[mowilli3]

Mamas,

I'm burning out. Back in April I decided to take DD out of day care because of problems with the center and her showing signs of anxiety. At that time I was still on mat leave with DS and working a 40% schedule. I was loving having more time with DD and she was happy. It was an adjustment for DS to share me during the day, but now he's 7 MO and scooting all over the place happily. It's been more than 8 weeks now and some things have changed.

My FLMA is up and I need to get more hours to keep my benefits. DH has run out of vacation time so that now in order for me to have my time in the office, he works 4 10-hour days. I was given another project at work and increased my time to 53%, basically 20 hours/week. In order to do it, I work 1 10-hour day in my office and the rest of the time at home with a sitter.

We got a slot for both kids at a decent center, but I didn't like the classroom for DD. It was big with 16 kids. She's 2YO and sensitive. The first time we were there she got pretty anxious and overwelmed. We decided to turn it down and wait for another center. That could come in the next 2 months, but no guarantees that DS would get a slot that soon.

I'm happy being with the kids. I love having time with them right now, but I also like my job and having a place to do what I do. Last week, my former supervisor announced that she was resigning. I immediately sent an email to her supervisor asking for an interview for her position. I really want her project. I know that I can handle the responsibility and the topic. But then that means that I am going to be stretched even thinner.

And here's my point/gripe/concern: I'm getting burned out. We are very AP and I can't stop being who I am. But I need some way to rejuvenate. I need to have energy for sex and feel rested and peaceful when I wake up at the crack of dawn with my DC. I walk and drink water. Some days I eat too much chocolate.

How do you rejuvenate yourself? Any good tips on meditation, yoga, anything healthy because I'm close to my pre-preg weight and I need help staying on track.

Thanks,
Mo

 

[PiePie]

HUGS! Long-term I don't know what to say because I am feeling stretched too thin too!! However, I made myself feel better on Monday by taking some time for me -- went to the spa and then to the hair salon and browsed in a bookstore and had dessert. I really had more pressing things to be doing on both the homefront and the jobfront, but I think I needed to take time for me for my mental health. I feel better about myself looking like less of a mess...

 

[newmommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mowilli3 How do you rejuvenate yourself?

I take Every Sunday OFF. The whole day. I leave the house (DS stays home with DH) and I do whatever I want.

Last Sunday, I had a hair appointment, had a Spa Pedicure, had a really nice lunch and went to the movies (Fantastic 4).

I didn't get hom until 10pm.

Between DH/DS and working full time, I can relate to an *almost* air tight schedule. But looking forward to having Sundays off, truly, honestly, keeps me going.

And make sure you take your vacations.

 

[milosmomma]

I'll be watching this thread. I'm having some similar issues

 

[mowilli3]

let's hear some more ideas...

bump

 

[windpowered]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mowilli3 I need to have energy for sex and feel rested and peaceful when I wake up at the crack of dawn with my DC.

:

Sorry, I didn't mean to be snarky or anything, but I really did laugh when I read this. I too have struggled with burnout. Big time. So,

s

My DD is now 5 1/2, and I don't have any other kiddos. I think I felt burned out, or teetering on the edge of it, until she was around 3. Here are the things that helped me (in no particular order):

1. Lunches with friends.

2. Actually, committing myself to using my lunches to do stuff that I *enjoyed*, like reading a book or taking a walk to the park nearby. (I used to spend my lunches trying to run errands, pay bills, or reading the news on the internet - which usually makes me angry these days.)

3. Telling DH that if the dishes sat in the sink for 3 days that either
a) he could do them, or
b) he could look the other way.

4. Getting a chair massage a couple times a month. This is pretty easy, since we have a woman that comes to my workplace. But if she stopped coming, I would still find a way to work these in.

5. Making a bigger family bed. We have all slept together in one big bed for the duration. Our original bed was a queen. When DD got to be about 18 months, we added a "sidecar" bed. Later, we changed this out for a twin bed that was attached to the side of our bed. This worked best for me, because sometimes I would end up in the twin bed, and could still get quality sleep.

6. Getting my DD to go to bed earlier - and then going to bed at that time some days. For years I didn't realize it, but there are at least a couple days a week that I need 10+ hours of sleep. Another mom recommended that I alternate nights: one night I stay up to spend time with DH, the next night I stay in bed with DD when I parent her to sleep. This has helped a lot.

7. Recognizing that I do not put out work of the same quality that I did BC (before children), and that this time in my life will not last forever. It *really* bugged me for a while that I was being out-performed at work by others. Now, I have a better perspective on it, and it doesn't bother me (as much). Someday, my DC will be older, and have their own activities, etc., and I will be able to pour more of myself into my work. Until then, I am keeping myself in the game and doing good things, just not great things, most of the time.

