I had a traumatic c-section with my dd just about a year ago. the anniversary has been a really significant time for me. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I am so deeply sorry that you were robbed of the birth you wanted. At the anniversary of my section 4 girlfriends of mine created a healing ritual for me. It was very therapuetic. They created an alter and offered me images and stories to help restore my faith in my body and in the birth process. They gave me affirmations about my mothering. I had a chance to tell the birthstory for maybe the second time ever and feel how different it felt to tell it from this new point in my healing. At the end they each put a hand on me and told me "you birthed your baby." I just cried and took it all in. I feel a lot better. Something about the anniversary, the ritual, and getting my period for the first time all around her birthday helped me feel like I had finally exited the post-partum labyrinth. I never thought it would get better and I almost couldn't post b/c I was crying from reading the other posts, but I am feeling stronger. I still don't know if I want more children, but I am coming to terms with how the first one got here. I wish for you that you have people around you who can witness your grief and not shy away from it.