[robin3]

Hi! I'm new here.
I have a 7 yo ds that has just been identified (officially, whatever that means!) as gifted. Though we have known almost from the first that he was "advanced", as his godmother said. I also have 2 much older kids (27yo dd and 24yo ds) and my 7yo is just like his sister was! I used to blame her intensity on my ex's genes, now I know better!
My problem is with bullying. My son is a wonderful, sensitive and very intense kid. And, he can be very bossy with his friends. Because he reacts to any situation with MORE emotion, MORE intensity than others, some kids have picked up on that and do what they can to cause him to cry, scream, have a melt-down or whatever. The teasing has gotten worse and like one of the other moms I am SOOOO glad that school is out!
We have been working with him a lot on what he can say when kids are teasing him and his teacher was wonderful if she happened to be there when it was happening. But, most of this stuff happens under the radar and because he is soooo intense he is generally the one to get blamed for whatever has happened because his reaction is what everyone sees. I am not saying that he is perfect by any means, but he is not a mean child and has a hard time understanding why others treat him badly.
Anyone else have this problem and what have you done? Thanks!

 

[joensally]

Does the school have any structure around social responsibility? It would help for the school to be working on the conduct of all of the kids, which includes appreciation for differences.

Do you use social stories with him?

At some level, I have come to accept that my kids are intense and that they're on their own path to figuring out how to interact/be in the world. I can gently guide and support them, and try to make their environment as good a fit as possible, but I can't "fix" it.

 

[CrunchyParent]

Like the PP said, social stories can be helpful, but we also do a lot of instructional role playing (talk about what to do in the situation and then take turns acting it out). For instance, I am trying to empower DD by giving her permission (and the words) to say, "Hey, it's not ok to..." call me names, tease me, etc. Before her tendency was to get emotional and/or defensive (e.g., "But I'm nice, and I'm smart...") Now the message is more like, it's not ok to treat me this way. If you want to play with me, you have to be kind to me, and if you don't want to play with me that's fine, but I'm not standing for poor treatment (she's 4 BTW).

DD is similar to your son-very intense in her responses and clearly a target. I have spoken with the school (teachers and administrators) to ask what their general plan is to address bullying and have given a heads up with regard to my concerns for next year. I intend to be a very clear and consistent voice in their ear about this issue (it's a private school and they have had a lot of trouble and lost a lot of families over teasing/bullies).

 

[cdahlgrd]

I am also interested in hearing what people have to sayabout this topic. My ds is in a similar position and he also is hearing impared and just misses a lot of the social cues that are going on around him.

 

[robin3]

We are fortunate to have our ds in an open school where there are multi age classrooms and it's small. The teachers and the school do have a strong no bullying policy and when they are aware they are on top of it. Like I said, though, sometimes it is under the radar. We do read a lot of social stories and role play with him. I guess it's just the intensity of his reactions we need help with. I know that ultimately he has to find his way in the world and I don't want to "fix" him. I just wish it were a little easier for him! I know from experience with his big sister that he will be an awsome adult! And I know that ultimately his sensitivity will be a blessing. These kids are amazing, just difficult to raise!
One thing that we have found that is helpful is that he is very intersted in theater. He's been in local theater productions since he was four. And we find that while he is rehearsing and performing he is much happier and able to handle life easier. So, we try to keep him involved in some kind of theater program.

 

[LynnS6]

I would suggest the book: The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander for you to read. I read it awhile ago and I can't remember what it said, but it's got good advice.

I would also work on getting him a friend or two in class. There's nothing like having a few friends to minimize the bullying. All it takes is one good friend.

 

[MARIE]

My DS sounds has the exact problems mentioned here. He is going into 4th grade and he has unknowingly got himself labeled as a target. His self esteem has gone downhill too. Does anyone find get from their child that they tried getting the adult (lets say the aide on the playground) or tried to explain the thing that started it all ( the under the radar thing), but no one supports him? We tell him what to say, or how to respond but the fact is, the adult in charge misses most of it and just goes right to the end of the problem which is usually is inappropriate social RESPONSE to the unkown bully. He is also visually impaired with a giftdeness and lack of social awareness may I call it and just gets teased. He also can barely perfom gym due to his visualy impairement so they boys don't like having him on the team. I just don't get the adults.. the teachers, aides, etc.. bullying to me is the most harmful thing and the gifted kids are and always have been targets. What can be done regarding the adults we entrust ou children with all day?

Marie