[*jacksmama*]

I have to admit, it's been several months since I read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting so I know I need to re-read it. DH and I are really struggling with teaching DS (2 yo) that kicking, yelling, throwing things, and punching are not okay. He kicks during diaper changes, yells and screams while he runs around the house, throws things, and hits me (not anyone else). I know that saying "no" isn't working.

What else can we say/do to get him to direct his energies else where? We've told him to touch nicely and shown him how to do that and we've shown him how to play nicely. Any tips?

TIA

 

[LynnS6]

Tell him what you want him TO do.

So, instead of "no, don't kick" try "Keep your legs still" or "see how long you can keep your feet in the air" (during diaper changes).

Other good phrases:
"Feet on the floor."
"Sit on your bottom."
"Gentle touches."
"Hold my hand please"
"Walking feet"
"Can you stomp/hop/jump all the way to the door?"

 

[*jacksmama*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LynnS6 Tell him what you want him TO do. So, instead of "no, don't kick" try "Keep your legs still" or "see how long you can keep your feet in the air" (during diaper changes). Other good phrases: "Feet on the floor." "Sit on your bottom." "Gentle touches." "Hold my hand please" "Walking feet" "Can you stomp/hop/jump all the way to the door?"

Thanks, I like these suggestions. We've been saying a lot of "please be gentle", etc and that's not cutting it. We aren't being specific enough so saying, "Keep your legs still" may do the trick. He usually only acts this way during the evenings, especially the days he doesn't have school and he's cooped up more than he likes.

Thank you again!

 

[kiwiva]

Often No is just the first thing off our tongues and it is so not helpful a lot of the time. I agree with the pp. With the kicking/throwing, I remind DD of what she can kick-balls and throw-soft things. We are currently having the issue of her kicking our seats in the car and balls are not an option so if she can't keep her feet still, I take her shoes off.

She loves to bang windows, mirrors, etc. I tell her we don't bang those things and redirect her to what she can bang-soft things-carpet, couch, etc.

When she hits I calmly tell her we don't hit and put her down. She gets the message usually and we don't have a lot of that. I find that speaking calmly is key here. DH has much more of an issue with not sounding annoyed when she is doing something he doesn't want her to and it is absolutely counterproductive.

For the yelling, I try really hard to keep a quiet voice and remind her to use her quiet voice bc it's dinner time or whatever the reason is. If it's just bc I am annoyed with her volume, I try to let it go and let her do it. I also find that she tends to get really yelly when we are leaving her out of the conversation and being loud (to talk over her!) ourselves so I try to redirect me and DH to her at that point too.

 

[elizaMM]

Not likely to be too helpful for you 2yo, but for others looking for solutions based on the subject:

Barbara Coloroso gives 3 alternatives to "no":

1-Yes, later. (You can have a cookie after dinner.)

2-Give me a minute. (So you can finish what you are doing and then think about it for a bit instead of knee-jerk "no")

3- for older kids: Convince me. (Get them to tell you why you should say yes.)

I'm trying to practice these before I'll need them too, so they'll be at the tip of my tongue when DS is of an appropriate age.

 

[Surfacing]

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