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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on bfing in other people's homes.

This past weekend we went to a 3 year-old bday party. When it came time to nurse my newborn the hostess (who is also bfing her twins) suggested I use the glider upstairs. I took that as a not-so-subtle hint to stay out of sight, especially since she herself was wondering whether she should even bottlefeed her pumped milk to her baby downstairs
: When her husband came into the room where I was while I was nursing he acted nervous, asked if it was ok to come in, and basically kept his eyes averted the whole time he was in there. I should note that nothing was uncovered - it was barely evident at all that I was breastfeeding.

My newborn is a snacker - she likes to eat for 5 minutes, rest for 10, eat for another 10, rest, etc. You get the idea. I spent over 50 minutes upstairs nursing at a 2 hour party
:

We have another birthday party this coming weekend, again for 3 year olds. (It's a mixed crowd of a few couples/ kids we do know plus some we don't. The hostess didn't breastfeed her boys, and another couple we know breastfed for 6 months, but the wife hid out because her DH was uncomfortable with it
)

When I RSVP'd for the party the hostess told me the glider upstairs was available if I needed to nurse my baby. She is the type of person who tries to make everyone comfortable so I'm not sure whether she's just assuming I want privacy or whether she would prefer that I nurse out of sight.

So WWYD? I really don't want to spend another party upstairs hiding in a bedroom by myself, and chances are I'll be nursing a lot. I want to hang out and chat, and I want to see what my older DD is doing at the party (although DH will be there to supervise her).
 

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I would consider the invitation to use the glider as the mom trying to make you comfortable. Then if she offers it, I'd smile and say, "Oh thank you for thinking of me, but we'll be much more comfortable here. Dc and I would be up there for an hour, and I'd really rather spend my time enjoying everyone's company down here." Hopefully, it'll end there! As for your friend's dh and his nervousness - I really wouldn't think too much of it. I know that my dh, who is a huge lactivist himself, is very, very careful to try and NOT make women uncomfortable who are nursing. He has no problem with it, but unless he knows the woman well, he's afraid of making her uncomfortable and doesn't want to do that. KWIM? Women he's been around lots of times while they're nursing he's very comfortable around. Women he hasn't been around nursing lots, he wants to be respectful because he doesn't know where they're at - make sense? So, he might seem nervous to you if you met him - at least at first, until he knew you were cool with him being around. Don't know if it's the same situation with your friend or not - I just thought I'd throw that out there!
 

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:

I would respond politely to the offer if offered, but otherwise I just nurse wherever I am. I never ask permission or anything of the sort. That implies that you're doing something you NEED to ask permission for


-Angela
 

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Can you nurse in a sling? Either way I would just nurse if the baby got hungry. I doubt anybody would even notice. However I might like the glider just to escape the hustle and bustle of the party. I have a destractable nursling so it might be good for me.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
I would respond politely to the offer if offered, but otherwise I just nurse wherever I am. I never ask permission or anything of the sort. That implies that you're doing something you NEED to ask permission for
: I also just nurse wherever I am. I can't stand going to another room to nurse--it's so boring and I feel as if I've been banished.
 

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see, thats my biggest problem. other ppl's HOMES. anywhere else, i nurse where i darn well pleased, esp. b/c i live in a state where i am protected by leg. i didnt realize this last weekend i was in Maine, and got very uncomfortable. i was hoping to get to our "home state" soon! but that didnt deter me.

but when its people's homes, that makes me uncomfortable. i dont want to be banished either. E is 7.5 months old and very distractable. he nipples all friggin day or not at all..depends on the day. in a 2 hour period, he could either not nurse at all or nurse the whole 2 hours (on and off on and off).

i think if i had so many bday parties where ppl didnt nurse that you knew, i may explain that you may not want to go b/c you dont want to sit upstairs for an hour nursing your baby. i mean, why go to someone elses house to sit upstairs? can your dh take your dc? i assumed this was a kid bday party you are asking about. If they want to see YOU, then they will need to deal with your nursing. period. if others are uncomfortable, that is their friggin' problem. im saying this of quests, not the host.

i just wouldnt put my son and myself in a situation like that. i recently went to a party for my friends dd that was at her dads house. i really didnt think about it beforehand b/c my friend is bf'ing her twins....but when i got there, i realized that it was an issue. i ended up nursing away from everyone else and i really felt "banned". my friend nursed where everyone else was with her twins (who are very young) but i just felt uncomfortable doing that and really wish i had had a conversation with her earlier about nursing E. there was another baby there my son's age who is much more advanced developmentally and his mom gave him 2 HUGE jars of baby food and a piece of bread for lunch. my son isnt eating anything right now other than pieces of fruit. my friend is super crunchy but this wasnt her home. if it were, i wouldnt have thought twice about it. but her dad had the nice inground pool!


ppl's homes are just the ONE place i do feel like i need to clear with ppl. i dont want someone making me uncomfortable in my own home. so i try to respect others in their homes also. if me and my nursling arent fully welcome there, then we just wont go. you can meet me in the park while i nurse my baby!


prob not what you wanted to hear but thats my spin on it.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by aisraeltax
see, thats my biggest problem. other ppl's HOMES.
I don't get it. Why would someone have a problem with you feeding your baby in their home? I guess I just err on the side of assuming no one would have a problem with me feeding my baby. If they want to tell me I must go into a private room to nurse, then I'd honestly probably leave the party. Who needs friends like that?
 

