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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is just a theory; you guys tell me if you think it holds water.

My AP-all-the-way boy (age 3) has no preferred toy or lovey or object he ever really seeks out. He'll play with anything but doesn't really have one thing he just loves. When he needs "something", that something is me. Always.

The boys I babysit for, who also co-sleep but weren't breastfed, have very specific taste in their toys. In fact, the 3-year-old gets so fixated on certain toys for a few weeks at a time that he will fall apart if we can't find it. His mom sometimes has to run out and buy a duplicate to appease him.

So, do you find, as Dr. Sears suggests, AP children really do grow up more inclined to need people than things? Is breastfeeding the common denominator?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
When he needs "something", that something is me. Always.
My three children are all like this. None of them ever had a lovey. Fav stuffed toy, but not so attached it would be noticed if it got lost.

They all need me for comfort, or the younger 2, me or my DH.
My oldest still wants Mommy to give him a shoulder rub or massage his hands when he is feeling stressed out or anxious.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
Is breastfeeding the common denominator?
No. IME, teaching materialism is the deciding factor. The idea of ownership, "mine, mine, mine!"

Also, if you are babysitting, they might feel comfortable with their object than with running to you, kwim?
Do they run to their mom for comforting or do they always choose the object?
 

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My dd is like this. I've tried several times to introduce a lovey (as she likes to pet my neck while nursing and it makes me crazy...) with no luck. Though these days she likes to snuggle and nuzzle my breasts....
Nothing quite like a silly toddler voice saying "nuzzle BOOBS!"

-Angela
 

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I think you are one the right track.
We had many problems breastfeeding, we made it for only a year and had to supplement with a bottle alot.
Now my little DD has a blankey and a binkie
BUT it isnt the end of the world if we cant find them or dont bring them out with us. If she sees it she is all over it, but if we put them away, she doesnt go looking for them.
 

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Well, my still breastfed two year old gets fixated on toys. In fact, he has since he was about 7 or 8 months old. He just gets interested in certain types of toys and always wants them around. Currently, he loves matchbox cars. We sleep with matchbox cars. When he wakes up, he looks for his car, then cuddles up next to me. He takes them with him everywhere and plays with them 24/7. He drives them up my arm while nursing. He plays with other toys also, but his cars are always nearby. I don't look at this as teaching materialism. I believe that children learn from their toys and that it is my job to encourage his interests, as his interests lead to learning.

However, I am clearly the person he wants to go to for comfort. He doesn't have a binky, blankie or anything. If he gets hurt, he cries for mama. When he is hungry, tired, cranky, or anything else, he wants mama. I do think it is a possibility that he would get his cars for comfort if he was at a babysitters, but he has never been to a sitters so I can't really say.

Basically, I think breastfeeding does discourage the need for loveys (or however it is spelled), but I don't necessarily think that all breastfed kids won't have a need for loveys. I also don't think that attachment to toys indicates a detachment from the parents.
 

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I have wondered the same thing. However, I never thought my DD would want to suck a thumb or pacifier as long as she was nursing whenever she wanted. However, I now have a dedicated nurser who is also a dedicated thumbsucker. So maybe it's more a matter of temperament.
 

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Well, my ds runs to me first for comfort, to be held/cuddled/rocked, but he sucks his thumb at the same time and has to have a blankie.
:
 

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My 7 year old had no attachment to toys as a toddler--she barely seemed to care about toys. She was really attached to breastfeeding and my breasts, and I remember many a night where I wished she was attached to something else.

She weaned around 4 and now is very attached to some of her toys and has to treat them just so and sleep with them, but it's never the same toy for more than a week. One days it's an owl, and the next day a bunny and so on and so forth.

My 2 year old (almost 3) is more attached to her animals and will want to take them with her and sleep with them, but she always wants to nurse at night and nothing makes up for that. She switches her animal every few days, or gets a book she's attached to, or goes without anything for days at a time too. She also sucks her thumb and has since she was about 2 months old.
 

