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· Premium Member
14,435 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here...but maybe just getting it all down and in order will help...

My father was disgnosed with a bipolar condition a few years ago and started treatment. Two years ago he decided he "felt fine" and went off his medication. He had a sever breakdown ~8 months ago (ending in a suicide attempt and hospitalization) and is still not stable (his doctor is working on trying different meds/combos). He cannot work, is not eligible for unemployment or disability, and as an older guy he's concerned about finding another job once he is stable (we live in a fairly rural area and there aren't a toon of jobs available).

He refuses to look into therapy or counseling (actually he went once and the therapist told him she couldn't help till he was stable on the meds
: ), but at least he is working with an MD and I'm not too worried about him. My mother however...

My mother works evenings at the local library and watches my 16mo dd during the day while I work. Basically she puts in a 12 hour work day 5 days a week and is caring for my dad on top of all that. The stress has really gotten to her...she breaks into tears frequently, she yells and swears (which she almost NEVER did in the past), and she's gotten very strange at times (talking about death, calling herself names, etc).

She too feels that therapy/counseling is a "waste of time" and is convinced that "she can handle everything on her own". "Caregiver burnout" is something made up by other people because they're lazy, etc. She is the adult child of an abusive alcoholic and she has never fully dealt with that either.

Obviously she is an adult and she isn't a danger to herself/others, but...she IS my mother (so I care for her) and she IS providing child care for me (which means I have certain concerns about the emotional atmosphere my dd is being exposed to each day). She has to work since she is the only income/health insurance provider at this time (DH and I do what we can, but we have financial stresses of our own and can't offer a lot of financial support, and what we do give we have to "sneak" since they wont accept it otherwise), and we can't afford other child care at this time (and she wont discuss other child care options anyway).

What can I do? She thinks massage is indulgent, Bach remedies and homeopathy are "a crock", herbal remedies "don't work", and she doesn't need stress management skills or meditation since she "doesn't have a problem with stress".

Does anyone have a recommendation for a book that might appeal to an older, mainstream, religiously and politcally conservative, woman who is stressed the breaking point but not willing to admit she can't handle it? Any BTDT advice I could apply to the situation? I'm getting desperate myself and don't know where to turn...

Regardless, thanks for listening...

· Registered
795 Posts
I don't have the same situation exactly, my parents live across the country, however, my dad is extremely bipolar and currently not taking meds. The stress of working nights and dealing with my dad has caused my mom to break......she called me and said they want nothing to do with me or their granddaughter.

It hurts and I am dealing with the pain everyday and not sure what to do to make it better.

I guess I just want you to realize that your mom has a lot of stress just dealing with your dad.......being a childcare giver is added stress that she might not be able to handle in the long-run.

I don't want your mom to break like mine has so please do what you can to reduce her stress and maybe find a way to have another least some of the time.

Its not perfect, and it stinks, but your family dynamic right now is in a precarious situation and you don't want the fall-out to hurt your child in any way.

Good luck.....let me know how it goes.
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