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I completely relate. Completely. I've attended many births in my past both as a doula and as a midwife, had always planned on having a homebirth, was active in promoting homebirths and UCs, spent hours visualizing the beautiful birth that I was convinced that I was going to have, and I ended up with a c-section that was an emergency. I too feel that it was necessary and that there is really nothing to blame but I feel empty nonetheless. I have also wondered if this is somehow punishment for being so vocal about homebirths in my past, silly I know. Having to transport to the hospital was my absolute #1 fear for my birth and not only did I get that, but I got just about every single intervention in the book.
 

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Originally Posted by lenore80 View Post
Its also important to let our partners mourn too. I asked DH if it was the happiest day of his life, and he told me it was...when he found out that I and the baby were ok.QUOTE]

That brings up an interesting topic. Several weeks ago I was talking with my son about his birth (who was born by c-section and is now almost 3.5 yo). He remembers his birth and the time afterward. He appears to be most traumatized by the time afterward. When we were talking, he became really teary and said he cried because he did not know where I was (I saw him for one minute in the operating room then we were not reunited for an hour - he screamed for the whole hour).

I am a huge proponent of talking with kids about things. I think we often forget to talk with babies but they are listening and understanding too.
This so touched my heart. I have been sensing similar feelings from my dd since she was born. She suffered deeply from emotional trauma from the birth. I talk to her often and tell her how sorry I am. I think she is starting to relax a bit but it has been tough since she was born.
 

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Originally Posted by Birth Junky View Post
DD had no problems with the birth and we never had to be separated, in the operating room or afterwards, but she slept almost constantly for the first 4 weeks of her life (had to be woken to eat) and just generally seemed easily overstimulated by life outside the womb. She seemed to have adjusted well by a few months post-partum, but I find myself wondering just how deep the effects of that too-early entry into the world might go.
Mine is just the opposite. Initially she had to be nursing constantly and had to be on me every single second (not complaining, but it just made me sad because I knew what it was stemming from). She is pretty much the same way now but is just starting to sleep a bit next to me instead of on me all the time. She's got a lot of issues with her head though from a horrible cephalohematoma and I think gets pressure build ups in her head and palate so she screams and is inconsolable a lot.
 
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