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I just need to vent
I gave birth exactly 2 months ago and for the most, I looked and felt like my normal self.
I have on numerous times told my boyfriend (of 4 yrs) how he should hold, feed, burp and especially NOT speak to our newborn (passed 8pm so she could sleep and not be stimulated). Many times he has disregarded my comments which has lead me to yell at him. Matter of fact, I don't even like speaking to him anymore. I started to notice when he comes home from work I think to myself "oh, it's you". Cuddling in any way was a turn off, but before he left for work I would (willingly) kiss him good bye and cry inside because now I'm alone with our baby. I never wanted kids, but I have been so fortunate enough to have a good baby. I'm very lonely, I don't go out, don't interact with adults (as often as I use to) and his place is just gloomy (hardly any natural light). I'm to use to this life and I do at times miss my old life. I don't regret having a baby but I sit and say to myself "Why did I have a baby with this guy?"
When my boyfriend and I fight, it can get pretty nasty. He's great at never taking the blame & saying really nasty comments, whereas I yell like a crazy lunatic, but can admit my faults and apologize.
A few days ago we got into a bad fight and I cursed him out and stayed at my parents house (which was planned a week prior). While unpacking at my parents house, I picked up my baby and automatically the anger lifted off of me. The realization of my immaturity kicked in. I immediately txted him an apology that I had no right in telling him that he needs to act mature with how he speaks to me and I must reciprocate that as well. He didn't respond nor did I expect him to, I knew he was pretty mad at me. Since today is Father's Day, I sent him a txt of our baby and her new trick and wished him a "happy Father's Day". His response was pretty much calling me names. Yup, classy!
It got me pretty upset, I just told the father of our baby how we need to be mature with handling situations and this POS just spoke to me like this?! This mother f*****!!!
For the past 12 hrs I've been crying here and there, though hiding it from my parents. I hold my baby and cry even more thinking there's no way I can stay in this relationship. She can't grow up thinking this is acceptable. All I'm doing now it's counting down the hours till everyone sleeps and I could really cry uniterrupted. I'm not a crier either.
Please keep in mind, my boyfriend for the most is a good guy (cleaning the home, doing laundry, helping me in any way)
and a good dad (he's very proactive in our babys' life) but once his temper flares, "Mr Macho , I'm Better / Smarter than You comes out".
I'm not sure how long I can go on with all this anxiety! It doesn't help also that I started smoking again. I'm so miserable. That the idea of being a single mom is looking good. But I guess on a good note I made an appointment with a therapist.
 

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I just need to vent
I gave birth exactly 2 months ago and for the most, I looked and felt like my normal self.
I have on numerous times told my boyfriend (of 4 yrs) how he should hold, feed, burp and especially NOT speak to our newborn (passed 8pm so she could sleep and not be stimulated). Many times he has disregarded my comments which has lead me to yell at him. Matter of fact, I don't even like speaking to him anymore. I started to notice when he comes home from work I think to myself "oh, it's you". Cuddling in any way was a turn off, but before he left for work I would (willingly) kiss him good bye and cry inside because now I'm alone with our baby. I never wanted kids, but I have been so fortunate enough to have a good baby. I'm very lonely, I don't go out, don't interact with adults (as often as I use to) and his place is just gloomy (hardly any natural light). I'm to use to this life and I do at times miss my old life. I don't regret having a baby but I sit and say to myself "Why did I have a baby with this guy?"
When my boyfriend and I fight, it can get pretty nasty. He's great at never taking the blame & saying really nasty comments, whereas I yell like a crazy lunatic, but can admit my faults and apologize.
A few days ago we got into a bad fight and I cursed him out and stayed at my parents house (which was planned a week prior). While unpacking at my parents house, I picked up my baby and automatically the anger lifted off of me. The realization of my immaturity kicked in. I immediately txted him an apology that I had no right in telling him that he needs to act mature with how he speaks to me and I must reciprocate that as well. He didn't respond nor did I expect him to, I knew he was pretty mad at me. Since today is Father's Day, I sent him a txt of our baby and her new trick and wished him a "happy Father's Day". His response was pretty much calling me names. Yup, classy!
It got me pretty upset, I just told the father of our baby how we need to be mature with handling situations and this POS just spoke to me like this?! This mother f*****!!!
For the past 12 hrs I've been crying here and there, though hiding it from my parents. I hold my baby and cry even more thinking there's no way I can stay in this relationship. She can't grow up thinking this is acceptable. All I'm doing now it's counting down the hours till everyone sleeps and I could really cry uniterrupted. I'm not a crier either.
Please keep in mind, my boyfriend for the most is a good guy (cleaning the home, doing laundry, helping me in any way)
and a good dad (he's very proactive in our babys' life) but once his temper flares, "Mr Macho , I'm Better / Smarter than You comes out".
I'm not sure how long I can go on with all this anxiety! It doesn't help also that I started smoking again. I'm so miserable. That the idea of being a single mom is looking good. But I guess on a good note I made an appointment with a therapist.
I so can relate to this. A week after I gave birth thru c-section i always tell my husband i wanted to cry for no reason and i don't want anyone touching my baby except for me never had a decent sleep for days because i wanted to watch my baby even if he's sleeping. Weird but now I understand what that is. I guess you do now :)
 
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