luck, mama...
 

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I had a difficult time as well.<br>
We chose not to find out the gender, which was the first time for me, being a control freak! Once we found out we were having twins, I felt totally and completely off.my.game.<br><br>
I worried about EVERYTHING ... about eating too much, too little; about the babies moving too much, too little; having contractions (had loads); breastfeeding my toddler; losing one of the babies, etc.<br><br>
My Baby A (Adam) moved less ... not sure if he was positioned funny, or what. My Baby B (Thomas) kicked me all the time. Nowdays, they are completely opposite. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I just tried to pat my belly all the time, and tell them to grow, and that I loved them. I didn't sing, like I did with Rachel, and I definitely didn't feel as connected. Hell, there are still days I look at them, and think ... OMG, I have 2 BABIES! I GREW 2 BABIES!!<br><br>
I think the bonding comes in time .... like when you've made it through the survival mode, in bits and pieces.<br><br>
I'm amazed by you, Chantel, if you're reading this. Your blog post on Ben and Claire's personalities is so sweet .... and makes me feel like a dummy. I don't know my boys that well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I have a three year old and am currently 24 weeks pregnant with twin boys. I decided I needed to nickname them, because I didn't like "the twins" or "baby A and baby B". My husband is reluctant to talk names until late until the pregnancy so I was trying to push the subject and he was reading a book that a character's name was bungo pete. I know not the most flattering name and he was like we could name one of the babies bungo pete j/king of course. I then asked well what is the other ones name then? he said mike. So for a couple of weeks they have been pete and mike and I know this will not be there forever names, but I like having nicknames for them. Makes me feel a bit more connected.<br><br>
I think it is a bit harder with two also because naming somebody for me was so hard the first time and this time it is twice as hard.
 

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i have had this nagging fear that when they are born we won't know which baby was "baby a" and which one was "baby b". no idea how likely that is. so i have avoided calling them each by a name unless i'm talking about both of them. jet and marvel love their names though and tell me where which baby is in my belly. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
but yeah, i am definately bonding with them differently than i did my oldest.
 

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<br>
I worried about EVERYTHING ... about eating too much, too little; about the babies moving too much, too little; having contractions (had loads); breastfeeding my toddler; losing one of the babies, etc.<br><br><br>
I can relate to the worrying! I have five kids so you'd think that by now I would be an old pro at this!! I had significant hemorrhaging several times with my twin pregnancy so I honestly believe that sort of tained the excitement of being pregnant! I was also on bedrest for 8 months of my pregnancy!! My poor family!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I think there was a constant worry for me about carrying them to term or losing the pregnancy. Oddly enough though, I think being on bedrest gave me nothing better to do than to lay there and rub my tummy and think about my babies! We named them inutero and they totally fit their names!!<br><br>
I don't think I bonded with them any less being twins, for me it was the underlying worry that kept me a little more reserved about it. I always thought it was hard wondering who was moving when and where and thinking I knew where they were and then going to an ultrasound and they would be in a completely different position then I thought they were in. The whole experience was completely different than with my singleton pregnancies.
 

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Agreeing with the pp. During my twin pregnancy, I don't feel like I enjoyed it very much. I was constantly worried about my blood pressure (it was high with my ds and I had to be induced at 37w because of it) and a few other things. I was excited to find out we were having a boy and a girl, but then we found out our girl has a severe heart defect. I thought I wasn't bonding with the babies becuase of that, but reading the pp, I realized it probably was just the 2nd/twin pregnancy.<br><br>
Now that they're 9w old, I still don't feel like i"ve bonded with them<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush">. I'm certainly doing better now, but at first I wasn't even sure I LIKED them (even though I've always loved them, if that makes sense). I still feel like we're in survival mode, and hoping to start bonding better with them soon. Glad to hear I'm not alone.<br><br>
We had baby boy's name picked out pretty quickly after finding out the sexes. WE were still arguing over baby girl's name on the way to the hospital. I think we just were more in sync with boys names!
 
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