[unfrozncavegrl]

Does anyone know of any?

How about how an AP style divorce might be different from mainstream divorce? I read so many things that frighten me about divorce and the impact it has on children (it is worse on kids then if their parent were to die) that it just stops me in my tracks.

I'd love to know how to make this as positive of an experience as possible.

 

[Seasons]

The two main causes of divorce trauma for kids are (1) losing the consistent family unit they know, and (2) seeing parental conflict (pre- and post-divorce). Being AP I don't think changes either one. Being respectful as adults could change #2.

 

[MelMel]

I don't remember any titles, but I read MANY books in the few months I was considering leaving my marriage. They all said the same thing, kids have better outcomes when the ease is slow and gentle, and when the parents stay PARTNERS (in parenting)

So we still lived in the same home (as roommates) for a few months, the kids getting used to the new dynamic....he started seeing a woman seriously, and she would slowly come around. The best thing was that we never fought...we always laughed, we tried to still be friends and get along, and we succeeded. we meant it. I was with him half my life, its not like i couldn't find things I appreciated about him. I may not of loved him or felt passionately about him anymore, but he is still family.

The kids are doing great, now about 8 months since the start of all this, 2 months of me on my own. We share complete 50/50 custody, and I had to make a sacrifice by moving in the same township, a few miles away, in order for that to happen.

It helps that my stbx's girlfriend lives with him now, with her 2 children...my kids love them and with the help, he can handle this and is very positive. I was worried about his frame of mind, he never could be alone and can get very sensitive. Me welcoming this new relationship of my stbx's has gone very far is helping the kids see all this as a new adventure, and an even larger family to love and take care of them.

 

[unfrozncavegrl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelMel I don't remember any titles, but I read MANY books in the few months I was considering leaving my marriage. They all said the same thing, kids have better outcomes when the ease is slow and gentle, and when the parents stay PARTNERS (in parenting) So we still lived in the same home (as roommates) for a few months, the kids getting used to the new dynamic....he started seeing a woman seriously, and she would slowly come around. The best thing was that we never fought...we always laughed, we tried to still be friends and get along, and we succeeded. we meant it. I was with him half my life, its not like i couldn't find things I appreciated about him. I may not of loved him or felt passionately about him anymore, but he is still family. The kids are doing great, now about 8 months since the start of all this, 2 months of me on my own. We share complete 50/50 custody, and I had to make a sacrifice by moving in the same township, a few miles away, in order for that to happen. It helps that my stbx's girlfriend lives with him now, with her 2 children...my kids love them and with the help, he can handle this and is very positive. I was worried about his frame of mind, he never could be alone and can get very sensitive. Me welcoming this new relationship of my stbx's has gone very far is helping the kids see all this as a new adventure, and an even larger family to love and take care of them.

Thank you, this is very good advice and applicable to our situation.

 

[MelMel]

I am so glad! divorce doesn't have to be negative, or a huge disaster....it is just a changing/shifting of a relationship.

I know I am lucky that my ex is not a flake, or psycho....he isn't perfect, he drinks too much, is irresponsible at times, doesn't have much drive....but I don't dwell on these things, I know he can still and IS a good, loving dad in spite of that.

besides, what would that say about me if I suddenly hated and treated this man poorly, or him me? I chose him, 13 years ago, to share my life with and have children with....I spent all those years with him, we are so alike in so many ways. I would hate to tell the world now that I had poor judgement

I can't lose face like that. lol.

 

[grisandole]

The Good Divorce is a great read and IMO a good instruction manual for an AP/friendly divorce.

 

[LoveOhm]

Below is Attachment Parenting International's page on "Divorce/Custody and Blended Families":

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/p...edfamilies.php

Also while Mom's House, Dad's House is a more mainstream book at it's heart it only works with parents who can put their child's needs first and is truly insightful. It even offered a great deal of wisdom to me as a solo mama.

 

[*MamaJen*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelMel I don't remember any titles, but I read MANY books in the few months I was considering leaving my marriage. They all said the same thing, kids have better outcomes when the ease is slow and gentle, and when the parents stay PARTNERS (in parenting) So we still lived in the same home (as roommates) for a few months, the kids getting used to the new dynamic....he started seeing a woman seriously, and she would slowly come around. The best thing was that we never fought...we always laughed, we tried to still be friends and get along, and we succeeded. we meant it. I was with him half my life, its not like i couldn't find things I appreciated about him. I may not of loved him or felt passionately about him anymore, but he is still family. The kids are doing great, now about 8 months since the start of all this, 2 months of me on my own. We share complete 50/50 custody, and I had to make a sacrifice by moving in the same township, a few miles away, in order for that to happen. It helps that my stbx's girlfriend lives with him now, with her 2 children...my kids love them and with the help, he can handle this and is very positive. I was worried about his frame of mind, he never could be alone and can get very sensitive. Me welcoming this new relationship of my stbx's has gone very far is helping the kids see all this as a new adventure, and an even larger family to love and take care of them.

We're not married, but this is the kind of positive dynamic I want to keep as XDP and I go our separate ways. We've split on very good terms and he hasn't moved out yet, but probably will in the next few weeks.