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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my mother, who is 60 years old and in pretty poor health, lives about 4 hours away from me in an assisted living facility. She is a (perpetually) recovering alcoholic who has had a myriad of related health problems over the past 5 years. She fell and busted her knee and it never healed properly, she had to have her gall bladder removed because it was ruined by the alcohol abuse, she's has been put on dozens of anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medications (plus several more to help curb the side effects of the others), and then about 3 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully it was caught in the early stages and she only required a masectomy, versus radiation or chemotherapy treatment which would've probably killed her anyhow, and the cancer has not come back. The facility she lives in is really what she needs and isn't too bad...she has her own room and a lot of independence (although she has no car and I don't think she could drive it if she had one)...basically she stays there so that someone can keep an eye on her, make sure she eats and takes her medicine on schedule. My uncle lives in the same city and visits her regularly and has her stay over, takes her shopping, etc. He is also financially repsonsible for her. Him and I have a pretty strained relationship lately, mostly because I sent him a very long letter explaining why I thought it would be best for my mother to be moved to a similar living situation here in my town, where I could be the one to see to her non-financial needs (as I just don't have the means to contribute to her upkeep financially). I would also love having her here and I know she would be thrilled to be close to one of her children (my brother lives in Texas) and to be around while the daughter I am expecting grows up. He completely ignored the correspondence...we have spoken since and he has never mentioned it. I have just assumed it's because he thinks it's a terrible idea and out of the question...so there's nothing else I can do.

ANYWHO, as I mentioned, my mother can't drive so anytime I want to see her I either have to go there or get her a bus ticket to come here, which I did back in April, shortly after learning I was pregnant. But the tickets are fairly expensive, so I can't do that as much as I would like, and now my fiance and I are having issues with both our vehicles. We don't have the money right now to make the repairs and we don't trust either one to make a 4 hour drive. (8 counting the return trip.) I had made tentative plans to visit her, but they had to be cancelled because my fiance pretty much refuses to allow me make the drive in either of the unreliable vehicles by myself and he is unable to go with me because of work. So my mother and I are both extremely upset...I might be being a total baby and I know I am fortunate to have my mother alive for my pregnancy and such, but I miss her terribly and it's important to me and to her for her to see and touch my belly and all that sappy nonsense while I'm pregnant. She cried to me about it on the phone yesterday and ever since then it's just been tearing me up. I have been really emotionally solid over the last 8 months, but every time I think about it I start crying and get really upset. I know it's silly and the situation really can't be helped, but I feel like my fiance isn't being very understanding at all...he made me mad yesterday because I was crying to him about it and he pretty much wrote it off as hormones...which it's NOT. I'm a pregnant girl who misses and needs her mother, why is that so hard to understand? And he just brushes it off, rather than comforting me or (god forbid) trying to help me think of a way to go and see her.

I guess I should just be thankful that my uncle has already agreed to buy her bus ticket when my baby is born, so that she can come and stay a week or so with us. But damnit.


(So sorry for the length, I don't even really expect people to read this mess, but it feels good to get it all out.)
 

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That's hard, but I have different perspective, your fiance is thinking of you and his child you are carrying. I know for a fact that if my cars were acting up and I wanted to see my mom 4 hours away while I am 8 months pg my DH would flat out say no way. Gosh we were invited to his family reunion this weekend and I am due in a month and he said no way-and that would be with all of us going.

I can see his side, I mean we just got a new car because we were having car issues and DH and I both felt unsafe, with a small child and a pregnant woman driving the unreliable vehicles, I totally get it. He feels responsible for your safety, heck I know that it is hard you want to see your mom, but I also get where he is coming from. He is worried about you and your baby. There are many women who wish they had someone who had someone concerned for them like that. I mean I don't know you and I wouldn't want you traveling 4 hours in a car that might not make it.

FWIW-I had an incidence happen when I was pg with DD, I drove our van(which runs fine) to town and then I couldn't get the key to turn, I started having contractions from the stress and it was a bad scene. Dh ended up telling me to turn the key with a pair of pliers-it worked, but gosh that amount of stress I had there made me feel really freaked out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah, I know you're right, and he's just looking out for me and the baby and I haven't picked any fights with him about it because deep down I know I am more mad at a hopeless situation than I am him...I just keep putting myself in my mother's shoes and thinking about how tore up I would be if anything kept me from seeing my daughter when she was pregnant. It just seems like such an important time to feel and BE close to her, but it's just not possible right now. I think I might also be feeling a little guilty for being relieved that my mom finally broke down crying and told me not to come because she knew at this stage of the game it would be too risky...I wasn't looking forward to it, as I am already 33 weeks, even if I had a reliable vehicle to take. Like I said, I need to just focus on being thankful that she will get to come and help me after she's born and get some quality time with her. But the whole thing just stinks.
 
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