[aira]

Didn't have time to read all replies...

Add me in too - plus having to EP... I grieve the birth and breastfeeding so much. I felt so wounded and victimized. (We were in a car crash while I was pg.) I felt cut in half for ages like energy was leaking out of my incision constantly. It was hypnosis that cleared that problem up.

It really sux. I will read the articles when I get a chance.

 

[aira]

Absolutely, Lenore.

DH was very traumatized by seeing me strapped down with tubes everywhere, shaking violently, and puking when she was cutting. He has never been quite the same either.

My section was nothing like what you read in the "books". It wasn't gentle, smooth, or easy in any way. Because I was in labor for 48ish hours, fully dialated and effaced for 8, and DS's head was smashing into my hip that was too injured to open, the doc had to jump up on the table and shove him up over my pelvis to get him out. The table was shaking with her pushes to get him back up. DH and I really freaked out then. It was so much more violent than anyone tells you.

 

[aira]

DS also remembers. He was with DH too, and didn't cry. He brought it up to me once when he was around 2y/o. He said something that I knew he meant his birth, and I asked him about it. He said, "It was time to hold Daddy."

I was terribly traumatized by the separation. I was held in captivity in recovery for 4 hours. I begged, pleaded, threated, and demanded to see DS, but the nurses were absolutely horrible to me. I've never felt so helpless in my life (that I consciously remember). It was the first time I can remember that I couldn't just get up and make something happen, or leave, or make someone take me seriously - whatever. All the family was with DS - which I wanted - but I almost called the police to get my son.

I know he must have been lost then too. I hope he can talk to me about it sometime. He tends to be nervous a lot, and I suspect this is the seed.

 

[aira]

For all those who have recently had thier babes...

and congrats!

For those who have been dealing with this longer... Do you have sense that time has kinda stopped? Like, the crisis struck and even though it's "over" you're just stuck in it?

I guess that's a hallmark of PTSD, which I've been diagnosed with, but I'm wondering if you've felt this way, and have you overcome it?

 

[aira]

Ah, thanks Devaskyla.

I don't think about it all the time anymore either, but I also just don't feel. Things have become very repressed in me since the fated car accident and birth. There are other issues as well, but in all the chaos - and having a child to nurture - where is the space for me to heal?

I feel like I need a vision quest of sorts, to heal and process all that's happened.

Time hasn't made it better. Just more numb.