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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, DH and I just went through a really scary, marriage threatening experience and it seems like a whole new stage has opened up for us (in mostly a good way). I realized by coming through this experience that I really am not happy w/the way I am a friend/wife to him. I am very often negative about his interests, not a good listener, and not genuinely supportive of his dreams/happiness. I have known this for a long time but really want to address it.<br><br>
I am going to try and scrounge up some money for personal counseling for me but in the meantime, am wondering if anyone has any suggestions at all or book suggestions for changing long-standing negative behaviour such as this? I really want to work on this....any tips would be welcome!<br>
Thanks mamas.
 

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hugs.<br><br>
I'm sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you've got your head on straight..sometimes we get wake up calls just for that...waking up.<br><br>
I recommend this book constantly on MDC. It is THE best.<br><br>
The Dance of Anger.<br><br>
plug it into Amazon..read about it. Then run out to the bookstore and get it.<br><br>
It is fantastic about changing patterns. It really points out lots of things that go on with relationships and patterns. And what the pay off is by negative behavior and how to make changes.<br><br>
I would say start there!<br><br><br>
by the way, are you at an anniversary age? anniversary means, did your parents split up at the age your are now? Is your dc at the age you were when your parents split up? Or what about your husband? Or what in general happened to your mom or dad when she was your age now? Anyone die? Sometimes we hit these ages and life gets really, really intense. It is like the body/mind remember the anniversary.<br><br>
anyway good luck. The book is great.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Are you, or are both of you Christian? Not to be too personal....but......If so I can suggest some great books that dh-2b and I have been reading as pre-marital "homework". Let me know. I can think of 2 or 3.<br><br>
Aimee
 

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How about Non-Violent Communication. It's absolutely amazing.<br><a href="http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/BookPages/Summary.html#Chapter%209%20Summary" target="_blank">http://www.nonviolentcommunication.c...%209%20Summary</a><br><br>
NVC is something that works for all facets of any relationship. I picked it up bc i'm always looking for ways to enrich my mothering relationship, but it's also helping a lot with my relationship with my husband.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks so much everyone. It has been really tough, but I must say, I feel more alive/awake and in love w/DH than ever. But it is scary stuff<br><br>
No, Aimee, I'm not a Christian. Thanks for the offer though. I appreciate it.<br><br>
Trabot--well, I don't *think* antying like that happened to my parents at this age but DH's parents divorced when he was DS's age (2). We also have an older child and actually we have even talked about that this maybe part of it since DS is, well, a boy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Also he is going to be 28 this Oct and we are also thinking Saturn return. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> All in all, I think things will be okay.<br><br>
Thanks a lot. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And if anyone else has any suggestions, please feel welcome to give them.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">but DH's parents divorced when he was DS's age (2).</td>
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bingo. I tell you it is amazing how the 'anniversary' years hit.<br><br>
good luck on all. let me know if you read the book I'd like to hear your thoughts.<br><br><br>
p.s. very saturn return indeed.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
thanks so much, as always, trabot. I sent you a PM, describing the situation more, in the hopes you migth have more insights. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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sorry i couldn't be more help.<br><br>
let us know if you need anything.<br><br>
I bet the "anniv' IS an issue.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Peace.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Peace"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Peace.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Peace"><br><br>
Aimee<br><br>
ps trabot is great !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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I recommend:<br>
Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.<br>
Also, I've read NVC as Aster recommended and agree that it is an awesome book as well.<br>
best to you.
 
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