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I have been thinking about this and I think there are a couple of different theories. The first is whether breastfed babies don't have loveys. I think it is obvious that theory is not accurate as there are many ap mamas who have babies that suck thumb, pacis, or have blankets.

The second is whether ap babies will grow up to need people and not material items. I do think this may true. Would love to see a study done on it though. Ap babies and children may have closer relationships with their parents than the CIO, detached parent. The closer relationship helps them to have the tools for healthy relationships as adults. So perhaps there is some truth to that theory.

ETA: I wanted to clarify that I don't think breastfeeding is the determining factor, rather ap.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies
Do they run to their mom for comforting or do they always choose the object?
Oh, they're crazy about her, too. They definitely want comforting from both their mother and their father (or me if I'm the best they can find at the moment). But they also want the thing. The little one in particular gets downright testy if the object (a certain action figure one week, a Wiggles toy the next) can't be found, or worse, is found in the hands of another kid.
 

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None of my kids ever had a "lovey."
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Viola
She was really attached to breastfeeding and my breasts, and I remember many a night where I wished she was attached to something else.



Like, maybe, Daddy every once in a while.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
Oh, they're crazy about her, too. They definitely want comforting from both their mother and their father (or me if I'm the best they can find at the moment). But they also want the thing. The little one in particular gets downright testy if the object (a certain action figure one week, a Wiggles toy the next) can't be found, or worse, is found in the hands of another kid.
IME, my oldest dd, who nursed until 3 yrs old, had 'attachments' to particular items, but she had a very active imagination and she called them her 'friends' and would spend minutes talking and playing with them, and if she sat down to eat, so did her 'friends'. BTW, her 'friends' were an old broken Q-Tip with a piece of balloon stuck on it's 'head' and a screw.

When she lost them, she had a stick and one of those little yellow balls with the smiley face on it.
 

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DS was breastfed 6 months, co-slept 7 months, on occasion if he's sick or had a nightmare we bring him back to bed with us, however he is now 11 months old and he has no interest in a "lovey" or security object. If there is a problem, he comes to Mama no matter what. He won't even use teething things when he's in pain. I pick him up and he bites and chews my shoulder, and he plays with my hair. He enjoys his toys, but is not attached to any of them, and spends more time exploring the house than playing with them. Even at this very very end of my second pregnancy, I am still carrying DS in his sling everywhere we go. My MIL thought I was nuts for slinging him at the store, but he was tired and overwhelmed from everything, and the only thing he wanted was to be with me. I'm glad my son is attached to me and nothing else
 

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nope, I don't think so. I think for some children, it's a normal part of their development to become attached to an inanimate object.

I was bf for 18 months and was obsessed with my teddy bear until age 6 or 7. My sister was bf the same amount and was an avid thumb sucker.

My dd is breastfed, but with a bottle, and the bottle is her comfort item as of now, she's still a bit young to find an object.

I think it's a stretch to say that kids who have attachments to objects are a result of inadequate parenting. I know plenty of kids who had "loveys" and had great parents, and were bf. I also resent the implication that a bottlefed child is less attached to their mom than a bf one.
 

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DD was only breastfed for 8.5 months and was supplemented for at least half that time, but she's always co-slept. When she's with me, I'm her comfort object. When she's with my mom, she has a lovey.
 

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Ds1 - breastfed for 18 months - sucked thumb, had a lovey
Dd - breastfed for 6 weeks - did *not* suck thumb or take paci, had a lovey
Ds2 - breastfed for 7 months so far - sucks thumb, no lovey yet

So no, I don't think the theory holds water, but it's interesting to think about!
 

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Well, my dd1 literally knew how to suck her thumb when she was born, I would have to take it out to nurse. One day at 6 months we were nursing on the floor and she picked up a little stuffed duck that was on the floor next to us that we had been 'playing' with and WOULD NOT let it go for 2 days. I didn't worry about it and obviously she got over that phase of the serious attachment but still likes the animal for bed/sleepy time in ADDITION to mama.

She is fine but 'sad' if she can't find her animal, but she's unconsolable if I'm ever somewhere in the house and she can't find me. I think that says it all
.
 
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