Hope that helps!

~Diane

 

[madskye]

Do you take vitamins? Your lifestyle sounds pretty healthy. Sending you restful vibes.

 

[mowilli3]

Thank Diane, those are great suggestions. I really like the twin bed idea because I think we will all sleep better if DD were back in bed with us. And I think it's a good idea to adjust my expectations for turning out work.

I do take vitamins. DS isn't on solids yet, so I'm trying to keep my iron up for him.

I found out yesterday that we won't have daycare until Sept. DH and I decided to drive to the beach this weekend to have a little rest before taking on July.

And we put DS in the crib in DD's room for an hour and DTD last night. DH was soooo happy that he offered to come home for lunch to help me get the kids down for a nap.

 

[chocomoto]

Feeling burned out here with my 3 and working from home

: Looking for ideas so I can be a patient, productive person and not the nervous wreck I am today.

 

[mowilli3]

It's tough isn't it? Today I got both kids to nap at the same time. I put DD in her toddler bed, DS in the crib on the other side of the room and I slept on the floor. I wish they would settle down when we co-sleep, but forget it. Get them close to each other and there's lots of laughing and squealing. But we slept for 2 hours. I feel good today.

 

[mamasaurus]

About 4.5 years ago, my DD#1 was born. I was working at home 60 hours a week, and DH was working at home 60 hours a week. We were so naive, we didn't even have any help lined up for after she was born.

Within 6 weeks, I had a live-in nanny/family assistant living with us. That helped some.

I co-slept with DD#1 for the first year. It was fine for a while, but as time went on, I just wasn't getting much sleep. She would want to nurse every hour and a half. And she would flip, kick, you name it. I was so cranky, tired, worn out. I had migraines, couldn't work well, was getting, well... *burned out*!

BTDT, Mama!

I hate to tell you this - because you might really be into co-sleeping - but the one thing that made it all better was getting DD#1 out of my bed, and into her own room and crib. It was a hard transition, but when it was all said and done and she was sleeping through the night, I felt so much better. Getting 6-9 hours of sleep a night was exactly what I needed.

Sleep is so important. Even if you eat well, drink water, have your vitamins, you still need sleep - and deep sleep, too. Long stretches of sleep.

When my DD#2 was born, she slept in my room, in a side-car baby bed for about 3 months, and then I transitioned her to her own room and bed. I didn't even want to try continuing the co-sleeping.

It isn't co-*sleeping* if no one is sleeping!

Just my experience...

 

[mowilli3]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamasaurus It isn't co-*sleeping* if no one is sleeping! Just my experience...

That's true! Right now my DD (2YO) sleeps in a toddler bed in her room and DS (7MO) cosleeps. DS is a much better sleep than DD was, but he still nurses 3-4 times a night. I'd start to night wean if he would eat some solids, but he won't. (She was an eater/he's the sleeper.) I put him in the crib in the room with DD at the beginning of the night so that I have the bed to myself for a couple of hours, but then DH brings him to me to nurse and he stays with us. DD wakes up pretty frequently. We were in a hotel this weekend and she slept like a rock. I think she would sleep better if she were closer to us. Then we really would be sleeping better.

It's a tough call because my experience with getting DD to sleep in a crib took about 3 months to minimize the crying. I need these three months to make it to the day I can get one in daycare. So it's better to go with the path of least resistance and more quiet.

 

[liberal_chick]

Dh and I have date night where we leave ds with my grandparents overnight and go out. 99% of the time, we just do dinner and a movie and come home to snuggle and veg out. We get to sleep in the next day, which is amazing. This was especially crucial for us when ds was younger, but we still go out about twice a month. We really have a blast and it leaves us ready to face another week of work and child rearing.

 

[Igraine]

Some nice ideas on this thread.

For me it is a constant battle for balance. I struggle everyday with being the type of parent I want to be. My job is stressful and I love it. My dh is home more with the kids and is great with them. And he needs breaks too. I tend to make sure he has breaks first because he is home with our kids more than I am. Sometimes my "breaks" fall to bottom of the list.

I'll be checking back....

 

[mowilli3]

Yesterday I didn't get to have lunch because we had to take DS to the pedi. So we stopped by Whole Foods and got some hot line food and I went back to work for a meeting. But I decided to stay a little late so that I could take a long break to chat with a girlfriend who stopped through town on her way back home. It was really good to gossip and laugh. I didn't even mind coming home and cooking dinner after 11 hours in the office.