Mothering Forum banner
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I didn't want to hijack Piglet's thread, but her post about a great book connecting child development to parenting/teaching made want to ask something related:

I used to see people recommending some books on child development, a series with names something like "Your Child at--" (Like, Your Child at Two, etc) Does anyone know how to find this series? I keep meaning to check it out for myself, and Piglet's recommendation of the other book makes me want to compare them. If you've encountered this series, any comments?

TIA

Edited to add: Maybe it was titles like "Your Preschool Child" etc--?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
is it "Your One Year old (Two Year Old, Three Year Old...)" by Louise Bates Ames. Our library has them and you can also get them from Amazon.com

If that's not it, I'm not sure what it would be - but those are great books too
They're from the Gesell Institute which is what is used in developmental assessments by most child development professionals. I've only read the 1yo and 2yo books - they were really good.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
Hi NoraJadesmom,

Just wanted to add my .02 for what it's worth.
Our library carries this series as well and while I found the developmental/stage information helpful, I wasn't thrilled about the advice given...

In particular, they talk about age 3 1/2 like it's the worst thing to ever happen to a mom. Now, I have a 3 1/2 year old and I'm seeing many of the things they mentioned and while I appreciate having been informed ahead of time and knowing it's normal, I didn't appreciate that they advise over and over (ad naseum), to just be away from your child as much as possible during this time. That mom and child have a rough time during this period and it's best just to be separate because your child will respond better to just about anyone else but you. *sigh* I felt that this very cynical and of course, being AP against my every instinct. I should add, that they didn't extend this in an "across the board" style, the language felt rather coercive. This isn't to say I don't occasionally need and take a break from DS when I feel I need one--mom time is important. But this book gave me the impression that this should be the rule during this time rather than the exception. KWIM?

As it turns out, 3 1/2 can be rough at time. Very rough indeed, but it's also wonderful, amazing and funny as all get out!


So to be clear, the information was indeed helpful and useful. The advice, OTOH, was a little um, not to my liking.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks so much for adding your reactions, Embee.

Sounds like the advice given in Piglet's book is so much more empathic, particularly when it comes to separations. Not surprising, since this series is so popular-- I guess you'd expect it to be mainstream in sensibility.
:

I still haven't made it over to our library yet to see if either is there. To what extent do you feel you could read the "Your One Year Old" series for the developmental info and ignore the advice, ie., how separable is the good from the bad?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,611 Posts
I got Your One Year Old from a thrift store around the time my dd turned one, and I didn't think it was that great. In fact, it made 12-24 month olds sound so unpleasant that I got pretty bummed out and started thinking maybe the second year was going to be a lot less fun than I had expected. I started a thread here about it and asked people to reassure me that my daughter wasn't really going to turn into the kind of toddler the book describes, and they did. And now that she's 17 months, I can say with relief that her behavior since turning one has been nothing like what was described in the book. I don't know if there's a newer edition, but the one I read was 20 years old, and not written from an AP perspective at all. Maybe the behaviors it describes are more typical of kids who aren't in very attached relationships with their parents.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,380 Posts
I like the Ames and Ilg books but you have to know before reading them that they are dated and need to be taken with a grain of salt, so to speak. I also was uncomfortable with their description of 3 1/2 year-olds and their recommendation to leave them with sitters or in day care much of the time, but once my daughter was that age, I did see how getting an occasional break from her helped me be much more loving and patient the rest of the time. It was truly a very difficult age and I just adjusted their advice to fit my own style.

I have been pretty impressed with how accurate their descriptions are of children at different ages. It is useful to me to be able to read these books in advance so that when my child suddenly exhibits a new behavior challenge I'm not toally blindsided!

There will never be one book that is perfect, anyway. I find that I read many different parenting books and take away what is useful and disregard the rest.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by LunaMom
I have been pretty impressed with how accurate their descriptions are of children at different ages. It is useful to me to be able to read these books in advance so that when my child suddenly exhibits a new behavior challenge I'm not toally blindsided!

There will never be one book that is perfect, anyway. I find that I read many different parenting books and take away what is useful and disregard the rest.
Yep, that about sums it up for me as well. I've become much better at reading books of this nature with that "grain of salt" Lunamom mentioned. As a younger mom, I second guessed quite a bit and I'm thankful that I didn't read this series until the Three Year Old book. I also found their descriptions to be rather right on, and while I was reading the book (DS was just under 3 at the time), DS was starting to slowly display many of the things they described. As I mentioned before, I do appreciate having a "heads up" on things. Helps me deal better once they come along (IF they do) and be more relaxed overall. So, in that way I found the books very helpful.

Also, as Lunamom pointed out, she adjusted the advice to something she was comfortable with and I do the same. No, it doesn't thrill me to have someone suggest that nursery school is a must because mom and kid simply can't relate at this age, but because I know better and have a better hold of my own instincts, I can "adjust" this advice to something I feel is a better fit for our family.

I do intend to read, "Your Four Year Old" because I do appreciate reading developmental information, and frankly because the tone of these books tend to be rather cynical at times, when the age actually comes along, it doesn't seem nearly as bad as they put it out there to be!


The best,
Em
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Daffodil
I got Your One Year Old from a thrift store around the time my dd turned one, and I didn't think it was that great. In fact, it made 12-24 month olds sound so unpleasant that I got pretty bummed out and started thinking maybe the second year was going to be a lot less fun than I had expected.
Whew! Glad I skipped this volume. 1-2 was a most wonderful, happy, easy time for us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,311 Posts
Recently took the Six Year Old book out of the library, and left it around for DH to hopefully pick up ... and he occasionally does. Mostly have found it's helpful for him to see that some of the behaviors that make him nuts are actually common and age-appropriate (as opposed to being DS#1's attempts to torture his father.
)

Not easy to get DH to read much lately, but these books are small enough to make him feel like he's read a lot of it, IYKWIM ... :LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
Hey NoraJadesMom!


Just wanted to let you know that I've begun reading Your Four Year Old and so far, I'm pretty happy with it. I think because I tended to focus on some of the more cynical language, I forgot that the main focus of these books is to give information to help parents better deal with what it NORMAL behavior. There is now that I see it, a respectful attititude towards children overall in these books. Basically, accepting what's normal for a particular age and by understanding the behavior, not to take it personally, ideas for dealing with it, etc. Pretty right on IMO.

In addition, they do make many disclaimers that not all developmental stages happen at the same time for all kids, and not to compare, etc. They do still hammer in (with discaimer I should add), that nursery school is the best thing around for MOST kids, but that's my own little sticking point I suppose.


The best and happy reading,
Em
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top