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I always just feed him. I've yet to have anyone say something to me. If they did, I would get up and leave. Period. If they don't want me nursing in their home, then I won't be going there, if at all, until DS is weaned.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnysideup
I don't get it. Why would someone have a problem with you feeding your baby in their home? I guess I just err on the side of assuming no one would have a problem with me feeding my baby. If they want to tell me I must go into a private room to nurse, then I'd honestly probably leave the party. Who needs friends like that?
Absolutely agree.
 

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what i meant is that i have problems in other ppl's homes when THEY have a problem. i agree, though, there really isnt much left to do otehr than leave. but when you have a kid at a bday party or something like that, its hard to drag that kid away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnysideup
I don't get it. Why would someone have a problem with you feeding your baby in their home? I guess I just err on the side of assuming no one would have a problem with me feeding my baby. If they want to tell me I must go into a private room to nurse, then I'd honestly probably leave the party. Who needs friends like that?
I think this is what I was getting at (albeit not so clearly
) If someone outright told me 'gross, don't nurse in front of everyone!' at their own house I probably wouldn't go back since the line would be very clear. I guess this is more a question of, if you knew they were uncomfortable but would never say anything to you beyond "wouldn't you like somewhere private to do that" would you still nurse in that person's living room?

Aisraeltax, I see where you are coming from
I nurse wherever I am in public, and if I happened to run into those same people while I was NIPing, I wouldn't have a problem continuing regardless of how they felt about it. But when you're in someone's home doing something you know they are worried about it feels like I'm taking advantage of their hospitality in a way, by ignoring their feelings of discomfort.

Then again I'm not helping the lactivism cause by hiding, am I? I'd prefer to sit in the living room nursing as normal to try to dispel any myths that breastfeeding moms have to bare all to feed their babies or whatever...
 

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If you are really worried bout it, talk to the host before the party, maybe? I just feed my dd wherever we go, and I have never really worried about if they have a problem or not. Although, so far nobody has batted an eyelash, so I guess they aren't too offended!
 

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Maybe the dh was nervous BECAUSE you were isolated upstairs, so he took that as YOU needing/wanting the privacy, which he was therefore violating.

Personally, I would nurse wherever and whenever I needed to.
 

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I'd call the hostess up again and ask her about it. If she does have a problem then change your RSVP to regrets with "while my baby is nursing so frequently, I just don't feel comfortable having to leave the room everytime, I'm sorry and I hope that you have a lovely party
"
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel
It's their house. I respect other people's wishes in their own homes.
I have a friend who formula feeds....should I stop letting her do it in my house?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiestabeth
I have a friend who formula feeds....should I stop letting her do it in my house?
Of course not. Just show her where the glider is or hand her a blanket to cover up with.
 

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I breastfeed wherever and whenever DS wants to and don't really think twice about it. If someone offers me another room I always just say "No that's OK thanks, I'm fine."

It took my MIL about a year to stop offering me another room
But the point is that she's over it now and now when I nurse she doesn't bat an eye! So that's a little bit of lactivism at work.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Quagmire
I guess this is more a question of, if you knew they were uncomfortable but would never say anything to you beyond "wouldn't you like somewhere private to do that" would you still nurse in that person's living room?
Absolutely. Letting them see you sit there and breastfeed as if it's the most natural thing in the world will help them become comfortable with the sight of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel
It's their house. I respect other people's wishes in their own homes.
It should depend on whether or not it's unreasonable. If you were visiting someone who believes that every time a woman meets a man she should kneel down and lick his shoe, would you do it?
 

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Quote:
I really don't want to spend another party upstairs hiding in a bedroom by myself, and chances are I'll be nursing a lot. I want to hang out and chat, and I want to see what my older DD is doing at the party (although DH will be there to supervise her
I'd just go with the assumption that these people are trying to support you by giving you a quiet place where you can sit down.

If she brings up the glider, I'd just tell her, 'oh no thanks on the glider, I really don't want to spend the whole party upstairs. My dd and I will be happier if I can just stay downstairs. Besides we dont' really need a glider anymore.'

If you want to add a little, "Besides nobody even notices that I'm nursing" laugh, laugh, at the end to reassure her, that might work too.

Jessica
 
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