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Boy, DH is in the doghouse

603 Views 9 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  orangemustang
First, let me explain... we cd'd DS from birth to about 4 months, then fell off the wagon. Now at 13 months, we're back on. I told DH a couple weeks ago I wanted to have another go at CDing, and he didn't say anything... so I went crazy buying diapers and am now enjoying all the fluffy mail.

So this weekend, DS is due for a change and I hand DH one of my new muttaqins to put on him. DH looks at me and says, "I'm not using that. I've got enough stress in my life and I don't need anymore."

I couldn't believe he said that. I tossed him a disposable and stormed out.

Lucky for him, when I came back he apologized. But he has yet to change a diaper. I've got some HH on their way, thinking that the pockets and the velcro will be our daddy-friendly stash.

Boy, oh boy. I was (and still am) a bit steamed. Anyone else's DH have really dumb reactions sometimes?
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I would be PO'd!

I wanted to CD DS but we were unable to thanks to having NO washer in the tiny Japanese apartment we lived in. This time around I told DH under no certain terms are we not cloth diapering. He is nervous but I am trying to build a Daddy friendly stash for him. Lots of AIO and pocket diapers and fitteds. I still plan on using mostly PF but I want him to have some non-scary options.

The one thing I can't get him to bend on is disposable wipes. He refuses to use cloth wipes and our own solution. I think I will use it but will keep wipes around for him. I'll take what I can get!
Oh Kate! The cloth wipes are the best part of diapering! JMHO...

Those disposable wipes just smear newborn goo all over. The nice cloth wipes get it all off in one big swipe. Never fear, he'll convert!

Is Baby K joining you very soon?
It sounds like he was stressed out about something and didn't want to deal with cloth right then and there and was maybe taking his frustrations out on you.
This sounds like something my DH would say if he was already upset about something.
Is he usually a sweetheart all around?
You know- I can sort of relate. With my husband it took some real communicating for us to udnerstand each other on this issue. He looked at me- busy and stressed and couldn't understand why I was taking on more work. It took communication for me to understand that his reservations were actually loving- he actually felt I was over burdening myself in the name of "looking like the perfect mom". Talking really has helped us- he now understands my environmental concerns. He knows it isn't a status thing or a badge of AP. I also talked about how cloth will help her be more aware of her body and sensations which will help her come potty time. How I worry about the chemicals (tell him the product has been banned from tampons really suprised him- do we really want that on our kids genitals?) and just generally how I feel good CDing. I feel good- I love folding and washing them. I feel accomplished. Not burdened.
Talking about all this calmly and gently helped us understand each other. While I think my husband's approach was all wrong- he was irritated because he wanted things to be easier on us. Maybe your DH is feeling the same way?
Or like someone else said he may have just been frustrated from something else and stressing.
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Thanks for the replies... and for giving him the benefit of the doubt. He is normally very sweet. But DS has been a nightmare lately for having his diaper changed (screams, kicks, rolls over) and that totally stresses him out. Add to that a diaper with a zillion snaps all over it, and he just can't handle it. I'm really hoping the HHs will be okay for him. I certainly don't want to add to his stress level.

And he did apologize. Said that he felt bad about it all day.

So it's all good now. At least until he really has to change a diaper!

Originally Posted by mumztheword
He is normally very sweet. But DS has been a nightmare lately for having his diaper changed (screams, kicks, rolls over) and that totally stresses him out. Add to that a diaper with a zillion snaps all over it, and he just can't handle it. I'm really hoping the HHs will be okay for him. I certainly don't want to add to his stress level.
The non-sympathetic side of me, if my DH acted like this, would be to say something like "oh buck the &#@! up! It's just a diaper change, not a life change. I am quite sure that diaper changes are not on the top 10 (or even 100) things that cause real stress, baby. You should consider yourself lucky if it's only a diaper that causes you stress, other people have stress from such inconsequential things like poverty, rape, and discrimination."

However, the sympathetic side of me would actually worry a bit that DH felt it was too much to change a diaper, not because that means he's being a giant baby about it, but because being overwhelmed by such a small thing can be a sign of feeling pretty low or depressed. I know that I have occasionally felt overwhelmed by putting on shoes or doing some other small task for our child, and that has always meant that I am just worn down to a nub by work and/or parenting, both of which can be difficult for me. So I suspect that he maybe needs some emotional support or something else from you, but just can't ask for it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that feeling overwhelmed by changing a diaper, even if it has snaps, isn't really a sign of being a PITA DH about cloth diapering, but about his low-ish state of mind. DH's who are really PITA say things like how disposables work better, how CD babies take longer to walk or have really big butts, etc etc.

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I'd just flat out tell DH if a cloth diaper is causing soo much stress in his life he realy needs to reavulate it. Sorry but lets see my DH has been searching for a real job over 3 years now. We are living off my parttime $6 an hour job and some temp jobs from him. We just closed our bankrupcy case (and no its not from buying too many CD's LOL but astronamical medical bills that occured after DH's company layed off a ton of people and we lost our medical insurance. AND we live in the same town as his Mother!
. Trust me using a cuddly cloth diaper is NOTHING. Now me forking over $40 a month on DD! That would give DH a heart attack! Considering our monthly groccery budget is $100-$150.
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puts things into perspective!!
I have always said " no matter how bad you think you have it, someone else has it worse"
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